the calls. I wondered how many of them had talked to Florida one time or another. She probably knew them all by name.
Alan Stone scooted back to his living room set to chat with some of the callers. Here’s what a few of them said:
“I love the Dirt Demon Deluxe, Alan. And I really love that little girl. She’s so funny! I’ll buy one. Oh, I mean the vacuum cleaner, not the little girl. But I’d buy her too if I could!”
“Alan, I live in a three-story house, so I’ll take three. And wherever did you find that adorable kid?”
“I wasn’t planning to buy a Dirt Demon, but now I’ve got to have one. Madison McGee is right. It is cool. And if she ever wants to come to my house to throw Legos on my carpet, I’d be happy to vacuum them up.”
The clipboard lady grinned. “Kid, you’re golden. Next stop, the Crispy Crunch dog food segment in Studio B. If I get my way, you’ll never leave this place.”
Before I could say a word, the guy who’d whisked in Alan Stone shoved me into the wheelchair and sped me out of the studio. On the way I noticed Libby was conscious again, sipping a glass of water.
“This is the fastest way to get around this place,” he said as he charged down the hallway.
I clung to the chair, barely listening. I was keeping an eye out for the tattooed guy who had my remote control. We passed closed door after closed door.
At the end of the hall I saw the door to Studio B. Almost there. Just before the entrance, a door swung open. A sign said Product Room. Out came the guy with the lizard tattoo. We wheeled right past him.
“Stop!” I shouted. “I need to get something!” I crossed my fingers, hoping that’s where my remote was.
“No time. Gotta keep on schedule!” We raced into Studio B.
I had to figure out a way to get back to that Product Room!
A curly haired guy with a headset and a clipboard pulled me out of the wheelchair.
“The name’s Chris,” he said as he shook my hand.
I figured he must have had the same job in this studio as the clipboard lady had in the other one.
“Here’s the deal,” he said. “Our show host, Sarah, is going to be chatting it up with Amy—the product rep—about Crispy Crunch dog food. When I cue you, you’ll enter with a couple of puppies. Your job is to feed them the dog food and don’t let them escape. Can you handle that?”
“No problem.” I mean, how hard could that be? Just that morning I’d trained Leroy to sit using Froot Loops. And while I was feeding the puppies I’d figure out a way to get back to that Product Room.
Chris called “Five, four, three, two, one,” and the cameras rolled. Sarah and Amy talked about the dog food and how nutritious and delicious it was.
At first they put me in a backstage room. Chris brought in two super-cute Golden Retriever puppies and they sniffed me all over. They must have smelled Leroy. When it was time to go on, they trotted right after me onto the set.
I sat on the floor next to an open bag of Crispy Crunch dog food, but all the puppies wanted to do was sniff me and chew on the blue flowered dress. They had zero interest in eating that dog food.
Sarah the host said something about how she’d seen them scarf down a huge bowl of the dog food backstage so maybe they were full, but I’m not sure she was telling the truth.
Okay, then the most bizarre thing happened. Sarah said to prove that the dog food was tasty she would eat it herself. She ripped open a bag, pulled out a handful, and stuffed it into her mouth.
“M-m-m. Crispy Crunch dog food is delicious!” She chewed and talked with her mouth full of the stuff. It was grosser than gross. “Tastes like gourmet burgers sprinkled with corn chips! Try some!”
She shoved the bag toward Amy. I could tell the last thing she wanted to do was to eat that dog food, even though it was her product they were selling.
“Go on!” Sarah insisted. “It’s yummy!”
Amy took a bite. She gagged and looked like she was going to barf. Then she washed it down with a big gulp of water.
Meanwhile, the puppies managed to wiggle their noses up under my dress, smelling the pockets of my shorts. I suddenly realized what they were after. The Froot Loops! Thank goodness the cameras were on the two ladies devouring the dog food and not on me. I reached into my pocket and pulled out a handful of cereal I’d stashed in there when I was training Leroy. The puppies went bonkers, munching it up.
The camera zoomed in on me. I hoped it didn’t get close enough to see that the puppies were actually eating cereal.
“Will you look at that? Those puppies are scarfing down the Crispy Crunch! Oh my goodness, they can’t get enough of it!”
“It’s like they’re eating candy right out of my hand,” I said to the camera.
At the end of the segment, the clipboard lady and the spiky-haired makeup girl, bustled into the studio.
“Madison,” said the clipboard lady, “Our makeup genius, Margo, came up with a brilliant idea! We’re going to use you to demonstrate our Beauty-Does-It Insta-Perm Hair-Curling Gel.”
I needed to think fast. How was I going to make it back to that Product Room without getting caught? I had an idea.
“Sounds good,” I told her. “But I really, really have to go to the bathroom.” I hopped around a little bit, just to make the point clear.
“We don’t have much time for that sort of thing around here. Hurry up, it’s down the hall.” She pointed to a door just beyond the Product Room.
Perfect.
I worried they’d follow me, but they got caught up in a conversation with Sarah about eating the dog food. I heard them go on and on about how “brilliant” it was.
As I sprinted toward the Product Room, I ran smack into Alan Stone.
“Where are you going in such a hurry?”
“Uh, the bathroom.” Ugh. I hate to lie.
“Don’t be too long. Because of you our phones are ringing off the hook. Merchandise is flying out of here. There’s never been a shortage of unhappy people who call us when they need to be cheered up with a little TV shopping therapy, but this is definitely a new record!”
Shopping therapy? Unhappy people? Did that mean Florida was unhappy? Was that the reason she bought so much stuff she didn’t need from the TV?
“Take it from me, kid. You’re a goldmine around here. The audience is going nuts for you.”
Nice to hear, but I was hoping I wasn’t going to be making a career
