rel="nofollow" href="#ulink_ad1aea2a-7832-5e31-9a09-390696ee30ab">Serenity Garden September 2010
Grace and Dignity September 2004
No Excuse to Drink August 1996
CHAPTER NINE: Through Many Dark Valleys Money problems, health problems, relationship problems—AAs have the tools to face any adversity life hands them
Size 8, Extra Wide January 2001
A Life Without Problems May 2007
A Great Loss Made Him Even More Grateful for AA February 1980
Fire in the Holler October 1987
How the Universe Works November 2006
A Horse Named Zachary February 2004
My Best Day Sober December 2000
Welcome
“We have seen AAs suffer lingering and fatal illness with little complaint, and often in good cheer. … We have some members who never seem to get on their feet moneywise, and still others who encounter heavy financial reverses. Ordinarily we see these situations met with fortitude and faith.”
— Essay on Step Twelve, Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions
All recovering alcoholics have had to deal with adversity at multiple points in sobriety. Defined as a state of hardship or affliction, adversity could be an ugly divorce, the death of a child, the loss of a house to fire (or to the bank), or the discovery that you have a serious illness. Despite the pain we are in when these tragedies strike, drinking is not an option. We cannot drink again, as it would only lead to worse calamity. For those who have gone through the Twelve Steps, perhaps two or more times, the answers should be obvious: We talk to our sponsor or other AAs. We go to more meetings. We turn it over to our Higher Power, however we define he, she, it or they. We help another alcoholic. Does it work?
AA co-founder Bill W., sober for about 17 years by the time he penned Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, knew all too well the ups and downs of a sober life. In his essay on Step Twelve, he wrote: “How shall we come to terms with seeming failure or success? Can we now accept and adjust to either without despair or pride? Can we accept poverty, sickness, loneliness, and bereavement with courage and serenity? Can we steadfastly content ourselves with the humbler, yet sometimes more durable, satisfactions when the brighter, more glittering achievements are denied us?
“The AA answer to these questions about living is ‘Yes, all of these things are possible.’ We know this because we see monotony, pain, and even calamity turned to good use by those who keep on trying to practice AA’s Twelve Steps,” he continued. “Of course all AAs, even the best, fall far short of such achievements as a consistent thing. Without necessarily taking that first drink, we often get quite far off the beam.”
As the stories in this collection show, it is not just outside forces that spell adversity. Often the alcoholic’s trouble is of his own making—a resentment that won’t die, a bout of self-pity over not having a partner, a desire for revenge that the member cannot seem to extinguish. Or it is an untreated emotional difficulty coming to the surface, letting the AA know she must finally swallow her pride and seek help.
Some things are in our power to change; others we have to simply accept. The AAs in the stories that follow have taken both paths. Some situations are very difficult to change, and if it’s acceptance that’s needed, acceptance might be a long time coming. But through prayer and meditation, making use of a particular Step, or working with others, each member finally reckons with his adversity.
PART ONE:
PHYSICAL ADVERSITY
CHAPTER ONE
Accepting the Unacceptable
AAs share how they cope with persistent pain or lingering illness
Chronic illness and near-constant pain can whittle away the spirit of even the most positive, loving and accepting AA member. Some write about the despair and hopelessness they felt upon learning of their condition. One member, dealing with a painful permanent condition, prayed about it, asking God if this was his idea of a sadistic joke. Another, considering suicide when her condition worsened, raged at her Higher Power, asking if he’d abandoned her. As time moved on, some got a little better and their pain was eased. But others simply took their illness one day at a time, staying close to AA and finding ways to remain useful, active members.
Stumbling Block to Stepping-Stone February 2007
With a new associate’s degree in human services, Army training as a behavioral science specialist, and three years of experience as a counselor, I was ready.
But just as I began sending resumes to prospective employers, I became permanently disabled with a condition that frequently confines me to bed. After about two hours, I must take medication my doctor prescribes or pain forces me back into bed. I can spend about twenty minutes at the computer.
I know the God of my understanding has a sense of humor; I’ve seen examples all of my life, but didn’t recognize it until I got sober. So when I prayed, I said, “If this is your idea of a joke, it’s sadistic. (Poor me, poor me.) Father, did you really carry me all this way just to drop me?” It didn’t sound like the God of my understanding.
I continued with my “poor me” attitude for a while, hoping that medical treatment would help me get back to work. I spent—or wasted—about six months with this mind-set and let my character defects run the show.
While meditating
