would come out and strike him dead if he said no. “Now where am I, and who are you?”
“YOU ARE ABOARD THE EXPLORER STAR SHIP EXCBR. I AM THE TERNA DEVELOPED SHIPS FULL MAINTENANCE ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE REFERRED TO AS TDSFMAI, AND I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS SHIP.”
Holy crap, I’m on a spaceship and being abducted by aliens, he thought to himself. He blurted out, “I think there’s been a mistake. Is there someone I can talk to?”
The voice responded, “YOU ARE THE ONLY LIFE-FORM ON THIS SHIP.”
“Well, where’s the captain and the crew then?”
“THEY ABANDONED THE SHIP 703 YEARS 62 DAYS AND 3 HOURS AGO.”
“What? Why?”
“THE SHIP WAS STRUCK FROM THE REAR BY A LARGE ASTEROID, AND THE SHIP BECAME LODGED IN THE ASTEROID. ALL ATTEMPTS BY THE CREW TO FREE THE SHIP FAILED, AND THE ASTEROID WAS TAKING THE SHIP INTO DEEP UNEXPLORED SPACE. AS THE SHIP AND ASTEROID PASSED AN INHABITABLE PLANET, THE CAPTAIN AND THE CREW LEFT THE SHIP FOR THE PLANET.”
“Then how did you get here?” Roy ask.
“A SECOND ASTEROID STRUCK THE ASTEROID HOLDING THE SHIP, KNOCKING IT FREE. MY PROGRAMMING WAS TO RETURN AND PICK UP THE OBSERVER.”
“Okay, so when were you supposed to pick up this observer?”
“IN THIRTY OF YOUR DAYS.”
“A little late, aren’t you?” Roy exclaimed. “If it’s been over seven hundred years, why did you come back? You didn’t expect to find him alive, did you?”
“MY PROGRAMMING GAVE A RETURN INSTRUCTION WITHOUT A CANCELATION TIME. I HAVE COMPLETED THIS ASPECT OF THE MISSION NOW.”
“So what’s next, and what about me?”
“WE ARE CURRENTLY EN ROUTE BACK TO TERNA TO COMPLETE MY MISSION PROGRAM. I HAVE NO INSTRUCTIONS REGARDING YOU.”
“Are you saying that we are not near Earth?”
“THAT IS CORRECT. WE ARE 2.35 LIGHT-YEARS AWAY. ONCE WE CLEAR THIS SOLAR SYSTEM, WE CAN SAFELY TRAVEL AT MAXIMUM SPEED.”
Roy sat down on the floor to gather his thoughts. He has just been holding a conversation with a mechanical-sounding male voice from nowhere that said he’s on a spaceship with no crew or captain. And the ship is being guided by some sort of computer that could care less about him.
“How long before we get to where we’re going?” he asked.
“TWENTY-SEVEN OF YOUR DAYS,” the voice replied.
“What? I can’t sit here on this floor for that long.”
“YOU COULD, BUT YOU WOULD BE MORE COMFORTABLE IN ONE OF THE AVAILABLE LIVING QUARTERS ON DECK 6.”
“Okay, how do I get there from here?”
“I WILL GUIDE YOU. EXIT THE RETRIEVAL ROOM AND TURN LEFT.”
Roy got up and walked toward the door, and it opened as he approached. He stepped into the hallway and turned left.
“Now what?” he asked. The voice told him to walk to the open lift where he would receive instructions. As he walked along the hallway, a small dull grayish metal box with legs scurried past him. “What the hell was that?” he exclaimed.
The voice responded, “THAT IS AN ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENT MAINTENANCE UNIT REFERRED TO AS AIMU. THEY ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE REPAIR AND MAINTENANCE OF THIS SHIP.”
Oh, okay, a little robot, he thought to himself.
After a short walk, he arrived at an open door to what looked like an elevator. “Okay, I’m here,” he said.
“I KNOW THAT,” the voice said in an almost condescending tone. “STEP INSIDE AND SAY ‘LIVING QUARTERS, DECK SIX.’”
Roy stepped inside and thought for a second. Then he replied, “What if I want to go to the Bridge or the control center or whatever it’s called?”
“THAT IS NOT ALLOWED. ONLY THE CAPTAIN OR THE FLIGHT OFFICERS ARE ALLOWED ON THE BRIDGE WITHOUT THE CAPTAIN’S PERMISSION.”
“But the captain’s not here,” said Roy.
“THAT IS CORRECT,” replied the voice.
Roy stood there thinking to himself, How do you reason with a voice that apparently is a computer with no personality or reasoning? After thinking for a minute, Roy asked, “What qualities are required to be the captain of this ship?”
The voice replied, “THE CAPTAIN IS THE APPOINTED LIVING LIFE-FORM THAT ASSUMES THE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP AND ITS CREW.”
“And who appoints him?” Roy asked.
“THE REIGNING LIFE-FORMS OF TERNA APPOINT ALL SHIP CAPTAINS,” the voice responded.
“And if the captain were to die while in deep space, then who takes over as captain?”
“THAT POSITION WOULD FALL ONTO THE NEXT LIFE-FORM IN THE CHAIN OF COMMAND.”
That was the response Roy was waiting for.
“How many life-forms are aboard this ship now?” Roy asked.
“YOU ARE THE ONLY LIFE-FORM,” the voice said with a tone of having already advised Roy that he was the only one.
“Then I am the highest-ranking life-form aboard this ship, and by your description, the next in line to be the ship’s captain,” Roy said confidently.
There was an unusually long pause, then the voice stated, “YOU ARE CORRECT, CAPTAIN. WHAT ARE YOUR ORDERS?”
Now we’re getting somewhere, Roy thought to himself. Roy also realized that he had absolutely no knowledge of this ship or any idea of how to run it and just how long he could survive listening to this obnoxious voice.
“First of all,” Roy began, “you will speak to me in a more respectful tone.”
“YES, CAPTAIN,” the voice replied in a tone that sounded a little less authoritative.
Roy continued, “Do you have the ability to speak in any other voice that is a little more pleasant to listen to?”
The voice replied, “I HAVE 17,334 DIFFERENT TONES OF VOICES. WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO DEMONSTRATE THEM?”
“No,” Roy replied, “Can you speak in a soft female voice?”
“Yes, Captain,” was the response in a voice that was close to what Roy asked for. Now he knew that he might be pressing his luck, but he had fond memories of a girl he met in Seattle last week.
“Not so high pitched and scratchy and maybe a little younger.”
“Is this better,” the voice said.
Now
