her appearance and their sex life became nonexistent. To make matters worse, he hardly included her in his own social life. It wasn’t until Elaine had to move back to her home town to look after her mother, who was ill, that she was able to look at the situation calmly and see that her eating was a way of hiding her fear that without Chris she was nothing. She began exercising again and joined a slimming club and is now restarting her life without Chris.
There are two phases to this strategy: the first is establishing where you are and the second is doing a reality check.
You may have an event in the not too distant future that you want to lose weight for – perhaps it’s a wedding or a beach holiday. You know what you want to achieve – where you want to get to – but, before you embark on any plan, you need to establish where you are right here, right now. Losing weight and keeping it off is about what you do in the future, but it is also what you can do at this very moment, right here, right now. Yes, long-term weight loss is about what you carry on doing, but many people live in a twilight zone of not appreciating what they can do now, in this actual moment, to improve their health, feel better about themselves and lose weight.
Focusing too much on the future causes unhappiness because it prevents us from enjoying the moment. The brain is whirling ahead, thinking about dinner that night or worrying about little Johnny’s report at the parents’ evening next week, or your appraisal with your boss at the end of the month. All this chatter going on in the brain can dull your experience and enjoyment of what is happening now. It builds to create a toxic thought process that blocks your enjoyment of the moment and masks your perception of what you could do right now to help you towards your goal.
Once you have mastered the here and now skill, dropping a size becomes a sequence of ‘now’ moments that act as building blocks to successful long-term weight loss. When you have accepted that life is a series of ‘nows’, all joined up, you need to do a reality check and think about what is possible right now in terms of your weight loss efforts. Losing weight and keeping it off is a journey. It may be that life is very hectic for you at the current time – perhaps you’re starting a new job and you’ve got the builders in – and you’re not in the right ‘space’ to lose weight with as much effort or as fast as you would like. That’s all right – don’t beat yourself up about it. While I don’t want to give you an excuse to put off what you can do today until tomorrow, there are many situations that can make it difficult to drop that size as quickly as you would like. That’s just life – you need to do what you can when you can. In fact, perhaps you need to simply accept that staying the same size, rather than gaining a size, is a more realistic interim goal.
If you’re trying to lose weight in a specific time frame and your life is not in the right space to allow you to achieve it, you need to change the time span you set yourself to lose that size.
Step five action aims are about learning to live in the NOW.
ACTION POINT 1: FORGIVE YOURSELF
WHAT YOU NEED TO DO
Start right now by saying sorry to yourself. Say sorry for the way you have given yourself a hard time over an issue in your life, no matter how big or small. For example, perhaps you feel that your lack of time and effort led to the breakdown of your relationship or you feel bad that you got caught up at work and were late picking up your child. Stop beating yourself up over it – acknowledge why it happened and forgive yourself for it. Then move forward.
THE LOGIC
Criticizing and blaming yourself is like telling your subconscious mind that you are a bad human being – and it will believe you. Everyone screws up sometimes, but the important thing is to acknowledge the error or mishap and move on. The scary fact is that giving yourself a hard time and getting stressed over it can, in the long term, make you fat. Negative emotions, such as depression, guilt and cynicism, are associated with higher levels of abdominal fat according to a study from Pennsylvania State University. Harbouring negative feelings won’t help you achieve anything, but building and nurturing your selfesteem will.
Feeling guilty or angry with yourself about small things or day-to-day events is one thing, but if your whole life is dominated by negative emotions related to something that has taken place in your life, you may need the help of a counsellor or therapist in addressing these issues. However, remember one thing; whatever you did then, and whatever you do now, you have a responsibility to yourself to do the best you can – with the resources available to you – to boost your self-worth.
ACTION POINT 2: EMBRACE REALITY
WHAT YOU NEED TO DO
This is about doing a reality check to see where you are in your life right now. Perhaps you want to drop a size in two weeks, but since you have a major report to write for work, your tax return to do, and oh – you forgot – the in-laws are coming to stay …. it really isn’t a realistic option. However, dropping a size over the next three months and taking what action you can right NOW, is possible. So assess where you are – is it the right time to go all-out, or is your current lifestyle more conducive to a longer-term approach? Whatever is right for you, you will find the appropriate strategies to help you in section two.
THE LOGIC
One of the most prevalent weight loss blunders that people make is embarking on a weight loss plan when the time simply isn’t right. By doing this, they set themselves up for failure and, as a result of failing, reinforce any deep-seated feelings that they aren’t capable of losing weight. However, this doesn’t mean I’m giving people carte blanche to succumb to a tray of chocolate éclairs because the time isn’t right to lose weight! At difficult times you need to set yourself small, realistic goals that you can achieve in the here and now. The next action point will tell you how.
ACTION POINT 3: OPEN YOUR DIARY
WHAT YOU NEED TO DO
Look at your diary and write down what you can physically do today that will help you to drop that size. Perhaps it is getting that 10-minute walk in before you eat your lunch, or meeting your friend to look around the shops rather than sitting in the coffee shop eating chocolate cakes. Plan a positive action for every day of the week – even if it’s simply doing squats while the kettle boils or drinking a glass of water for each cup of coffee you drink.
THE LOGIC
Opening your diary makes you face your day, helping you to plan ahead and make a written commitment to yourself. It also demonstrates that even though you aren’t on a full-on diet and exercise program, you are still taking positive steps towards improving your health and, ultimately, dropping a size.
ACTION POINT 4: PRESS THE PAUSE BUTTON
WHAT YOU NEED TO DO
When did you last take five minutes just for you and did nothing, absolutely
