you kick the telly it’s because you know just enough to think it could work; if it does though, you haven’t got the foggiest notion why. This is a bit like that; I see it as old-fashioned physics administering a gentle slap to a technological young upstart.
There are two plausible theories as to what’s going on:
1 The mechanical theory. it could be that the ‘read’ head of the drive is jammed, and that freezing makes the metal parts shrink just enough to free it for a few minutes.
2 The magnetic theory. hard drives store information magnetically and the magnetic field gets stronger as the recording media get colder, allowing the drive to read it more easily.
Oh, and before you shut the freezer, you may as well get out a frozen lasagne…it’s time for dinner.
DISHWASHER COOKERY
This is perfect if you can’t face doing any washing up after you’ve cooked. The longest cycle on the machine (usually 90 minutes or so) will cook fish and vegetarian foods perfectly well, while you process a load of dishes at the same time.
The dishwasher chef’s primary skill is wrapping up each dish in a watertight little parcel of foil. The key here is to make sure the foil is tightly sealed so no water can get in and ruin your food. It’s a skill that will come in handy later (see Car-engine cookery). An easier cop out here is to seal it all up in a freezer bag.
POACHED, STEAMED AND GLEAMING SALMON STEAKS
There’s no limit on space (unless, of course, you already have a fairly full machine), so go for broke with some big meaty salmon steaks.
Serves four Cooking time: 70 minutes
Ingredients:
Four large salmon steaks
Seasoning
Cooking foil
Steps:
1 Season each steak and wrap with dill and lemon inside a foil parcel with tightly crimped edges. If you’re using detergent in the wash cycle, consider sealing the salmon inside a freezer bag.
2 Place parcels on the top shelf and set dishwasher to its highest and longest setting. A 2-3cm-thick steak will cook to pink perfection in a 70-minute hot cycle.
DISHWASHER LASAGNE
Serves four Cooking time: 1 hour
Ingredients:
Use a recipe of your choice for vegetarian ricotta or spinach lasagne.
Steps:
1 Make the lasagne in the middle of a large sheet of foil, building up layers of pasta and filling as you go.
2 Wrap lasagne securely in the foil.
3 Place the package flat on the bottom rack of the dishwasher.
4 Set to the normal wash cycle and repeat if necessary until cooking time is reached.
5 Before serving, leave the lasagne to stand for five minutes.
A genuine benefit of dishwasher cookery is that you’re far less likely to burn your dinner. But sometimes it’s going to happen, and when it does the urban bushman knows exactly whom to turn to…
SLUG SKIVVIES
RECRUIT YOUR GARDEN SLUGS TO DO THE CHORES
For centuries ancient tribes have cooperated with animals for mutual benefit, whether it’s working with dogs in the hunt, following birds to a source of water or using maggots to clean wounds. Now we can translate this tradition to the urban environment, calling on the expertise of some back-garden wildlife to help with some particularly dull chores.
Back-garden pot washers
Burned-on food gunk is the last thing you want to face on a Sunday night after a particularly good lasagne or nut roast. When your scourers have turned black and the dishwasher won’t shift it, here’s what to do: forget washing up, just pop it outside overnight and let the slugs go to work. Slugs are equipped with 27,000 tiny teeth spaced along a rasping tonguelike appendage called a radula. It’s custom-made to get into small gaps and crevices and scrape off rich sources of food, like mould (or burned-on cheese bake). They really are specialists at this.
TIPS
Slugs follow habitual trails, so for a better chance of success put your pots on a slime line. If they don’t finish it off in one sitting, they’ll be back.
Place pots upside down (leaving a gap for slug access) and wash before re-use.
Cleaning grout the organic way
Black mould on the grout between your bathroom tiles is a sad inevitability of modern life – where there’s moisture there’s mould. But one thing’s for certain: you need to get that off before the parents/in-laws come to visit. It can be a devil of a job too, unless you recruit the assistance of that supremely equipped mould-muncher, the slug.
You’ll need to find a few slugs and familiarise them with the new environment on the tiles before they do much cleaning. Give them a dark damp hideaway where they can spend the day, making sure they can get out. They prefer to work at night so be prepared for a shock if you like a shower after dark.
If you get the timing of this right, the slugs munch away on the mould all night, leaving you with spotless, if slightly slimy, grout. The great benefit of course is that it’s entirely free from nasty detergents or cleaners.
It can take a while, so be patient and if there’s no improvement after a few days, consider changing your slugs.
THE WEEKEND BUSHMAN
Now that your chores are done it’s time to focus on something more edifying: bushcraft that soothes the soul, especially designed to fill up your weekend or while away an evening in or crafty morning off.
I’ll start with a favourite demonstration of the mood-altering possibilities of bushcraft in the home
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HOW TO TURN YOUR TV INTO A COSMIC TIME MACHINE
This is a cure for a condition commonly known as ‘Nothing on the Telly’. When we complain that ‘nothing’s on’ what we mean is that there’s nothing that’s going to grab us by the scruff of the neck, slap us
