far on dumb luck. You worked hard.
I found that I had to stop misusing the AA slogans after a time. I clung to their simple logic at first. As the days went by, however, I found that the Higher Power wanted me to think, at least partially, for myself. I had to explore with the mind God gave me.
You quickly learned that it is pointless to allow yourself to be hungry, angry, lonely, or tired. I don’t believe that this means we can go into a swoon and nod our way through life. I go to meetings when it snows even if my feet hurt. Guess what?—I feel a lot better afterward. I also read AA literature every day, and I have read it all many times before. Rereading it makes me feel good. It doesn’t take too much thinking to know it’s better to feel good than bad.
You move either away from a drink or toward one. People never stand still. Life is not arrival at a destination; life is travel to many destinations. You must reach your potential in sobriety. Enjoy the journey, bumpy roads and all.
Our friendship is a two-way street. I try to give, and I know I receive. As we become partners, I get more and more from you. You renew my faith and make my journey more joyous. Never think there is a superior-inferior relationship in any way. If I ever give that impression—tell me. You may be refreshingly surprised at how quickly I admit I am wrong.
I learned to do this in the Tenth Step. The Twelve Steps are my absolute guideposts for living. My old guides directed me into bars; our Steps brought me to AA and you. Is there any doubt which path is better?
When you reentered the program, you were smart enough to allow yourself to be sponsored by an energetic guy who is superb with brand-new people. His enthusiasm buoyed you up and really worked wonders. Then you asked me, because you were wise enough to know your sponsorship needs had changed. I keep growing, and the people around me change constantly. I hope you continue to exhibit this common sense.
You worry a lot about your past defects. Don’t, please, thrash around too long in guilt. Learn what you can from past negative experiences, and move on. Guilt is insidious and counterproductive. You are a perfect child of God. It shines through in your sobriety. I see it, and so do others. Make yourself see it.
Past liabilities can be turned around and become our strongest points. Childishness can become childlikeness or freshness; stubbornness or self-will can turn into energy to do good things; radical attitudes can help us empathize with the downtrodden or with still-drinking members. No need to feel guilt; simply get rid of the thing you feel guilty about. A wonderful way to do this is to reverse your shortcomings by reaching out to another drunk. It works.
You asked me to be your sponsor. Everything I believe and know best is contained in the Big Book. Chapter Five explains the program perfectly. It begins, “Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path.’’ Then it goes on to explain the path. Of course, you must have read it by now—no, that’s right, you told me six months ago you would read it eventually, and you haven’t yet. Oh well, I hope you will some day soon.
John, you are too young to remember World War II and the Korean conflict. It just occurred to me that a lot of soldiers received letters from their spouses or sweethearts in those days informing them that the marriage or the romance was over. These letters were called “Dear John” letters. It was ghastly for the poor guys. Now I write you, and I want you to know I will be around whenever you need me. We never lose each other in AA. Never.
I want you to think of this as a “hello letter” rather than a “good-bye letter.” I will continue to make suggestions based on my own journey. Let’s go on it together. It’s easier for both of us that way. Thanks forever for being new in AA.
Hello,
Your Sponsor
E.S., New York, N.Y.
Leadership in AA: Ever a Vital Need
By Bill W.
April 1959
No society can function well without able leadership in all its levels, and AA can be no exception. It must be said, though, that we AAs sometimes cherish the thought that we can do without any leadership at all. We are apt to warp the traditional idea of “principles before personalities” around to such a point that there would be no “personality’’ in leadership whatever. This would imply rather faceless automatons trying to please everybody, regardless.
At other times we are quite as apt to demand that AA’s leaders must necessarily be people of the most sterling judgment, morals, and inspiration; big doers, prime examples to all, and practically infallible.
Real leadership, of course, has to function in between these entirely imaginary poles. In AA, certainly, no leader is faceless and neither is any leader perfect. Fortunately, our Society is blessed with any amount of real leadership—the active people of today and the potential leaders for tomorrow, as each new generation of able members swarms in. We have an abundance of men and women whose dedication, stability, vision, and special skills make them capable of dealing with every possible service assignment. We have only to seek these folks out and trust them to serve us.
Somewhere in our literature there is a statement to this effect: “Our leaders do not drive by mandate, they lead by example.” In effect we are saying to them, “Act for us, but don’t boss us.”
A leader in AA service is therefore a guy (or a gal) who can personally put principles, plans, and policies into such dedicated and effective action that the rest of us want to back him up and help him with his job. When a leader power-drives us badly, we rebel; but when he too meekly becomes an order-taker and exercises no judgment of his own—well, he really isn’t a leader at all.
Good leadership originates plans, policies, and ideas for the improvement of our Fellowship and its services. But in new and important matters it will nevertheless consult widely before taking decisions and actions. Good leadership will also remember that a fine plan or idea can come from anybody, anywhere. Consequently, good leadership will often discard its own cherished plans for others that are better, and it will give credit to the source.
Good leadership never passes the buck. Once assured that it has, or can obtain, sufficient general backing, it freely takes decisions and puts them into action forthwith, provided, of course, that such actions be within the framework of its defined authority and responsibility.
A politico is an individual who is forever trying to “get the people what they want.” A statesman is an individual who can carefully discriminate when and when not to do this. He recognizes that even large majorities, when badly disturbed or uninformed, can once in a while be dead wrong. When such an occasional situation arises, and something vital is at stake, it is always the duty of leadership, even when in a small minority, to take a stand against the storm using its every ability of authority and persuasion to effect a change.
Nothing, however, can be more fatal to leadership than opposition for opposition’s sake. It can never be “Let’s have it our way or no way at all.” This sort of opposition is often powered by a visionless pride or a gripe that makes us want to block something or somebody. Then there is the opposition that casts its vote saying, “No, we don’t like it.” No real reasons are ever given. This won’t do. When called upon, leadership must always give its reasons, and good ones.
Then, too, a leader must realize that even very prideful or angry people can sometimes be dead right, when the calm and the more humble are quite mistaken.
These points are practical illustrations of the kinds of
