The Apple-Tree Table, and Other Sketches. Herman Melville
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I still watched it, and with still increasing self-possession. Sparkling and wriggling, it still continued its throes. In another moment it was just on the point of escaping its prison. A thought struck me. Running for a tumbler, I clapped it over the insect just in time to secure it.
After watching it a while longer under the tumbler, I left all as it was, and, tolerably composed, retired.
Now, for the soul of me, I could not, at that time, comprehend the phenomenon. A live bug come out of a dead table? A fire-fly bug come out of a piece of ancient lumber, for one knows not how many years stored away in an old garret? Was ever such a thing heard of, or even dreamed of? How got the bug there? Never mind. I bethought me of Democritus, and resolved to keep cool. At all events, the mystery of the ticking was explained. It was simply the sound of the gnawing and filing, and tapping of the bug, in eating its way out. It was satisfactory to think, that there was an end forever to the ticking. I resolved not to let the occasion pass without reaping some credit from it.
"Wife," said I, next morning, "you will not be troubled with any more ticking in our table. I have put a stop to all that."
"Indeed, husband," said she, with some incredulity.
"Yes, wife," returned I, perhaps a little vaingloriously, "I have put a quietus upon that ticking. Depend upon it, the ticking will trouble you no more."
In vain she besought me to explain myself. I would not gratify her; being willing to balance any previous trepidation I might have betrayed, by leaving room now for the imputation of some heroic feat whereby I had silenced the ticking. It was a sort of innocent deceit by implication, quite harmless, and, I thought, of utility.
But when I went to breakfast, I saw my wife kneeling at the table again, and my girls looking ten times more frightened than ever.
"Why did you tell me that boastful tale," said my wife, indignantly. "You might have known how easily it would be found out. See this crack, too; and here is the ticking again, plainer than ever."
"Impossible," I explained; but upon applying my ear, sure enough, tick! tick! tick! The ticking was there.
Recovering myself the best way I might, I demanded the bug.
"Bug?" screamed Julia, "Good heavens, papa!"
"I hope sir, you have been bringing no bugs into this house," said my wife, severely.
"The bug, the bug!" I cried; "the bug under the tumbler."
"Bugs in tumblers!" cried the girls; "not our tumblers, papa? You have not been putting bugs into our tumblers? Oh, what does—what does it all mean?"
"Do you see this hole, this crack here?" said I, putting my finger on the spot.
"That I do," said my wife, with high displeasure. "And how did it come there? What have you been doing to the table?"
"Do you see this crack?" repeated I, intensely.
"Yes, yes," said Julia; "that was what frightened me so; it looks so like witch-work."
"Spirits! spirits!" cried Anna.
"Silence!" said my wife. "Go on, sir, and tell us what you know of the crack."
"Wife and daughters," said I, solemnly, "out of that crack, or hole, while I was sitting all alone here last night, a wonderful—"
Here, involuntarily, I paused, fascinated by the expectant attitudes and bursting eyes of Julia and Anna.
"What, what?" cried Julia.
"A bug, Julia."
"Bug?" cried my wife. "A bug come out of this table? And what did you do with it?"
"Clapped it under a tumbler."
"Biddy! Biddy!" cried my wife, going to the door. "Did you see a tumbler here on this table when you swept the room?"
"Sure I did, marm, and 'bomnable bug under it."
"And what did you do with it?" demanded I.
"Put the bug in the fire, sir, and rinsed out the tumbler ever so many times, marm."
"Where is that tumbler?" cried Anna. "I hope you scratched it—marked it some way. I'll never drink out of that tumbler; never put it before me, Biddy. A bug—a bug! Oh, Julia! Oh, mamma! I feel it crawling all over me, even now. Haunted table!"
"Spirits! spirits!" cried Julia.
"My daughters," said their mother, with authority in her eyes, "go to your chamber till you can behave more like reasonable creatures. Is it a bug—a bug that can frighten you out of what little wits you ever had? Leave the room. I am astonished, I am pained by such childish conduct."
"Now tell me," said she, addressing me, as soon as they had withdrawn, "now tell me truly, did a bug really come out of this crack in the table?"
"Wife, it is even so."
"Did you see it come out?"
"I did."
She looked earnestly at the crack, leaning over it.
"Are you sure?" said she, looking up, but still bent over.
"Sure, sure."
She was silent. I began to think that the mystery of the thing began to tell even upon her. Yes, thought I, I shall presently see my wife shaking and shuddering, and, who knows, calling in some old dominie to exorcise the table, and drive out the spirits.
"I'll tell you what we'll do," said she suddenly, and not without excitement.
"What, wife?" said I, all eagerness, expecting some mystical proposition; "what, wife?"
"We will rub this table all over with that celebrated 'roach powder' I've heard of."
"Good gracious! Then you don't think it's spirits?"
"Spirits?"
The emphasis of scornful incredulity was worthy of Democritus himself.
"But this ticking—this ticking?" said I.
"I'll whip that out of it."
"Come, come, wife," said I, "you are going too far the other way, now. Neither roach powder nor whipping will cure this table. It's a queer table, wife; there's no blinking