O my dear master, let me go with you; for my poor company
Shall be some small comfort in this time of misery.
Damon. O Stephano, hast thou been so long with me,
And yet dost not know the force of true amity?
I tell thee once again, my friend and I are but one:
Wait upon Pithias, and think thou art with Damon.
Whereof I may not now discourse, the time passeth away;
The sooner I am gone, the shorter shall be my journey:
Therefore farewell, Stephano, commend me to my friend Pithias,
Whom I trust to deliver in time out of this woful case.
Stephano. Farewell, my dear master, since your pleasure is so.
O cruel hap! O poor Stephano!
O cursed Carisophus, that first moved this tragedy!—
But what a noise is this? is all well within, trow ye?
I fear all be not well within, I will go see.—
Come out, you weasel: are you seeking eggs in Damon’s chest?
Come out, I say, wilt thou be packing? by Cock, you were best.
Carisophus. How durst thou, villain, to lay hands on me?
Stephano. Out, sir knave, or I will send ye.
Art thou not content to accuse Damon wrongfully,
But wilt thou rob him also, and that openly?
Carisophus. The king gave me the spoil: to take mine own wilt thou let me?[78]
Stephano. Thine own, villain! where is thine authority?
Carisophus. I am authority of myself; dost thou not know?
Stephano. By’r Lady, that is somewhat; but have you no more to show?
Carisophus. What, if I have not?
Stephano. Then for an earnest penny take this blow.
I shall bombast you, you mocking knave; chill put pro in my purse for this time.[79]
Carisophus. Jack, give me my sword and target.
Jack. I cannot come to you, master, this knave doth me let. Hold, master.
Stephano. Away, Jackanapes, else I will col’phise you[80] by and by:
Ye slave, I will have my pennyworths of thee therefore, if I die.
About, villain!
Carisophus. O citizens, help to defend me.
Stephano. Nay, they will rather help to hang thee.
Carisophus. Good fellow, let us reason of the matter quietly: beat me no more.
Stephano. Of this condition I will stay, if thou swear, as thou art an honest man,
Thou wilt say nothing to the king of this when I am gone.
Carisophus. I will say nothing; here is my hand, as I am an honest man.
Stephano. Then say on thy mind: I have taken a wise oath on him, have I not, trow ye?
To trust such a false knave upon his honesty?
As he is an honest man (quoth you?) he may bewray all to the king,
And break his oath for this never a whit—but, my franion,[81] I tell you this one thing:
If you disclose this, I will devise such a way,
That whilst thou livest, thou shalt remember this day.
Carisophus. You need not devise for that, for this day is printed in my memory;
I warrant you, I shall remember this beating till I die:
But seeing of courtesy you have granted that we should talk quietly,
Methinks in calling me knave you do me much injury.
Stephano. Why so, I pray thee heartily?
Carisophus. Because I am the king’s man: keeps the king any knaves?
Stephano. He should not; but what he doth, it is evident by thee,
And as far as I can learn or understand,
There is none better able to keep knaves in all the land.
Carisophus. O sir, I am a courtier: when courtiers shall hear tell,
How you have used me, they will not take it well.
Stephano. Nay, all right courtiers will ken me thank;[82] and wot you why?
Because I handled a counterfeit courtier in his kind so finely.
What, sir? all are not courtiers that have a counterfeit show;
In a troop of honest men some knaves may stand, ye know,
Such as by stealth creep in under the colour of honesty,
Which sort under that cloak do all kinds of villainy,
A right courtier is virtuous, gentle, and full of urbanity,
Hurting no man, good to all, devoid of villainy:
But such as thou art, fountains of squirrility and vain delights;
Though you hang by the court, you are but flatt’ring parasites;
As well deserving the right name of courtesy,
As the coward knight the true praise of chivalry.
I could say more, but I will not, for that I am your well-willer.
In faith, Carisophus, you are no courtier but a caterpillar,
A sycophant, a parasite, a flatterer, and a knave.
Whether I will or no, these names you must have:
How well you deserve this by your deeds it is known,
For that so unjustly thou hast accused poor Damon,
Whose woful case the gods help alone.
Carisophus. Sir, are you his servant, that you pity his case so?
Stephano. No, bum troth, goodman Grumb, his name is Stephano:
I am called Onaphets,[83]
