offering positive reinforcement before putting forward our suggestions. We might advise, ‘Be faithful with the small’, or ‘The best is yet to come’, or ‘It's time to shine.’
We truly believe in people, and we show this in both our words and our actions. This applies to everyone we come into contact with, especially our colleagues. We start every team meeting by acknowledging one another. We then talk about any incompletes and discuss ways to set them right, so we can all move on.
We lead and manage by taking into account the three greatest human fears: the fear of not being loved, the fear of not being good enough and the fear of not belonging. We find ways to overcome those fears so that we and the people around us can flourish.
Leading through growth
Thinking about how Speakers Institute has grown into a global company puts a big smile on my face. It makes me feel very content and fulfilled. I have a healthy work–life balance. I know a lot of people in a similar position to my own feel differently. Perhaps they feel guilty for not being there for their family because they're so busy building their business or travelling for work. I feel none of that, because I know I'm a good father and a loving husband. My wife and children are amazing, and that certainly helps me. I'm content with every aspect of my life, from my health and relationships through to my finances and the success of our business, and that gives me a deep sense of fulfilment.
So I'm certainly content, but I'm not satisfied.
Deep in my core, I know there's more — more opportunities to seize, more people to reach, more money to be made, more influence to wield, more lives that can be transformed, more to give. So no, I'm not satisfied, because I know there is so much more I can do as a leader.
This is a great motivator for all of us, in both our personal and professional life. Ask yourself, ‘Am I content but not satisfied? Am I ready to do more, achieve more, have a positive impact on more people?’
I'm content but at the same time I'm hungry for more, because I have so much more to do.
Checking in with your mentors
For a leader or manager, it's a healthy practice to check in regularly with your mentors and with the people around you whom you respect. Be open to what they have to offer; it may not always be praise, but it's always certainly worth considering.
Kate, my life partner, is my anchor. She keeps me accountable and soon lets me know when my words and actions are misaligned in some way. And I have my oldest brother to confide in; I can talk to him when I feel really vulnerable, and share my highs and lows. I also have a pastor who helps me to realign when things feel a little out of control.
Professionally, I have my advisers on the Speakers Institute board as well as our leadership team. So I have a great range of people in my corner, people I can trust completely who will actively listen to me when I feel vulnerable or when things aren't going well.
My father was my first mentor and my benchmark. He would always help me to see what I should do, and I found his passing in 2017 incredibly difficult, to say the least. But I believe he's still there, and I carry with me what he taught me. His influence comes into my life every day.
Look to others when you need them
There came a time in my business when I realised that I wasn't learning from my failures as much as I should. That had a lot to do with my own arrogance and ego.
They say you can learn the easy way, the hard way or the tragic way. Learning the easy way, you learn from other people's mistakes. Learning the hard way, you learn from your own mistakes. But make sure you never choose the tragic way, which is when you don't learn from either. This is where I found myself when I started out in business as a speaker: I was failing but I wasn't necessarily learning from my mistakes; instead, I found myself failing again and again. That was when I realised how much I need people in my corner to keep me accountable.
I had to wake up to myself and say, ‘Wait a second, I need people who are going to be there for me, to tell me the things I may not want to hear, but that I need to hear.’ When I came to this recognition, I started to draw on my humility in order to become the person I knew I should be.
Finding that humility was not easy. I was a successful performer by that time, speaking to huge audiences around the world. I'd be a fool to imagine that I would remain unaffected by the ego and arrogance that so often follows success, unless I was aware of them and did something about them.
Never forget: confidence is a great asset, but arrogance can pull you down.
Yet there I was. Stepping off the stage after my speaking engagements, I would find people lining up to tell me how good I was, to get a photo with me, to ask for my autograph, to tell me that I'd changed their life, that I'd inspired them. Hearing that day in, day out, month in, month out, year in, year out — of course it affected me.
This is an issue for many people in positions of influence and leadership. You can be put on a pedestal. On social media people tell you ‘you're amazing, awesome, inspiring’. Blah, blah, blah. Then you get one comment that says, ‘You're ugly.’
That one comment breaks through, leaving you feeling stressed or anxious, and if such comments gain momentum you may find yourself descending into depression. All because one hurtful comment from one negative troll sets off a string of others.
As leaders and influencers, we need to build strong foundations for ourselves, for our business and for our colleagues. There will always be nay-sayers out there, but we have strategies to help us bounce forward from them. After all, if you can't draw the attention of the haters, you're clearly not making a big enough impact in the world.
Building these foundations has certainly helped me. Having people in my corner to tell me the things I need to hear, and not just the things that I want to hear, has kept me grounded.
If you want to grow as a leader, don't try to do it on your own. Reach out to mentors, study the good example of others.
If you have a bad experience, use the benefit of hindsight to make sure you do things differently next time. Trust and loyalty are a solid filter I use as I bring people into my sphere. These are two of the attributes I look for in the people around me, and I make a commitment to return them in kind.
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