including their wedding photo album and another scrapbook. Hoping to jog her memory, he also brought the novel she’d been reading. When he saw that the mail had been delivered, he took that along, too, bills and all. The latest issue of Detective Inc, had come. She always went for that magazine first because she wanted to keep up to date and be the best assistant possible to Roman.
Enroute to the hospital Cal made another call to his private secretary, Mrs. West. After updating her on Diana’s condition, he informed her that he would be out of the office for several days. If something came up she couldn’t handle, she could reach him on his cellular.
With that taken care of, he pulled into the car park and dashed inside the hospital, praying that Diana had started to remember something else besides the baby. That she remembered him.
His first instinct was to open the door to her room and go in unannounced. But the doctor had cautioned him to treat her like a sister, so he knocked.
“Yes?”
“Diana? It’s Cal. Is it all right if I come in?”
“Give me a minute, please.”
The old Diana wouldn’t have needed a knock. She would never have kept him waiting. His Diana of six hours ago would have welcomed him with open arms, no matter her condition.
His jaw hardened because he realized the miracle he’d been waiting for hadn’t happened yet.
“Of course. Take all the time you need.”
It seemed an eternity before she said, “You can come in now.”
Cal entered her room and closed the door behind him. He felt like an intruder.
Dear God. She was his wife. How was he going to handle being around her and not touching her, holding her?
He still couldn’t fathom that any of this had happened—that she was sitting primly in the hospital bed, the covers up to her chin, looking fragile and so damn nervous of him he felt like someone had just slugged him in the midsection.
“I brought you several changes of clothes and a few things to read.”
Her meek little thank-you sparked another surge of adrenaline. When she didn’t extend her hands, he left the things he’d brought on her bedside table.
Needing to channel his negative energy, he hung up a couple of items in the closet, then put the rest of her clothes away in the drawers.
“How are you feeling now?” he asked, pulling up a chair to the side of her bed.
“I still don’t remember anything, if that’s what you’re asking.” She said this with her head lowered. He had the idea she couldn’t stand to look at him. “I’m sorry if that brings you pain.”
Her blunt speaking took his breath. Diana had always been an honest person, but normally she was more gentle in her approach. The doctor had told him to treat her like a family member, but he’d never had a sister or brother and couldn’t pretend something he didn’t feel. He had a premonition that under these precarious circumstances, finding common ground would prove virtually impossible. There were no guidelines. He would have to feel his way.
“I could lie and say I was only inquiring about the physical pain to the back of your head. The truth is, I’m shattered by what has happened to you, to me. To us. Any way you look at it, this is a hellish situation. If we’re not totally honest with each other, then I don’t see how we’ll be able to work our way out of this nightmare. I realize you’re terrified of me.”
That brought her head up. She stared at him. Again, he could see his presence didn’t register with her except to upset her.
“I am, but not because you’re a terrifying person. I’m sure you’re probably a wonderful person,” she admitted in a quiet voice. “But I don’t know you. I have no feeling for you. That’s what is terrifying.”
Oh, Lord.
“I’m beginning to realize that. Just give me some time to deal with it.”
“Of course.” He heard a troubled sigh escape. “The only thing real to me is the baby. Obviously I didn’t give birth to him.”
He blinked in surprise. “Who told you that?”
“Why would I have to be told something that is vastly apparent? I overheard the doctor say that the baby is only four days old, and I show no signs of ever having been pregnant. Which means we adopted him. Couldn’t I have children, or was it a physical problem on your part?”
Give your wife information on a need-to-know basis.
Unable to remain seated, he got up and wandered over to the window which looked out on the foothills of the city. Was this one of those moments?
“Why aren’t you saying anything? Is it because before the accident, I couldn’t handle the fact that I wasn’t able to conceive, or something like that, and you’re afraid to bring it up to me now?”
Diana, Diana...
“Since I have no idea of how I used to be, it really doesn’t matter, does it?”
It did once, my darling. You wouldn’t even discuss the possibility of adoption.
“I thought you were going to be honest with me.”
“I want to be.” His voice grated.
“So why the hesitation?”
He rubbed the back of his neck before turning from the window to look at her. “Because I don’t want to upset you. What I’m about to tell you could do just that. I would rather have waited for your memory to return, then no explanation would be necessary.”
She laced her hands together nervously. “But we don’t know when that day will come. If ever.”
“Don’t say that!” Her words filled him with fresh anguish.
“I have to. Some people lose their memories and never regain them.”
Dear God. You can remember everything about life except your own life! It doesn’t make any sense.
“Dr. Harkness says your memory will return.” Cal had to believe that or lose his mind.
“Maybe. In the meantime, do you expect me to live in a vacuum?” she blurted. “I’d rather be dead.”
Cal groaned. “Never talk that way again, Diana. Not even in jest.”
“You’re not inside my skin.”
My wife—Where have you gone? I don’t know you like this.
He swallowed hard. “No. I’m not. I couldn’t begin to understand how you feel.”
“Thank you for saying that.” Her voice wobbled.
He wanted to wrap her in his arms and will her memory back, but he couldn’t do anything. Not one damn thing. He’d never felt so helpless in his life.
