following Drama, which I humbly recommend to your Protection & Patronage, tho' inferior to those celebrated Comedies called "The School for Jealousy" & "The Travelled Man", will I hope afford some amusement to so respectable a Curate as yourself; which was the end in veiw when it was first composed by your Humble Servant.
The Author
Dramatis Personae
| Men | Women |
| Sir Arthur Hampton | Lady Hampton |
| Lord Fitzgerald | Miss Fitzgerald |
| Stanly | Sophy Hampton |
| Willoughby, Sir Arthur's nephew | Cloe Willoughby |
Location: The scenes are laid in Lord Fitzgerald's House.
Act the First
Scene the first
a Parlour
enter LORD FITZGERALD and STANLY
StanlyCousin, your servant.FitzgeraldStanly, good morning to you. I hope you slept well last night.StanlyRemarkably well, I thank you.FitzgeraldI am afraid you found your Bed too short. It was bought in my Grandmother's time, who was herself a very short woman & made a point of suiting all her Beds to her own length, as she never wished to have any company in the House, on account of an unfortunate impediment in her speech, which she was sensible of being very disagreable to her inmates.StanlyMake no more excuses, dear Fitzgerald.FitzgeraldI will not distress you by too much civility — I only beg you will consider yourself as much at home as in your Father's house. Remember, "The more free, the more Wellcome."
exit FITZGERALD
StanlyAmiable Youth! "Your virtues, could he imitate How happy would be Stanly's fate!"
exit STANLY
Scene the 2d.
STANLY and MISS FITZGERALD, discovered.
StanlyWhat Company is it you expect to dine with you to Day, Cousin?Miss F. Sir Arthur & Lady Hampton; their Daughter, Nephew & Neice.StanlyMiss Hampton & her Cousin are both Handsome, are they not?Miss F.Miss Willoughby is extreamly so. Miss Hampton is a fine Girl, but not equal to her.StanlyIs not your Brother attached to the Latter?Miss F.He admires her, I know, but I beleive nothing more. Indeed I have heard him say that she was the most beautifull, pleasing, & amiable Girl in the world, & that of all others he should prefer her for his Wife. But it never went any farther, I'm certain.StanlyAnd yet my Cousin never says a thing he does not mean.Miss F.Never. From his Cradle he has always been a strict adherent to Truth.
Exeunt Severally
End of the First Act.
Act the Second
Scene the first
The Drawing Room
Chairs set round in a row. LORD FITZGERALD, MISS FITZGERALD & STANLY seated.
Enter a Servant.
ServantSir Arthur & Lady Hampton. Miss Hampton, Mr. & Miss Willoughby.
Exit SERVANT
Enter the Company.
Miss F.I hope I have the pleasure of seeing your Ladyship well. Sir Arthur, your servant. Yrs., Mr. Willoughby. Dear Sophy, Dear Cloe, —
They pay their Compliments alternately.
Miss F.Pray be seated.
They sit
Miss F.Bless me! there ought to be 8 Chairs & there are but 6. However, if your Ladyship will but take Sir Arthur in your Lap, & Sophy my Brother in hers, I beleive we shall do pretty well.Lady H. Oh! with pleasure… .SophyI beg his Lordship would be seated.Miss F.I am really shocked at crouding you in such a manner, but my Grandmother (who bought all the furniture of this room) as she had never a very large Party, did not think it necessary to buy more Chairs than were sufficient for her own family and two of her particular freinds.SophyI beg you will make no apologies. Your Brother is very light.Stanly (aside)What a cherub is Cloe!Cloe (aside)What a seraph is Stanly!
Enter a Servant.
ServantDinner is on table.
They all rise.
Miss F.Lady Hampton, Miss Hampton, Miss Willoughby.
STANLY hands CLOE; LORD FITZGERALD, SOPHY; WILLOUGHBY, MISS FITZGERALD; and SIR ARTHUR, LADY HAMPTON
Exeunt.
Scene the 2d.
The Dining Parlour
MISS FITZGERALD at top. LORD FITZGERALD at bottom. Company ranged on each side. Servants waiting.
CloeI shall trouble Mr. Stanly for a Little of the fried Cow heel & Onion.StanlyOh Madam, there is a secret pleasure in helping so amiable a Lady. Lady H.I assure you, my Lord, Sir Arthur never touches wine; but Sophy will toss off a bumper I am sure, to oblige your Lordship.Lord F. Elder wine or Mead, Miss Hampton?SophyIf it is equal to you, Sir, I should prefer some warm ale with a toast and nutmeg.Lord F.Two glasses of warmed ale with a toast and nutmeg.Miss F.I am afraid, Mr. Willoughby, you take no care of yourself. I fear you don't meet with any thing to your liking.WilloughbyOh! Madam, I can want for nothing while there are red herrings on table.Lord F.Sir Arthur, taste that Tripe. I think you will not find it amiss.Lady H.Sir Arthur never eats Tripe; tis too savoury for him, you know, my Lord.Miss F.Take away the Liver & Crow, & bring in the suet pudding.
a short Pause.
Miss F.Sir Arthur, shan't I send you a bit of pudding?Lady H.Sir Arthur never eats suet pudding, Ma'am. It is too high a Dish for him.Miss F.Will no one allow me the honour of helping them? Then John, take away
