firm. But when I got to London to meet Margaret on her return from Haidakhan, I found two letters from her saying that all she wanted to do was to spend the rest of her life in Babaji's presence; and thanks for everything. After a night of pondering what to do, I extended my airline ticket from Tel Aviv to New Delhi and cabled for an interview in the Ministry of External Affairs. It was in this way that I met Babaji somewhat earlier than my Capricornian schedule had contemplated.
In New Delhi, in Vrindaban, and during the ten days in Haidakhan, I tried to talk Margaret into returning to the United States and marriage, but she was firm in her desire to stay with Babaji. I grew more and more concerned with my need to pursue my consulting business proposal and, finally, headed back to the U.S.A. Margaret went with me to Delhi to see me off, but she would not go back to the United States with me.
In Washington, D.C., I sat at my desk to prepare a report to my prospective clients on my findings on the business trip, but nothing came. Day after day I went to my desk, then wandered off, stymied and bewildered. I read through the Haidakhan aarati service morning and evening and almost always ended up teary and in confusion. I could not understand what had happened to me. After about ten days of this, words began to flow from my pen and in another ten days I had a good report in the mail to my prospective clients. I had a contractual obligation to my former office and I sat to complete work on that project and went through the same process of "nothingness," followed by a burst of work.
Margaret called from India to tell me that when Babaji returned to Haidakhan, His first question to her was, "Why did your friend leave without My permission?" A few days later, Babaji sent Margaret out of the ashram (for the third time in her three-month stay) and told her to "go to your home." She considered her home was with Babaji, so she went to another of His ashrams.
I was so upset, so 'incomplete' in my relationships with both Margaret and Babaji, that six weeks after my return from India I was back on a plane, bound for New Delhi and Haidakhan.
When I reached the top of the "108 Steps" at the Haidakhan Ashram, Margaret was standing in the door of Swami Fakiranand's office, cleaning a rug. I had left Washington so precipitously that I had not sent a telegram. Margaret almost fainted from surprise, but she recovered quickly and told me that Babaji was giving darshan by the temple and that I should wash before going to see Him.
Shri Babaji was sitting on His dais in the kirtan hall, the three-walled room whose open side faced the temple which housed the marble statue of 'Old Haidakhan Baba.' Babaji was talking with an Indian devotee, so I knelt and touched His feet and sat down. When Babaji finished His conversation, He turned to me and asked, "Why did you leave without My permission?" (I learned later that ashram protocol required that one have Babaji s permission to stay in the ashram and that one was expected to clear things with Babaji before leaving the ashram.) I told Him that I had needed to work on my new business proposal, and told Him how the work had gone and why I had returned. After a few minutes more of giving darshan, Babaji left His dais and took me to the bottom of the stairs leading to guestrooms in the largest building in the ashram. He told an Indian devotee to give me one of those rooms, and we took my luggage upstairs.
When I came back down, people were sitting down to eat the noon meal. Margaret started to sit apart from me and Babaji came over to us, told the person between us to move, and firmly sat us down together. He told me, "You can have her in your room, if you like," and walked away. Margaret was appalled and annoyed; ashram rules separated male and female sleeping arrangements. Before Margaret had finished telling me I should not ask her to stay in my room, Babaji came back to us and said to me, "You can marry her, if you like," and then He went off to the room where He ate a few morsels of the food offered to Him. Margaret's indignation was great, but, even then, she recognized that she had surrendered her will to His; she would not deny anything He required of her. But, lawyer-like, she noted that in both statements Babaji had left the choice to me and she started working to make certain that I would not "exercise my option."
Babaji played with us for a week. We did share the guest-room, and we worked together, ate together, went together to talk to Babaji. On one occasion, at the temple near the hillside work project, as we knelt before Babaji, He took our right hands in His, pressed them together, and laughingly said, in English, "You're married! You're married!" and then quickly walked away, leaving us wondering if He were serious. We knew that He 'threw' people into situations to test them and help them grow through their problems and desires; but there was also the possibility that He really willed our marriage. So we began asking Babaji, "Is this marriage Your Will?," or was it my desire that Babaji was fulfilling? When Margaret asked that question of Him one day, Babaji responded that He was supporting my desire. When I asked on another occasion, I got a noncommittal response.
After a few days of this, I agreed with Margaret that I had no desire to be wedded to a woman who didn't want to be married. I went to Babaji to tell Him so. I knelt before Him, touched His feet, and raised my head to speak. And Babaji got up and hurried away. Because He stopped talking about the marriage, we concluded He had stopped playing the marriage game with us. We decided that if He asked again, I would tell Babaji that there would be no marriage.
Early in this visit to Haidakhan, I had gotten a case of diarrhea and Shri Babaji had told me to rest and eat carefully. Late one morning, a week after my arrival, I had taken a nap and I was awakened by the sound of the temple bells welcoming Babaji back from the work sites across the river. I heard Babaji's laughter and felt pulled to go to His presence. When I got to Him, He was seated on the wall outside His room and about twenty devotees, including Margaret, were standing and sitting around Him. I knelt before Him and as I rose up, Babaji asked, "What do you want to say?" With my mind stilled by sleep, I had nothing to say; but what came out of my lips was, "Baba, we just want to do Your Will." And Babaji replied, "It is My Will that you marry." And, without further ado, Babaji married us on the spot - literally tied our hands together, sent us to the temple to make our pranams, had rings produced for us to exchange, and told us to arrange a wedding feast for the next day!
The next day I had a mundan - a complete head shave, hair and mustache gone. Shri Babaji sometimes recommended mundans for healing, or for helping a person work through a spiritual block (like attachment to one's established looks and identity), or simply as a symbol of one's submission to his or her guru. I think it was the latter thought that prompted my request to Moti Bhagwan, the ashram barber, for the mundan.
In the late afternoon, Margaret and I went to the garden where Shri Babaji was directing the evening's work. He tenderly led us to a log and sat us on it so we could look down the lovely valley. A few days before, Babaji had given Margaret the name Sita Rami. Ram was the first of the great "human" forms of The Divine in the Hindu experience, and Sita was His wife, so perfect and so devoted to Lord Ram that she is still held up to Indian girls and women as the ideal of womanhood. The name Sita Rami combines both the male and female energies and aspects of God. Babaji asked if I had any other desire. I laughed and said that now that I had a new wife and a mundan, I would like a new name. Without hesitation, Babaji said my name was Radhe Shyam (or Radheyshyam). A devotee explained to me that Shyam is one of the many names of Lord Krishna and Radha was His most devoted female follower; in stories and pictures, Krishna and Radha are linked. So Babaji gave both of us powerful names that link the male and female energies of The Divine.
We stayed in the ashram for about a week after our marriage. Babaji blessed us in so many ways that we were dizzy with it. We came from heaven. We were made for each other in heaven. The gods smiled on our marriage; even the birds of the valley were rejoicing. He had never seen a more perfect couple. We began to think that maybe He was serious about this marriage.
Early in May, Babaji sent us back to the United States. We asked when we could return to Haidakhan. He gave us the charge of sending money for three more temples to be built on the right bank of the river; that would cost "three or four lakhs of rupees" - about $50,000 at that time. When the money had been sent, we could return, "if you wish."
As
