style="font-size:15px;"> “Hot but awesome. Disney is everywhere. They have Mickey Mouse telephone lines. Mandy cussed a few times in the traffic, I’ve had fast food all day, so it’s totally off the charts.”
Typical thirteen-year-old speak, Anna thought. She was not happy about the fast food, but it was her vacation, too.
“Sounds fun. How’s Mr. Waffles?”
“Awesome as ever. I’m glad we didn’t have to give him that sedative. He’s super nosy right now. I took him out of his carrier once we got the rental car, and he slept on my lap the entire time we were in traffic. It was like he knew he had to behave.”
“He’s a charmer, no doubt. What’s on tomorrow’s agenda?”
“SeaWorld, then Typhoon Lagoon, and Epcot the day after. Mom, seriously, you should think about coming here next trip; of course, I’ll come along. It’s gonna take us weeks to see all Orlando has to offer. Can we do this again next year?”
Anna heard the excitement in her daughter’s voice. She knew Christina might have a totally different opinion on hanging out with her mom next summer, so she said, “Yes, we’ll definitely do Disney together.”
“Promise?”
“You’ve only been there for a day!”
“I know, but I want to come back,” Christina said in her whiny voice.
“Tell you what. Spend the next six days seeing all the sights, and we’ll plan a trip when we’re both at home. How’s that sound?”
“You’ll love it here.”
“I’m sure I will; now put Mandy back on,” she said, then added, “Love you, sweetie.”
“Love you, too.” Christina returned the sentiment.
“Sounds like she’s having the time of her life. Just go easy on the junk food. I’m afraid she’ll refuse to be my taste tester,” Anna joshed. “Mr. Waffles digging the condo? No marking his territory?” The first week home, the cat peed all over the house, letting them know it was his place, too. Thankfully, it’d been on the tile flooring.
“Nope, at least not yet. I think he’s inspecting the place,” Mandy told her. “We’ve got all of his toys and his bed set out for him. He nosed around when we arrived, but no peeing. Speaking of peeing, how many guys have made a mark with you?”
Anna laughed. “That’s gross! And I haven’t had a chance to mingle. We had to go through all the safety regulations first. When we finished, I came straight to my cabin.”
“Exciting, Anna. Promise me you’re not going to hole up in that luxurious cabin for the entire cruise.”
“My steward is hot,” Anna said, just to get a rise out of Mandy.
“Tell me all about him,” Mandy encouraged.
“His name is George. He’s tall, broad-shouldered, very handsome. Sexy brown eyes. I think he’s Jamaican. He’s well-spoken, courteous. All that a steward should be; at least I think he is.”
“Then go for it,” Mandy practically yelled into the phone.
“Mandy, if I had to guess, I would say he’s all of twenty-eight at the most.”
“So what? Age is simply a number.”
Anna rolled her eyes. “Stop! I’m not going to hit on George. He’s cute but not my type.” Whatever that is, she thought. “I don’t plan to sit in the cabin for the rest of the week. I’d truly have cabin fever. There’s a welcome-aboard dinner tonight at eight. I plan to attend. And mingle.”
“Wear that Prada dress. You look drop-dead gorgeous in that,” Mandy said. “And don’t tell me otherwise.”
The Prada dress was very expensive; she had bought it for a special YouTube event in Dallas but never wore it. “I’m wearing that on the last night. The itinerary says that’s dinner-with-the-captain night. Surf and turf. Listen, you and Christina enjoy Orlando. I’ll call you tomorrow at ten, just to say hi. Take care of my baby, and be careful.”
“Absolutely, Anna. Enjoy yourself,” Mandy said.
Grinning, Anna returned to the kitchen and made herself a cup of espresso. If she was going to mingle at dinner tonight, she’d need the caffeine. Two glasses of champagne were one over her limit. Without the coffee, she would fall asleep on that tempting bed.
Wanting to soak in the tub but knowing she was a goner if she did, she opted for a cool shower. All the glass made her feel exposed. Afterward, she wrapped herself in the plush robe and took her cup of coffee out to the balcony.
The cruise would take her to the Cayman Islands. For years, Mandy had been telling her about her trips to the Caribbean, Mexico, and the Panama Canal. She’d been to Spain and Italy, places Anna had only read about. She would never tell Mandy, but she had been envious of her faraway trips. She and Wade hadn’t been on a honeymoon. They’d agreed when they decided to go, it would be the trip of a lifetime. Sadly, that was old news, and Anna doubted she’d ever have a honeymoon because she knew in her heart she would never replace her husband. She could have grieved her loss forever, but fortunately, she had a child to care for. In a sense, it was what had saved her from drowning in her own sorrow. In the beginning, it was her grief that had saved her, and now, looking back, she knew she wouldn’t have been nearly as successful had she not started her vlog on the subject. Life had a strange way of giving back, she thought. She’d seen so much death. First her father, then her mother, and, finally, her husband. Would anyone be interested in someone like her? Would they see her as some sort of bad luck, a dark omen if she were to reveal this?
She tried to clear her mind, but her thoughts kept returning to her fear of death. Everyone she’d ever loved had died. Suddenly, she felt the familiar gnawing sensation in her stomach. Her mouth went dry, and her hands started to shake. Anna felt the familiar tightness in her throat and painful stomach cramps. She tried to take a deep breath, easing it out slowly, just as she’d been taught all those years ago. In and out. She closed her eyes and listened to the sounds. Focus. Laughter. Music. She took another deep breath.
Voices. Glass breaking. Seagulls. The ship’s engines.
Opening her eyes once again, she had calmed down. She returned to the kitchen, took a bottle of water from the refrigerator, and gulped down the entire bottle. She closed her eyes and went to her happy place, a technique she’d learned when she was in therapy. It had been so long since she’d had an attack. Why now? If she had to speculate, she blamed the person who had been stalking her. Now that she was on her own, with no one covering her back, she felt vulnerable.
She should have gone to Orlando with the girls. If she did that now, then she would most likely ruin Christina’s vacation since she adored being alone with Mandy. At this precise moment, she couldn’t care less about her own trip.
Just thinking about why she had panic attacks caused her heart rate to triple and her palms to go damp. “No!” she shouted. “Christina is fine!
“I am not going through this shit again.”
The physical act of talking calmed her down. She didn’t care if anyone was outside her
