to tell them straight up what happened. I’d chosen to deal with the consequences. What a stupid idea that was. I should have known that the consequences change depending on the color of your skin. The city goes up in smoke for the shooting of unarmed black men. If I’d had all of my wits I would have realized that the fallout from the shooting of an unarmed white kid by a black women would be three times worse. I should’ve made up a story. I could've said he was an accomplice or said he attacked me with a knife but it fell into the bayou or something. A cop was killed they didn't need much to go on before they put the blue wall behind me. But like the moral demoness Ash always said I was. I went in full of guilt and put my life and career up on the chopping block. Thanks to the conventional media and social media, all my shit got chopped up so good I felt each blow physically.
Chapter 2
They started off with my character. Saying things like I was shrewd and treated the office like a bullpen. That I abused other staff members for petty mistakes like poor filing. Which was obviously a lie. I mean if I slightly went off about a filing issue here or there. It was because we all had very serious jobs. Peoples lives depended on everyone doing every job right. Even the smallest ones like filing, it’s all crucial to building a case. When something was misfiled or went missing, it was a set back for the prosecution. Things like that could put bad people back on the streets. So I wouldn't call misfiling a petty mistake. Then they wanted to tarnish my career. They said I was a workaholic who slept at the station regularly. Which only happen about twice in ten years. They said I fixed cases and planted evidence to get such a high number of convictions. That was the deepest cut. I was extremely proud of the work Ash and I had accomplished. It was one thing to assassinate my character but it was another to tarnish Ash’s legacy.
I was angry at myself mostly because if I’d never did what I did he would have died a hero. Instead he was just the partner of a crooked cop. It was the biggest betrayal of our peers. They let his legacy go unacknowledged probably out of jealousy. Black cops still get treated like criminals when the narrative fits. While white male cops are untouchable. He was the best detective in the city. Better than I would ever be. As much as I tried we both knew he was just more clever. I was lucky to be his partner and it’s still my greatest honor to have served at his side. I was put on leave with pay. Once the internal investigation was over they concluded I made a bad judgement in firing my weapon. I was fired from the force but because of the circumstances and my stellar record; combined with high ratings with the chief, I would not be facing any charges.
A stroke of luck, however my luck ended there. The next few weeks were hard, to say the least. I was out of work and out of money. There was no one I could turn to. No friends from the force and no family who gave a shit in or near the city. I have a sister in Oklahoma but we’ve never got along. We didn’t grow up with our mother and once our father died we drifted even further apart. I haven’t spoken to her in years. The struggle got more real every day. I was a week from losing my apartment in midtown. I was using my car for job searching at retail shops and grocery stores but nothing ever stuck. It seemed as if my name had the devil’s pitch and I was turned away by every manager. They were armed with platitudes like ‘we aren’t hiring’ or ‘there are no positions that would fit your experience’. I realized I was feeding my gas tank more than I was feeding myself. Not that I was ever particularly hungry at anytime.
Instead of driving myself everywhere I parked my car and rode the metro around town to hand in applications and used McDonalds free wifi to submit electronic applications. All of my effort was for nothing and I was starting to feel depressed. The wight of my situation was getting too heavy to bare. Another week went by and at the end of the last day of my two week grace period, the dreaded eviction notice was waiting for me at my door. I contemplated riding the wave to court but I figured it would be easier to just leave. It was starting to look like I’d be living in my car for awhile so I used the last of my savings to buy a storage to move my things into.
I hired two young men who looked like they were on a football team from somewhere to help me move. I gave them each twenty dollars and they were happy to help a lady in need. I chalked that up to a bit of southern hospitality and assumed either they didn't watch the news or they wanted the twenty bucks more then they cared about what I’d done. Once I was finished moving my things into the storage, I used the left over of that money to buy a coke and a bottle of Johnnie Walker black, Ash’s favorite scotch. I went for a drive trying to figure out where to park for the night. I ended up in downtown near the grey hound bus station.
It was then that I realized I could have bought a ticket to anywhere in the country and started my life over. I’m not sure what kept me here but the pull was stronger than I’d realized. Was it familiarity, or comfortability? I no longer had any ties to this city so there was nothing stopping me from booking a ticket to Connecticut or Seattle. Well nothing besides the fact that I had no more money. I pulled into the McDonalds parking lot across the street and decided to make camp. I cracked open the bottle and took a swig. It was smooth on my tongue but violent going down.
I found an empty water bottle in the back seat and poured some scotch and coke into it. I sipped it thinking about my life and where it was now. I thought about Ash and everything we’d been through. I thought about the exact moment I fell involve with him. We were at a bar trying to blow off steam after a hard case at work. We were sitting next to each other but we weren't talking. A guy came up to me and asked if he could by me a drink so I let him. I ordered another brandy but when he asked to dance I declined and said I’d rather just sit there and enjoy my drink. I guess he thought that buying me a drink was actually buying my time.
He kept pressing me, he asked if I didn’t want to dance then why did I take his drink. I told him frankly that if he wanted the drink back so badly all he had to do was ask. Then I threw the drink in his face and dared him to do something about it. That’s when Ash stepped in to keep the peace. He tried to calm and separate us but the guy aggressively push Ash to get to me. “Mind your own business dick head and get out of my way.” The guy told him. I was ready to tango with the asshole but Ash grabbed his arm and when he turned around Ash laid him out with one punch. “Sleep it off you piece of shit.” He told him. I was touched and impressed but it really turned me on when he grabbed my hand and took me outside. It was just a little breezy but he took off his coat and put it around me. “Don’t worry about that guy. If it wasn't me it would have been someone else to put him on his ass.”
I was speechless and hot with desire. The muscles bulging from his shirt were doing nothing to help quench my thirst. It was just that no one had ever stood up for me like that before. It showed he really cared about me and giving me his jacket was so tinder and sweet it made me wish he’d beaten that guy up because I was his girlfriend. You might think it’s pathetic but you weren’t there. Of course I couldn't let him know that’s how I felt.
“You didn't have to play superman back there.” I said as we were walking back to his car. “I can take care of myself.”
“I’m fully aware you could have taken him out just as easily. But I wasn’t going to let you fight a drunken idiot in a bar. As hot as that would be, I wanted any consequences to fall on me.” And it did, the owner charged fifty bucks to his card for the stool that broke when the guy fell onto it. Plus thirty for the two scotch drinks. I sat in my car thinking, drinking, crying and praying for about three hours before I finally passed out.
The next morning I woke up with a minor hangover. Nothing a large cup of coffee wouldn't fix. I used the change in my console to scrape up a dollar for coffee and headed into the McDonalds. I took my laptop inside to charge it and to check on any applications or emails. In a way, Micky D’s had become my new headquarters. Strolling past the spam in my email I almost passed an invitation for an interview at a hotel downtown. I was so happy and so renewed in my hopes that I jumped up to get ready without reading all of the details. I got all dressed up and ready in the bathroom and made my way to the Rush hotel. I’d never heard of it but it was a job and at that point I was far
