you scratched yourself like us?”
“No, Messire,” answered Pompilius.
“Have you spoken or moved?”
“No, Messire,” replied Pompilius.
“Then,” said the provost, “you shall have your fifteen ducats. Now go and scratch yourself.”
VIII
The next day, the people, having learned from Ulenspiegel what had happened, said it was a wicked mockery to make them worship as a saint a whining fellow who could not hold in his water.
And many became heretics. And setting out with all their goods, they hastened to swell the prince’s army.
Ulenspiegel returned towards Liége.
Being alone in the wood he sat down and pondered. Looking at the bright sky, he said:
“War, always war, so that the Spanish enemy may slay the poor people, pillage our goods, violate our wives and daughters. And all the while our goodly money goes, and our blood flows in rivers without profit to any one, except for this royal churl that would fain add another jewel of authority to his crown. A jewel that he imagines glorious, a jewel of blood, a jewel of smoke. Ah! if I could jewel thee as I desire, there would be none but flies to desire thy company.”
As he thought on these things he saw pass before him a whole herd of stags. There were some among them old and tall, with their dowcets still, and proudly wearing their antlers with nine points. Graceful brockets, which are their squires, trotted alongside them seeming all prepared to give them succour with their pointed horns. Ulenspiegel knew not where they were going, but judged that it was to their lair.
“Ah!” said he, “old stags and graceful brockets, ye are going, merry and proud, into the depths of the woodland to your lair, eating the young shoots, snuffling up the balmy scents, happy until the hunter-murderer shall come. Even so with us, old stags and brockets!”
And the ashes of Claes beat upon Ulenspiegel’s breast.
IX
In September, when the gnats cease from biting, the Silent One, with six field guns and four great cannon to talk for him, and fourteen thousand Flemings, Walloons, and Germans, crossed the Rhine at Saint Vyt.
Under the yellow-and-red ensigns of the knotty staff of Burgundy, a staff that bruised our countries for long, the rod of the beginning of servitude that Alba wielded, the bloody duke, there marched twenty-six thousand five hundred men, and rumbled along seventeen field pieces and nine big guns.
But the Silent One was not to have any good success in this war, for Alba continually refused battle.
And his brother Ludwig, the Bayard of Flanders, after many cities won, and many ships held to ransom on the Rhine, lost at Jemmingen in Frisia to the duke’s son sixteen guns, fifteen hundred horses, and twenty ensigns, all through certain cowardly mercenary troops, who demanded money when it was the hour of battle.
And through ruin, blood, and tears, Ulenspiegel vainly sought the salvation of the land of our fathers.
And the executioners throughout the countries were hanging, beheading, burning the poor innocent victims.
And the king was inheriting.
X
Going through the Walloon country, Ulenspiegel saw that the prince had no succour to hope for thence, and so he came up to the town of Bouillon.
Little by little he saw appearing on the road more and more hunchbacks of every age, sex, and condition. All of them, equipped with large rosaries, were devoutly telling their beads on them.
And their prayers were as the croakings of frogs in a pond at night when the weather is warm.
There were hunchback mothers carrying hunchback children, whilst other children of the same brood clung to their skirts. And there were hunchbacks on the hills and hunchbacks in the plains. And everywhere Ulenspiegel saw their thin silhouettes standing out against the clear sky.
He went to one and said to him:
“Whither go all these poor men, women, and children?”
The man replied:
“We are going to the tomb of Master Saint Remacle to pray him that he will grant what our hearts desire, by taking from off our backs his lump of humiliation.”
Ulenspiegel rejoined:
“Could Master Saint Remacle give me also what my heart desireth, by taking from off the back of the poor communes the bloody duke, who weighs upon them like a leaden hump?”
“He hath not charge to remove humps of penance,” replied the pilgrim.
“Did he remove others?” asked Ulenspiegel.
“Aye, when the humps are young. If then the miracle of healing takes place, we hold revel and feasting throughout all the town. And every pilgrim gives a piece of silver, and oftentimes a gold florin to the happy one that is cured, becomes a saint thereby and with power to pray with efficacy for the others.”
Ulenspiegel said:
“Why doeth the wealthy Master Saint Remacle, like a rascal apothecary, make folk pay for his cures?”
“Impious tramp, he punishes blasphemers!” replied the pilgrim, shaking his hump in fury.
“Alas!” groaned Ulenspiegel.
And he fell doubled up at the foot of a tree.
The pilgrim, looking down on him, said:
“Master Saint Remacle smites hard when he smites.”
Ulenspiegel bent up his back, and scratching at it, whined:
“Glorious saint, take pity. It is chastisement. I feel between my shoulder bones a bitter agony. Alas! O! O! Pardon, Master Saint Remacle. Go, pilgrim, go, leave me here alone, like a parricide, to weep and to repent.”
But the pilgrim had fled away as far as the Great Square of Bouillon, where all the hunchbacks were gathered.
There, shivering with fear, he told them, speaking brokenly:
“Met a pilgrim as straight as a poplar … a blaspheming pilgrim … hump on his back … a burning hump!”
The pilgrims, hearing this, they gave vent to a thousand joyful outcries, saying:
“Master Saint Remacle, if you give humps, you can take them away. Take away our humps, Master Saint Remacle!”
Meanwhile, Ulenspiegel left his tree. Passing through the empty suburb, he saw, at the low door of a tavern, two bladders swinging from a stick, pigs’ bladders, hung up in this fashion as a sign of a fair of black puddings, panch kermis as they say in the country of Brabant.
Ulenspiegel took one of the two bladders, picked up from the ground the backbone of a schol, which the French call dried plaice, drew blood from himself, made some blood run into the bladder, blew it up, sealed it, put it on his back, and on it placed the backbone of the schol.
