and had no self-love. I was afraid of being myself and was desperately hoping for more attention, fame or admiration to justify my existence. It wasn't until my late 20s that I finally experienced a relationship. I had so desperately wanted it for so long but had never allowed it to happen. I always told myself no-one was good enough, but the reality was that I didn't feel like I was good enough.
Then one day, I was invited to appear on the reality show Dancing with the Stars. Immediately, my competitive side kicked in and I said yes, also thinking that I could raise awareness and money for a charity I believed in (I wanted to help in mental health).
But I woke up the next morning in a cold sweat thinking, ‘What the f*ck have I just said yes to!?’ I couldn't even dance when I was out with a group of friends, let alone in front of a live audience on live television broadcast around the country to more than three million people. I panicked and tried to pull out, before reminding myself of my experience with public speaking, and how it changed my life. I thought if I could get through that, then maybe this was possible too, and that I may learn something about myself along the way.
To this day, I was more nervous than I have ever been in my life on the first episode of that show. I was probably one of the worst dancers in the history of the show, but I survived it, and ended up staying in until week seven of 10. I was also able to speak out about my own mental health publicly for the first time. More importantly, it was this that led me to being invited to speak in schools and share my story. Had I not overcome my fear of public speaking I wouldn't have been able to do the show and I would have missed the opportunity that changed my life.
In those first school talks, I quickly saw the impact of simply speaking openly and authentically. Kids would come up and tell me it led to them getting help for the first time. It sparked something in me, and in the years since I have spoken more than 1000 times both in Australia and overseas, at schools, universities, companies, in the media, even doing two TEDx talks. It led to working with behaviour-change companies, charities, individuals and eventually starting my own seminar company and producing video and audio programs around mental wellbeing. My goal is simple: to make global change in mental health by whatever means are available to me.
Fulfilling my purpose and passion
Following Dancing with the Stars, I launched my first business, an underwear label called underBRACKS. At the time, I was booking a lot of underwear modelling work, had just finished my degree and wanted to start my own business. After all the media attention from being on television, people joked that I should start my own underwear label. Eventually I thought, why not? I did it on a whim and learned and made mistakes as I went along. We sold them online and eventually did a deal with retailer Myer. It was a really valuable first foray into the business world. Since then, I've opened a café in Melbourne's CBD called The Lobby 601, co-founded a nutrition company, started a wellness app called Happy Waves, and launched the Move Your Mind organisation and podcast, of which I'm very proud.
I moved into acting following the reality shows (I was also on a show called Celebrity Splash) with a completely misguided idea in my mind that I could become famous. Once I started attending acting classes, that thought was quickly dispelled and I ended up falling in love with the process of simply doing it.
I did years of classes, at one point full time, and slowly began to grow more self-love and self-awareness as well as developing a clear focus and goal in my life. My goal to make global change in mental health was joined by another one: to land acting work. To be a good actor, you must understand yourself, get over your ego and have an open mind as to why people behave as they do. You have to learn not to judge and really understand what drove someone to become the person they are. It all resonated so clearly with me and I think acting is one of the best things you can do for personal development. It certainly has become something that continues to ground me and keep me focused on my work.
As a result, I was lucky enough to land a role on the iconic Australian television program Neighbours on and off for two years. I have since been cast in an Australian feature film and moved to Vancouver and the United States to audition for American roles. Regardless of whether it takes off as a career, I know I'll always act for myself. It's become a passion and I really believe that purpose and passion are two of the most important things for your mental health. If you have a daily purpose and are doing things you are passionate about, then the end goal doesn't matter. The only thing you can ever control is what you do right now, so not enjoying the process amounts to not enjoying life. All you ever have is right now.
Facing fear and failure
At this stage, I felt like my life was finally on track. I was starting the new app business with a great team and investors on board. I was getting comfortable with acting, Neighbours was going well and I was also in a two-year relationship and in love for the first time in my life.
But within two weeks, a chain of events completely out of my control knocked me for six. Things abruptly ended with my girlfriend, and one of my businesses was in turmoil. Despite spending two years creating the company, putting everything I had into it and launching it successfully, there was an internal issue out of my control that caused the business to break down.
Suddenly, I was seeing years of my work go down the drain. Plus, I was dealing with my first heartbreak. I felt like it was going to break me and I didn't know where to turn or what to do. I was losing hope and finding it difficult to overcome the emotional pain.
But rather than hide from the feelings and block them out, I decided to draw on what I had previously learned and embrace them. Yes, I felt like I'd lost control of everything, but I wanted to feel all the pain and use the time to reflect. So, I drew on my daily habits by embracing my exercise, meditation and alone time — things that were all fully in my control.
I started small, took baby steps and focused on the process. Gradually things got better and I found that I grew in ways I didn't think I would. For example, I can safely say if I hadn't had the daily habit of exercising, I wouldn't have been able to make it through that period in a sane manner. I knew that no matter how bad the day was (and most were bad), I could exercise at least once every single day. And I knew that this would always put my mind at ease, allow me an hour or so of not thinking about anything other than moving, and, without a shadow of a doubt, leave me feeling emotionally and physically significantly better than when I began. This experience really reinforced just how important exercise (and other daily habits) are in our daily wellbeing.
Now, as I write this book, I look back on the car crash, the humiliation and all the dangerous situations I've put myself in, and I believe it's essential to face fears and go through pain to grow. Until you can learn to live with discomfort, I don't believe you can be the best version of yourself.
A final word
Fear is important because it leads to happiness. Failure is important because it leads to success. You need to look at failure not as failure but as learning. If you can reframe your mindset to see two possible outcomes when approaching a new task — I will either learn something (instead of viewing it as failure) or I will achieve my goal — then you'll be in a better mindset and more willing to take risks and grow. I tell myself that it will be uncomfortable at the beginning but if I can stick to it, things will get easier. And they always do. Once you can grasp this, you'll become so much better equipped to improve yourself.
There's no right or wrong way to go about anything and you need to learn to trust yourself, to trust your gut. Everyone has an opinion and they're often projecting their own insecurities onto you when offering advice. If you can simplify things and work out what you value, what you're passionate about and what you want to dedicate each day to doing, then the rest will work itself out.
Remember that
