couldn’t believe my luck when he asked me out for the first time. For a while I didn’t trust we could have a relationship, we were too different. But when we finished our education, Tom asked me to marry him, and the future I’d planned for myself changed.
Soon after our wedding, Tom’s father, Conrad Carlisle, succumbed to the cancer that had been eating away at him for years. Tom hadn’t expected me to work after that.
‘I need your support, Char,’ he’d said. ‘I’m going to be working long hours at first. If you take a job too, then we’ll never see each other. Besides, you don’t need to work. I’ll give you everything you need.’
It was an odd notion after all of my motivations and hard work, but the whirlwind of our life soon took away any thought of finding my own place in a law firm. I became a housewife instead.
‘Char?’ Tom called again.
A crushing sense of gratitude warmed my stomach. Had the upset from the previous night affected me so much that it had made me sick? Tom sounded like his usual caring self. I was relieved to hear that love and warmth back in his voice. The argument had been so ridiculous. So … unnecessary.
‘I’m fine. Maybe got a bug,’ I said.
‘Bug my arse,’ Tom said, coming into the bathroom.
‘What?’ I was immediately on the defensive.
‘When was your period?’ he smiled.
‘Period? No … just because I was sick doesn’t mean …’
‘Reckon we did the job on our anniversary trip …’ he said. ‘I’d hoped at least! But looks like we did.’
‘Well it’s probably too early to know. That was only …’ It was then I realized that more than a month had passed, and my period was late. By about two weeks.
‘I’ll ring Mother. She’ll be so happy!’ Tom said.
‘Darling, can’t we wait a bit? Just to be sure,’ I said.
‘Don’t be silly! We don’t have to keep this a secret from Mother.’
***
Isadora Carlisle arrived an hour later with a small pharmacy package, which she passed to me.
‘Tom called on his way to work. Let’s see if he’s right, shall we?’ Isadora said. ‘You need to hold it under the flow of your pee.’
As usual she was treating me as though I didn’t have the intelligence to read instructions for myself.
I went into the bathroom, closing the door behind me, then unpacked the pregnancy test and read the instructions.
‘I’m sure it’s way too early to tell,’ I said.
‘No. These days they can tell even if you’re just a few days along,’ Isadora said from the hallway. ‘So useful!’
She was right, of course; the test said it could work up to six days before your period was even due.
After peeing on the wand, I stared at the indicator. The test said one blue line meant ‘no’, two blue lines was ‘yes’.
‘Let me in,’ said Isadora.
I opened the bathroom door and held out the test. ‘It says …’
‘Pregnant!’ Isadora grew very quiet and thoughtful. She didn’t throw her arms around me, or start to congratulate me, she merely smiled. A kind of satisfied expression. As though she was just getting the answer she had expected all along.
‘That’s very good then,’ she said.
I half-smiled, but then my mood plummeted. Was I really ready for motherhood? The thought was terrifying.
‘I know what you’re thinking,’ Isadora said. ‘You see, Charlotte dear, you remind me a lot of myself at your age.’
I sat down on the edge of the bed and stared back at her with the blankest expression I could muster. There was nothing similar about us at all. She was happy about the prospect of a future grandchild and I was a mixture of unexplainable emotions. Perhaps this self-doubt, the fear, the slight tingle of excitement was perfectly normal, I didn’t know, but they were also accompanied by a consuming loss of control. And something else at the back of my mind, a name I had told myself to forget: Ewan Daniels.
‘This will settle things permanently for you both,’ Isadora said.
‘What do you mean?’
‘It’s just … it’s a final commitment. Having a baby …’
‘Isadora, we are committed. We’re married.’
‘Oh, yes. I know. But you know what I mean … you’ll be a family now. Not just a couple. This is grown-up. This is, well, it’s the future CEO of Carlisle Corp you have in there. Isn’t it?’
And then she peered at me intently as though she expected me to say otherwise. I was confused by this silent enquiry.
‘I hadn’t thought of it that way …’
‘Well, I’ll get on to finding you the best doctor and private midwife service. And of course the best hospital.’
‘That’s usually decided by your local GP,’ I said.
‘Not for people like us, dear. We have to have the best.’
And then it really sank in. I was growing tired of not being listened to. The only trouble was, I couldn’t blame Isadora or Tom for any of it. I had caused this by not standing up for myself when it was too easy to just accept another person’s decision.
Like the bedding I’d bought months ago that had caused such a row the night before. I couldn’t make any sense of Tom’s angry outburst. It was so over the top and out of character. Tom was usually so calm.
I asked Isadora to leave me, explaining that I didn’t feel too well. She was sympathetic, but still took it upon herself to call Tom and confirm his suspicions. I couldn’t hear everything he said to her on her mobile phone, but I heard the pleasure and excitement in his voice.
‘We’re so happy,’ Isadora said before leaving. ‘Rest up, Charlotte dear. The morning sickness won’t last long. I’ll get you booked in with a private doctor as soon as possible.’
‘Thanks,’ I said.
She let herself out and I went back to bed and lay, eyes open, staring at the ceiling. They would control every decision that needed to be made as they always had.
***
By the afternoon, the initial sickness abated and I got up, dressed and went out. I was sick of being predictable. I thought I ought to at least start to put things into place that I wanted to happen. This child might be a Carlisle but it was also my child and I would have a say. I don’t know what came over me.
