why?
The monster replied,
‘I wouldn’t if I was photographed less.’
Kirstie Logan
What instrument does a skeleton play?
A trombone!
Jamie Curry
Where did Frankenstein’s monster go to have his head fitted to his shoulders?
Bolton!
Carl Manley
What do a footballer and a magician have in common?
They both do hat tricks!
Saagar Patel
Have you been to the Himalayas?
Not yeti!
Joe Barthorpe
What do you call a ghost at a football match?
A spooktater!
Sean Hughes
What do you do when you see a skeleton dancing?
Jump out of your skin and join him!
Blair Grimley
What’s the first thing a monster eats after having its tooth out?
The dentist!
Dawn Corney
What did the mummy ghost say to the baby ghost?
Spook when you’re spooken to!
Christian Jones and Emma Brown
What is a monster’s favourite football team?
Slitherpool!
Jessica Spooner
Why are skeletons always so calm?
Because nothing gets under their skin!
Liam Joynt
What do you get if you meet Dracula on the coldest night of the year?
Frostbite!
Lindzy Westmoreland
Why are monsters at home in the jungle?
Because it’s full of creepers!
Daniel Edgerton
A boy was walking down the street when he saw a sea monster standing on the corner looking lost. The boy put a lead on the monster and took him to the police station. ‘You should take him to the museum,’ said the policeman. The next day the policeman saw the boy in the street, again with the sea monster on a lead. ‘I thought I told you to take that monster to the museum,’ said the policeman. ‘I did’ said the boy, ‘and today, I’m taking him to the cinema!’
Gloria Hunniford
SCHOOL
TEACHER: If you had £2 in one jacket pocket and £2 in the other jacket pocket, what would you have?
PUPIL: Someone else’s jacket, Miss!
Bob Holness, Ros Holness & Dougie Parker
A teacher brought her two parrots into class – one red and one green. They both flew out of an open window, and on to the branch of a tree. One of the pupils offered to go and fetch them. He came back with just the red parrot. ‘I left the other one in the tree, Miss,’ he said, ‘because it’s not ripe yet!’
Kieran Johnstone
TEACHER: If you have £6 and your dad gives you another £9, what would you have?
PUPIL: £6, Miss.
TEACHER: You don’t know your arithmetic, boy.
PUPIL: You don’t know my dad, Sir!
Rob Dixon
TEACHER: If you have five chocolate bars and your little brother asks for one, how many will you have left?
PUPIL: Five, of course!
Tanya Read
On a school outing, Alex ran out of money and borrowed £5 from his teacher. On the train back home he wanted a hamburger so he borrowed another £1 from his teacher, promising to give it back the next day. The next day Alex came into school clutching a squid that had a bandage around one of its tentacles. ‘Here’s the sick squid I owe you, Miss!’ he said.
Alice Bradley
TEACHER: Name me two days of the week beginning with T.
PUPIL: Today and tomorrow, Miss!
Jack Maymon
‘I’ve got a cousin with three feet,’ said a boy to his teacher. ‘How odd. How do you know?’ asked the teacher. The boy replied ‘Mum got a letter from her sister this morning, and she said that her eldest son had grown another foot during the last year!’
Tara Haycock
TEACHER: What’s the most important thing to remember in a chemistry lesson?
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