to KRC Research, “One in five moms (22%) is a millennial mom, accounting for approximately 9 million people.” And guess what? Those 9 million millennial moms “control 85% of household purchases and have a U.S. spending power of $2.4 trillion.” Even further, “33% [of millennial moms] are the majority contributor to their household's income (vs. 26% of moms in general).3 Talk about money power. And yet, do most millennial moms feel powerful when it comes to money? Do you?
Every occasion you spend time thinking or worrying about paying for school supplies or back to school clothes, you're exercising some emotional labor as it relates to money. One time, I researched for hours to find a “better” backyard playset for my twins because I felt they had outgrown the $200 Walmart version. That was me spending some emotional labor. I even got to scoop some mom guilt on top of the emotional labor when I eventually decided their Walmart playset was fine, and I'd rather save $1,500 than spend it on a nicer cedar playset. I later mentioned it to my husband, and he said he never once thought about the type of playset they had.
That made me wonder if the emotional weight of money decisions goes away once someone becomes incredibly wealthy. Joint research by Vanderbilt University and Regions Bank says perhaps not. Their 2015 Women and Wealth survey specifically targeted private wealth management clients who had estimated household income‐producing assets of over $2,000,000. As part of their survey methodology, they said the goal of the study was “to obtain deeper insights into the perceptions and attitudes of Regions affluent customers.”4
What they found was that “More women than men say they are solely responsible for making financial decisions for their households; however, women express lower levels of financial confidence and optimism than men.”
An earlier 2013 study by Allianz Insurance showed some interesting statistics as well. They called it the “Women, Money, and Power Study: Empowered and Underserved.” In this study, Allianz surveyed many different types of women from ages 25 to 75 who had household incomes of $30,000 or more per year.5 They included single women, single mothers, married mothers, divorced women without children, divorced mothers, widows, and those living with partners who were not married.
Among this diverse group, they did unearth some positive findings – namely, 62% of women who responded to the survey had a “strong interest in learning more about finances and retirement planning.” Furthermore, 49% of women who responded said that “they have a great deal of responsibility for major financial decisions” and “over half say they are the primary decision‐makers.”
Yet, even with all this decision making power, lack of money confidence persisted with 49% of women respondents saying they worried about ending up broke and homeless. The study even identified a certain subset of women they dubbed “Women of Influence.” Women of Influence have higher incomes than the average woman, are more likely to be successful at work or in business, and are 25% more likely than the average woman to feel financially secure. The study said Women of Influence, who make up about 20% of all women, have more money confidence than the average woman. Yet, a startling 46% of them responded “often” or “sometimes” when asked how often they thought, “Deep down, I worry about becoming a bag lady.”6
I share this because many women believe if they could just have more money, managing it would be easier. Yet, that's not necessarily the case. Sure, having more money is nice when you're making many, many purchasing decisions for your family. But, both of these studies show that having more money than the average woman doesn't necessarily mean you'll have a dramatic increase in money confidence.
That confidence part—that's what I'm trying to help you improve. That's where my lessons of managing money like a boss come in. That research shows more money won't necessarily solve the financial worries women have. So, we have to find another way, a strategy for you to feel content and confident with what you have right now, whatever your financial status may be.
So, how do we do that? Well, we know emotional labor is present in women. And, there's also a lack of money confidence, even though women make a significant amount of financial decisions for their families. The lack of confidence can lead to anxiety and worry, which produces money scarcity. The money scarcity is what I referred to earlier in this chapter as a negative money mindset, the worry that you don't have enough or won't have enough one day.
So in order to gain more confidence with money, you first have to combat the negative money mindset that's holding you back from achieving your financial goals. Managing money like a boss is about letting go of the typical, overwhelmed mom mindset and taking on the mindset of a confident leader. It's about stepping out of the muck, the difficult stuff, and stepping into your fabulous, mom power.
A boss mindset involves running your household and your financial decisions as if you were the CEO of an organization. And I hear you, it's not easy to feel like a CEO when you're negotiating with a toddler or a teenager (and they're totally winning.) But, that's why our idea of a leader needs to change.
Being a boss doesn't necessarily mean you have all the answers, but it does mean you have the ability to go out and find them or confidently outsource the search to someone else. And, there's no doubt that being a strong leader takes incredible mental strength. You need to motivate your family team, and you'll have to make crucial financial decisions when the outcomes aren't clear yet.
But, I want to make sure you realize that great leaders don't do everything themselves. It might be uncomfortable at first, but part of developing your overall confidence and belief in your own self worth is telling your partner or your kids that you need help. It means becoming a master delegator.
If you're a single mom, it might be uncomfortable at first to enlist the help of others, but it can have a dramatic positive effect on your daily life. Sometimes being strong means directly asking for help. You don't have to suffer to show strength. The more adults you have in your life to trade off help with your children and other duties, the better.
If you have a partner, you might think delegating tasks means more emotional labor for you. After all, isn't delegating going to be exhausting, and why can't they all see that we need help? But, according to a New York Times article by Britni de la Cretaz entitled “How to Get Your Partner to Take on More Emotional Labor,” communication is key.7 The article illustrates that it's possible to improve the negative effects of emotional labor, but both partners have to be willing to compromise, check in with each other, and talk about it in a healthy way. If that doesn't work, getting an unbiased, third‐party opinion in the form of a relationship therapist can be incredibly helpful.
The goal here is to improve your mindset and how you feel about yourself separate from anyone you live with because that will impact how you feel about your decision‐making. You're already making a lot of financial decisions, but I'd love for you to feel confident they're the right ones for your family. I want to encourage you to get excited about money, to be curious, and to keep learning.
Remember, as moms, we are already incredibly influential in our families. We shape and mold our children in a way no one else can. But too often, instead of feeling empowered by that reality, we feel exhausted by the weight of our decisions.
In order to transform into a boss mindset, first practice replacing the thoughts of overwhelm with empowering ones. We need to fill our minds with kind and motivating thoughts of what's possible, not ones that make us feel unappreciated and underqualified. This is especially true when it comes to money.
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