TIP
If your child hates some aspect of bedtime, get that part over with first. For instance, if she can’t stand having her teeth brushed, do it right after her bath, not after you’ve read two books and gotten her all snug and cozy.
Here are some activities that work well as part of a bedtime routine, depending on a child’s age. Three from this list is plenty:
bath
put on pajamas
brush teeth
go potty
massage
swaddle
read books
sing a short song
play a quiet game
share three things about your day
tell a story
listen to music
baby or toddler yoga
small sippy cup of water with books
bottle or nursing
prayers, blessings, or sending kisses and love to others
plenty of hugs and kisses
Install room-darkening shades if your child’s bedroom gets too much light, he wakes up very early, or has trouble napping; but leave a dim night-light on so that you can see him when you check on him. He’ll probably sleep more soundly with that little bit of light too, although some children do better in total darkness.
Consider playing white noise or nature music if your child’s room isn’t very soundproof and you have a barking dog, loud neighbors, older siblings, live on a busy street, etc. Children do learn to sleep through routine household sounds (and they should to a large extent), but some places are just really loud and some kids are really sensitive. White noise is a constant sound that helps to block out noise; you can buy a white noise machine, or try turning on a fan. I discourage using music to mask noise; kids can get too dependent on it—meaning they’ll want someone to come in and restart their music every time they wake up.
7. Decide about the pacifier.
Research shows that pacifier use during sleep time may reduce the risk of sudden infant death syndrome, or SIDS, among babies who are 6 months or younger. Medical advice on pacifiers has changed frequently over the years, and it may well change again. Please check with your doctor, and check in again as your baby gets a little older. If you’re breast-feeding, wait four to six weeks until nursing is well established before you introduce the pacifier. Bottle-fed babies can start earlier.
Even if you use the pacifier when the baby sleeps, you may choose not to use it all the time when she’s awake and fussy. You can reconsider how and when you want her to continue with the pacifier when she gets to be about 6 months old.
If your baby is over 6 months old and is using a pacifier, you may need to decide if it is a problem that needs addressing during sleep coaching.
Ask yourself the following:
Can she grip and maneuver it into her mouth on her own (most babies can do this by 8 months old)?
Are you making multiple trips to her crib to replug the pacifier?
Have you spoken to your pediatrician about weaning your child off the pacifier?
Your choices:
If you find yourself having to repeatedly replug your child’s pacifier and your pediatrician has signed off on getting rid of it, then you will have to pick the big night. Unfortunately you can’t really “wean” a child from the pacifier. It’s either in the baby’s mouth or it isn’t. Pick the first night you will put your child to bed without it. You’ll have to do some extra soothing for the first few nights. I give more details on stopping the pacifier in the age chapters of Good Night, Sleep Tight. Some children give it up by themselves.
8. Get your child used to waking up between 6:00 a.m. and 7:30 a.m.
This applies to babies over 5 months of age who are waking up at all different times, sometimes as late as 8:30 or 9:30 a.m., which then throws off the entire day and confuses their internal clocks. Start waking your baby by 7:30 a.m. about five days before you plan to start sleep coaching.
9. Make sure all of your child’s caregivers are on board.
It’s vital that your spouse, partner, nanny, and anyone else who frequently cares for your child understands each aspect of the sleep-training plan (and why it’s important) and is willing to follow through. This is key to maintaining the consistency that’s so vital to sleep success. (See Nap Coaching on page 37 for what to do when you have a reluctant babysitter, and also how to work around your baby’s schedule if he’s in day care.)
10. Pick a realistic start date.
Choose a block of time, ideally about three weeks, during which you don’t expect any major disruptions or changes in your household, including trips, moving, or the arrival of a new baby. Some families decide to start sleep coaching during a summer or winter vacation so the grown-ups won’t have to juggle sleep training with work. That’s a good strategy, but be careful to keep your child’s schedule consistent even if yours is not. For instance, don’t introduce a nice, sensible 7:30 p.m. bedtime the very week you plan to let her stay up until 10:00 with the grandparents on Christmas Eve, or are going to have a horde of entertaining young cousins camping out in your backyard over the Fourth of July.
SLEEP-TIGHT TIP
Once you pick a night to start sleep coaching, make sure your child gets a good nap (or naps) that day! You don’t want to start my program with an overtired kid.
Age-Specific Sleep Averages and Typical Day Schedules
Most parents ask me what a “typical day” of feedings, naps, and bedtime would look like for their child, so what follows are typical schedules for kids at specific ages and stages. Please note that they apply to generally healthy children with no growth or developmental concerns, and are based on recommendations from the American Academy of Pediatrics. However, they’re very flexible, so you don’t need to adhere to them too rigidly. Your own child’s routine should be based on careful observation
