away when they called…at least, a long way away in my spiritual body.
Later in the week I had my first past life memory. My sister-in-law always gave up her bed for us when we stayed over, and she slept in the spare room. It was a big comfortable bed and I had no problem getting off to sleep. I remember dreaming a very boring dream and the colours were dull and uninteresting. Then without warning it changed. Cutting across the dream came a full-colour ‘film’ with me both as the ‘star’ of the show and watching from above. I was watching what appeared to be ‘me’ in a past life, although I certainly didn’t look as I do now. I was in the past life and watching it, both at the same time.
My ‘dream’ had changed into something I had never experienced before. One minute I was having a normal dream and the next I was looking at a brightly-lit stage show. The UK has very dull light compared to the light you see in other parts of Europe and this stark contrast was here in the dream. Below me was a scene of a palace. I was aware of a woman dressed in silks and fine jewellery. This woman was someone I could place in my current life: a family friend whom we always called ‘aunt’. Yet visually there was no comparison. The woman in front of me looked nothing like the person I knew today but still I knew it was her.
Kneeing down in front of this woman was a pair of servants – both eunuchs and, rather shockingly, I was one of these. In this past life I was a man, I’d had my male sexual organs removed as part of some secret ritual. I have no idea if this was ever done in real life but in my ‘vision’, this had been done to me. The person kneeling next to me was almost identical in height and build and a similar appearance but I did not recognize this person from my current life. I was a servant and without my sexual ‘equipment’ I guess I was safe to look after this grand lady!
As the scene expanded I could see a tall male servant behind my wealthy owner. He had stolen something and I knew that I had taken the blame. I was to be put to death. I had no emotion over the scene, and I just accepted it as it was. I knew immediately that I was being shown a past life of some sort and was both down below, kneeling, and up above watching the scene. I could feel the experience of both watching and experiencing it live at the same time.
As soon as I accepted what I was shown I woke up. The house was in total darkness and silence. I looked at the clock. It was 2 in the morning and I sat up and mulled over what had just happened. ‘That was real…’ I whispered into the darkness, and I felt as if it was. I had to write it down, so I made my way to the end of the bed to see if I could find a pen in my bag, but I couldn’t even find my bag. I had probably left it downstairs, I figured. I grabbed my dressing gown so that I could go and search for it or at least find a pen. I assumed there would probably be a pen in the kitchen. I had to remember this bizarre vision!
In the morning the ‘dream’ image of the night before was still clear in my mind. Dreams often fade upon awakening but this just got clearer. As the day went on I remembered more and more of what had happened in this past life. The male servant was also known to me in this life and was another close family friend. He had always cared for me deeply. Had part of his inner being remembered what he had done to me? Had he remembered that he’d had me put to death in a previous life?
This couldn’t have been just a dream. For a start, I was already having a normal dream when this vision came into view – it cleared to one side to make room for the past life review. I just knew what I was being shown and it was one more piece of the jigsaw puzzle of my confused life.
This time I felt more comfortable and discussed it with John. To my surprise he didn’t doubt what I was saying and just accepted it. We were making progress! I was buzzing all day about what I had seen. This was one of the most exciting things so far. Of course I then began researching past lives and looking at ways in which people had brought past life memories into their current life and why. It was another journey.
Would anyone believe me? Again, as before with my investigations, I found thousands of people around the world who had had experienced similar phenomena, and the larger percentage of the world actually believes in reincarnation already. I didn’t try and convince anyone of what had happened to me because strangely it didn’t matter what anyone else thought. This was my experience and part of my reality. It was personal to me and that was all that mattered.
If you go looking for psychic experiences, they just seem to happen! Welcome to my world.
We cannot pass our guardian angel’s bounds, resigned or sullen, he will hear our sighs.
Saint Augustine
The previous chapter was a journey through into my spiritual and psychic adventures. I feel that it was necessary in order for me to appreciate and validate the experiences of others. To assist others with their own angel and paranormal adventures I needed to have visited these inner realms myself. To understand my journey was another thing altogether.
The full-time angel investigation was beginning. Are angels a spark of the great divine energy we call ‘God’? I wanted to know everything. Quantum physics teaches us that there is no separation between an object and the person that observes it. We and our own consciousness totally affect that which we observe, and I totally wanted to affect my own observations.
I began spending even more time on the internet. It was the fount of all knowledge as far as I could see, and I realized it was time to create my own website. I wanted to encourage people to write to me about their own angel experiences so I had to try and get my non-technical mind around how to build a website.
John was by now taking a mild interest and supplied all of the technical knowledge except the creative part, which was up to me. I built my first ever website and I was very proud of it. It was cringingly embarrassing and rubbish but I didn’t realize how bad it was at the time…it didn’t matter. I started inviting people with angel websites of their own to visit mine and before long, I was getting hundreds of e-mails every month.
To start with, people were sharing mainly their own angel stories – we were all looking for some reassurance. Then later, when people started to ask me questions about their own angel experiences, I was able to help. I’d read so many books by this time and of course I’d had so many paranormal experiences.
‘This is the first time I have told anyone about my angel experience,’ they would say, or ‘I told someone about my experience once and they didn’t believe me.’ I believed them. I’d been there and done that. I was the ‘queen of weird’ myself.
There had to be a book out there which explained things in a down-to-earth way. I couldn’t find what I was looking for. I decided to write my own book about angels and I honestly thought that it would be that easy. Everyone gave me permission to share their stories and was happy to talk about how they now worked with their own angels. I wanted to put real people’s stories into a book. Some people had been through amazing things and other people’s stories, although more subtle, were still fascinating.
We were ready to move house. We decided to downsize and sell off many of the inherited furniture we had around us. It was time to clear our clutter and our relationship. Throwing away hundreds of magazines, wardrobes full of old clothes and duplicates of every single kitchen tool was a very therapeutic thing to do.
We filled up one of our downstairs rooms with everything which was too good to throw away. This room had previously been my meditating room and it was now so full you couldn’t move in there. A local women’s refuge group came with a massive van and took the haul away, including a three-piece suite, armchairs, tables,
