style="font-size:15px;"> DIRECTOR: Don’t forget to look mournful.
MAN: (assuming a mournful look) Dear friend!
DIRECTOR: (exploding) Again with the “dear friend”? Are you jerking me around?
MAN: Sorry, that was a reflex. I’m a little flustered.
DIRECTOR: Very well. Start again.
MAN adopts a mournful pose and opens his mouth, but just then CONSULTANT’s phone rings.
CONSULTANT: Hello! Yes. Good. Is everything ready? When? In about an hour? Check again, Colonel. To make sure it all goes off without a hitch.
DIRECTOR: (fiercely) I thought I ordered everyone to turn off their phones. Why didn’t you do as I said?
CONSULTANT: I’m not authorized to turn off my phone. Especially on a day like this.
DIRECTOR: And I don’t care what you’re authorized to do. Here, the only important thing is the rehearsal. (pounds his fist on the table and glares at everyone) If anyone else’s phone rings, I… (to MAN) Continue.
MAN: (instead of starting his speech, starts rummaging through his pockets) Sorry…
DIRECTOR: (through clenched teeth) What now?
MAN: I can’t find my glasses.
DIRECTOR: To hell with your glasses! Tomorrow you’ll have no glasses and no script either. Speak, say something! Imagine yourself on a platform in the middle of a spacious square. An open coffin stands before you, the orchestra has fallen silent, the guard is motionless, dozens of television cameras are pointed at you, the whole country is watching you, waiting to hear what you’re going to say. Will you be rummaging around in your pockets then?
MAN: But I haven’t learned the speech yet.
DIRECTOR: I know you haven’t learned it. But for now don’t think about what to say, just how to say it.
CONSULTANT: (from her corner) The “what” is important too.
DIRECTOR: (threateningly) Nobody asked you.
MAN: And how must it be said?
DIRECTOR: Sincerely, with feeling. Your words should come from your very heart… Remember in Faust? “Let apes and children praise your art, if their admiration’s to your taste, But you’ll never speak from heart to heart, unless it rises up from your heart’s space.” Got it? Well! Off you go!
MAN: (reading from the paper in his hand) Dear brother!..
DIRECTOR: Don’t look at the paper but at the camera, right at the camera!
MAN: But there’s no camera.
DIRECTOR: Here, in rehearsal, I’ll play the role of the camera. And tomorrow, during the show, think of it the other way, that the camera’s your director. It’s me, your best friend. Looking into the camera’s eye – directly into the lens, that is – address it as if it were a living person. Keep this in mind: that way you’ll be looking into the eyes of millions of people, and they’ll be looking at you. Clear? Off you go!
MAN: (staring intently at DIRECTOR) Dear brother!..
DIRECTOR: Stop! You’re looking at the camera, and that’s good, but you’ve forgotten to portray grief.
MAN: It’s difficult to remember everything at once – my face, and the camera, and the words, and the grief. I’m afraid of losing the thread.
DIRECTOR: To hell with the words, then! Words are the least of your worries. If you can’t remember, don’t. Words aren’t important in the modern theater. The main thing is to express emotion.
CONSULTANT: (from her corner) All the same, it seems to me that the words are important too.
DIRECTOR: (to CONSULTANT) Should I kick you out now or wait for you to pipe up again? (to MAN) Continue. Your face should be sad but at the same time serene, inspiring energy and optimism. Yes, your best friend has left you too soon, but he will always stay with you, in your heart. He will not be forgotten. His work will never die. And you will be the one to carry it on. So, start over! Sobs constrict your throat…
MAN: (in a strangled voice, while unsuccessfully trying to create a mixture of sadness, energy, and optimism on his face) Dear brother!
DIRECTOR: What are you muttering there?
MAN: This sobbing’s making my throat tight.
DIRECTOR: So it’s tight, but you still have to speak clearly.
MAN: (in his own voice) All this is very difficult. How can anybody portray sorrow and optimism at once? This isn’t going anywhere.
DIRECTOR: (furious) It isn’t going anywhere because you don’t know how to put in the work, and you don’t even want to. I’m afraid I’m only wasting my precious time with you.
MAN: (unexpectedly gruff and arrogant) You forget yourself, my dear sir. Please watch your tone. Yes, we have no acting talent. What of it? We don’t have to. We’re busy with more important things. Politicians should never be actors.
DIRECTOR: You’re wrong. It’s actors who should never be politicians. A good politician ought to be an actor, though. But so be it. If I ever find the time, I’ll give you some private lessons. Provided you make it worth my while, needless to say. In the meantime, go run your lines in front of a mirror and learn the words.
MAN: (tightly wound now) You’re being way too familiar, and it’s unacceptable – do you hear me? We’re not floozies in vaudeville or wherever you normally do your thing, but upstanding, respected people. Conduct yourself accordingly.
DIRECTOR: Theater 101: the director is all, and the rest, whoever they may be, are nobody and nothing, empty suits, clothes hangers, dolls, and puppets. Is that clear?
MAN: And I say again: we will not tolerate being taunted just because we’re having trouble with one thing or another!
DIRECTOR: (mocking) “With one thing or another”… Such modesty! “One thing or another”! (ferociously.) You’re having trouble with everything! Do you hear? Everything! (thinks for a moment) This is what I’m going to do. Tomorrow I’m going to put a sniper in the window of the building closest to the square. And if you haven’t learned your lines, as soon as you make the first mistake, the rifle will make bang-bang. I’ll have the second coffin all ready. And your partner will double up on her speech over the twin graves. (to WOMAN) Won’t you?
WOMAN: With pleasure.
DIRECTOR: That will, I assure you, be one awe-inspiring show. It’s a pity that you won’t be there to enjoy it.
MAN: Your little jokes are stupid and out of place.
DIRECTOR: But I’m not joking at all. There’s less than twenty-four hours left before we thoroughly disgrace ourselves, so stop talking and buckle down at last. Every show demands hard work and preparation, and ours especially. It involves countless hordes of people, and we’re down to the wire.
CONSULTANT:
