The Universal Reciter. Various

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San Francisco Auctioneer 227 Satan's Address to the Sun 32 Scolding Old Dame 174 Shamus O'Brien 214 She would be a Mason 18 Snyder's Nose 13 Socrates Snooks 198 That Hired Girl 241 There's but one pair of Stockings to mend to night 85 Thief of Time, The 164 The Old Man in the Stylish Church 223 The Old Man in the Model Church 225 The World for Sale 37 To my Mother 27 Two Weavers, The 117 Vain Regrets 158 Ventriloquist on a Stage Coach 76 Voices at the Throne 155 Vulture of the Alps, The 62 What ailed "Ugly Sam" 29 Which am de Mightiest 219 Widow Bedott's Poetry 112 Wilkins on Accomplishments 7

THE

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UNIVERSAL RECITER.

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WILKINS ON ACCOMPLISHMENTS.

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      A DUOLOGUE. JOHN QUILL.

      Mr. Wilkins. Mrs. Wilkins, of all the aggravating women I ever came across, you are the worst. I believe you'd raise a riot in the cemetry if you were dead, you would. Don't you ever go prowling around any Quaker meeting, or you'll break it up in a plug muss. You? Why you'd put any other man's back up until he broke his spine. Oh! you're too annoying to live; I don't want to bother with you. Go to sleep.

      Mrs. Wilkins. But, Wilkins dear, just listen a minute. We must have that piano, and—

      Mr. W. Oh! don't "dear" me; I won't have it. You're the only dear thing around here—you're dear at any price. I tell you once for all that I don't get any new piano, and Mary Jane don't take singing lessons as long as I'm her father. There! If you don't understand that I'll say it over again. And now stop your clatter and go to sleep; I'm tired of hearing you

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