Launching Financial Grownups. Bobbi Rebell

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      It seems counterintuitive, but the research actually supports the idea that having a child live independently, even if it means financially subsidizing that young adult's “independent” life leads to better career outcomes. The theory is that they are getting used to the daily rituals of financially independent living. Even if they are not paying 100 percent of the financial costs, they are starting to understand all the different money-related variables of life as a financial grownup. Parents can set up a gradual schedule to scale back on the support.

      In my case, after living at home for about six months following college graduation and getting a few months of working at a real adult job under my belt, my parents helped me move into a brief rental and then buy my first apartment in my early twenties. I was so fortunate that I had a backstop, but the reality is that almost all my take-home pay went to housing costs and other fixed expenses. Sharing a 99-cent box of mac and cheese with a close friend most nights quickly made me aware of the costs of adult life. I pushed for promotions at work. I left for a better paying job. I watched my money very closely. I'm not sure I would have been as tuned in if I lived at home, with food always in the refrigerator and my laundry done each week.

      Of course, this is not always financially viable for parents. Spouses may disagree, and every young adult is different in terms of their personality, readiness, and maturity. The key is that there has to be a phasing out of the financial support. We will get to that later in the book.

      My work focuses on the money stories that drive us to find a path through the different life stages of growing up. But the focus had always been on the person doing the growing up. What I have not fully explored – and frankly solved for – is the role older generations, the parents and grandparents, need to play in the process.

      Launching Financial Grownups is a call to action for parents of young adults who want the best for their kids but are beginning to realize that their own financial independence and financial separation from their children must become a priority as well. This will be your practical guide for how best to raise children to become financially responsible, independent young adults in our rapidly changing, increasingly competitive economy so they can create their own grownup lives.

      1 1. https://mlaem.fs.ml.com/content/dam/ml/registration/ml_parentstudybrochure.pdf

      2 2. https://www.55places.com/blog/survey-reveals-empty-nesters-still-supporting-children-financially

SECTION 1 Prerequisites

       We want to raise independent human beings, but we do not want them to make mistakes.

      —KJ Dell'Antonia, Author, How to Be a Happier Parent

      In some cases, that fear is spot on. Many of us, myself included, are at a loss. That's what compelled me to write this book. I wanted to figure out why so many young adults are so financially tied to their parents these days – and why so many of our children don't seem to be as bothered as we, their parents, are by the situation.

      Let me assure you that if you are investing your time in reading this, you are on the right track. Getting yourself informed and ready to take on this challenge is the hardest part. If you are confused by why this is so much harder for us than we think it was for our parents, join the club.

      Many of the reasons we as parents continue to be so heavily involved in our children's lives as they move into their mid-twenties have to do with huge cultural changes. Something as simple as Obamacare, which allowed kids to be on their parents' health insurance until age 26, created a new benchmark for perceived adulthood. Kids' phone bills often start coming in middle school, and many parents, myself included, don't think to turn them off as the kids move through the different stages of becoming an adult. Bills are on autopay, and we just keep paying.

      Gen X parents also often have more in common with our kids. Many of us get along with our adult children better than previous generations. Thanks to technology, we have more interaction with them, are more accessible when they need us, and can be more involved in their lives. Modern cultural values and priorities have brought us closer in so many wonderful ways, as parents today are intentionally more active in their kids' lives.

      I have interviewed many of the top parenting experts, financial therapists, and money experts in the world and am so excited to share their incredible observations on the trends that have been shaping parent-child financial relationships. The advice they share on how we can best navigate the changing landscape will prove invaluable to all of us as we go through this journey. However, we must also do the work and make some tough decisions. It is essential that we come to terms with the fact that becoming a financial grownup ourselves is no longer enough. We as parents and grandparents must bring the next generations with us. But the thinking on exactly how to do so has had a massive shift for a number of reasons that we will get into soon.

      It is becoming more apparent that changing cultural expectations have impacted our approach as to how our kids will separate from us economically and why that has become so complicated. The COVID-19 crisis has added a new wrinkle to the trend but has also opened up new lines of communication about finances that are proving very helpful. In previous generations, kids were expected to function as adults by their late teenage years.

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