of a poor man who was minding his own business and going about his shopping. I enjoyed the idea that no one could see me and wasn’t bothered at all about upsetting people. It was very out of character and when I woke up I wondered why. Had it been real and why had I acted that way? It was dark outside but in my lucid state it had seemed light as before. Had I skipped through a different time zone or was it just a strange and very real dream? Another memory found me flying over rolling hills and when, several years later, I went for a ride in a helicopter it felt strangely familiar as if I had done it before, which of course I had!
Most of my ‘trips’ were in and around my house. I read several books which explained in more detail how to have experiences in these astral planes and heavenly realms. It all sounded rather unbelievable and I have to admit, without my own experiences I’m not sure I would have believed any of the accounts that people had written about what happened to them! You just get to the point where you go, ‘What? No way!’ How could this be real? I never had one of these heavenly type experiences spontaneously, although I found myself in a space of ‘love’ one day. It was totally unexpected.
John and I were having many problems in our personal relationship. We had reached an all-time low, and we had a massive row one night. I grabbed my car keys and walked out of the door with no firm idea where I was going or what I was doing. I sat in the car for a few minutes trying to decide. I wasn’t really leaving home, but I needed some space. I drove to the other end of the village where my parents lived and thankfully they didn’t ask too many questions. I asked if I could stay the night and Mum made up the spare bed. I had a drink and went right to bed as there was nothing I wanted to say. Mum just whispered that everything would be fine, but I wasn’t so sure.
I got into bed and switched off the light. I mulled over what we’d been rowing about and it wasn’t even anything important. The whole thing had got out of hand but I wondered if we had reached the end of the line? We never seemed to talk in a normal way and like many parents of young children we didn’t go out together as a couple, hardly ate together and just went about our daily routine. Was I still in love? I thought about it for a second and realized that I was. Why was I here? This wasn’t where I belonged, it was just normal stress which many people with young children go through.
I imagined God standing before me and I asked him a question. Am I supposed to be with him? What shall I do? I handed over my problem to him completely. ‘I don’t know what to do, so you decide,’ I murmured into the darkness. ‘I leave it totally to you to handle.’
I loved my husband very much so I decided to send him some love from my heart over to our house using my mind. I just beamed it over although I had no clear idea of what or why I was doing this. Then my children’s faces seemed to appear in front of me so I sent them love too. I had so much love in my life but had forgotten. I thought of my parents and sent them some love and then my sisters and my nieces and nephews. Next my in-laws, and then I tried to remember every friend I’d ever had. Each moment the circle around me grew and grew as I added other family on this side and the next. I imagined love surrounding everyone I knew. I could feel a powerful force growing within me. Love was pouring out of my body in all directions…I was creating the situation for another paranormal experience but had no idea.
Did I love my neighbours? I guess I did, and my whole village and the country and everyone in the country. This image became more and more real as the vision stretched to the whole world and beyond. I visualized love reaching out to everyone. Every moment I felt myself become lighter and lighter and in no time at all I had floated out of my body. I’d done it again but this time it happened on its own.
I became aware of being both in the room and floating in some random space in the universe – or out of it? I wasn’t sure. I was surrounded by the most powerful force of love that I had ever felt in my whole life. I was love, I was bliss and I gave in to this love that surrounded me. A strong light surrounded me and the light was also love – the source of the love. I was being held in the arms of our creator and I wanted to stay here forever.
How do you describe something which is impossible to describe? How can I explain what happened to me in any way that will help you to understand what I experienced that night? I had reached out to God and God had reached back to me. I wanted to stay in the place where he was, to be with him and only him. If I were reading this I would be sure that the author was having a strange dream, or had totally lost it but I honestly hadn’t. I had opened up some creative force within me and this force had a power of its own.
Would my children miss me if I didn’t come back? I knew they would be fine. Would my husband care if I wasn’t here? I knew that life would go on if I didn’t exist but that by my not being here and living out my life, many things would change. I had never considered suicide, but being in this place of love felt better than being in my body, which ached with confusion. God had found me and lifted me into his arms and I wanted to stay with him.
I lay in these loving arms of God for the longest time and then I could hear my mother’s voice calling me in the distance somewhere.
‘Jacky, do you want a cup of tea?’ I could hear her calling me in the darkness and I wanted it to stop. If she wakes up my body then I will just drop back into it again like before. ‘No, no go away.’ I thought, ‘I don’t want to ever leave this safe place of love.’
I opened my eyes and the room was in darkness. Slowly I sat up in bed and swung my feet over the side and then walked over to the door. ‘Yes Mum?’ The whole house was in darkness and Mum and Dad were both asleep. The voice of my mother calling me back had only been in my mind…and just part of the experience. Mum had no awareness of what had happened, at least not in any conscious way. Yet later, as before, I discovered other people around the world who had shared similar experiences with me. Other people had felt these loving arms – I was not alone.
The next morning I went home and the girls had both gone to school. They probably didn’t know that I had even spent the night away from home. I showered and drove into town, mulling over the most amazing experience that I’d had in my whole life and at the same time, talking to this presence inside of me.
‘If you want me to stay and work out my marriage then I need a big sign,’ I said.
As I drove over the railway bridge on the way into town I saw my sign. A twenty-foot billboard with nineteen-foot letters was right in front of me, and spelt out the word ‘YES’. The advert had been placed there by a car credit company but I had my answer, literally, ‘as large as life’.
We struggled on for many years. The biggest difficulty now was that John did not share my spiritual and psychic interests. He would say, ‘You’re not doing that psychic stuff again are you?’ And who could blame him? He must have felt that I was losing my mind, but I was unable to stop the exploration of my inner mind. There was more to life than this and I was determined to find out what it was all about.
We made another trip to my sister-in-law’s house in Cardiff and this time it was to celebrate the New Year. I felt tired for much of the time and made my excuses to go to bed during the day. I slept for ages and then decided to try some more meditation techniques. Sitting on the edge of the bed, my mind drifted off to nowhere in particular and then suddenly I began to see a series of images float past my mind like a slide show. Each image came in from the right before floating off to the left. I’ve heard many clairvoyants say that images came to them in that way and now it was happening to me. Had I opened up the part of the brain which is able to do this?
I had no idea what these images were but it was like looking at a row of Christmas cards. One of the images was a Christmas wreath handing on a red door. I remembered seeing one on a door just like it earlier on in the day. I became aware of someone calling me and it brought my attention back into the room. I was being called down for tea and realized that I had been upstairs for hours on my own. Apparently,
