from the cash desk of my Strongpoint? I picked a little here on fines from collective farmers.
– And more?
– Yes, that’s enough for the first time.
– Okay. Take it from the account. If you solve the problem, I will repay the costs of sales receipts, but no?! It’s not for me to decide, because the money is public.
– Good, Eximendius Janis oglu Snegiryov. Of course, I have little time, but I will come up with something. – Ottila put down the phone and lay contented on the table, arms extended.
– Here it is, a new business! Now they will find out about me at Petrovka 38.
The door creaked, and the immense dimensions of Isolde Fifovna, his main half, appeared.
– Will you eat? – she asked meekly, – and don’t wallow on the table, I also wiped it.
– I will have breakfast here!
– What does it mean HERE? Am I like a waitress or something? Go to the kitchen and eat like everyone else. I will not carry.
– I would love to, but Marshall should call me.
– Marshal? I would say so. So, wait. The son will bring now what is left. And get off the table, Sherlock Holmes… Hahaha … – she laughed and went into the second half of the hut.
The front street door creaked, and Corporal Incephalopath appeared in the doorway.
– Can I have a cartridge?
– Come in and sit down… We have a business… Tomorrow we are going to St. Petersburg. – Ottila got up, turned and sat in a chair.
– What for?
– The stolen monument to the nose of Gogol seek.
– Aaaaa … – The encephalopath entered and sat down in a chair for subordinates and visitors, having thrown a foot on a foot. – I keep in mind, Bos…
Apulase SECOND
Harutun Karapetovich looked thin and long. The face was a typical Caucasian. The hair is gray, long to the shoulders, even as straw. On Tiechka there was a solid baldness earned from previous work as a janitor to guest workers. Previously, he worked as a cattleman, after ten years in prison, as a political prisoner. The anecdote told about Lenin, the leader of the proletariat, and even the swine, to the auditor in the village council, and it thundered. Lenin would have reacted easier, just laughed, but the local authorities there – no. But it was in the post Soviet era. And therefore, with the disappearance of the Soviet system, the criminal record also disappeared. He was rehabilitated and given gas benefits. But with his retirement, he wanted to be useful for society, and then the wife of the new district policeman lured with his blue eyes and… the rest is HACK… So, I think, not swearing… So he went to the corporal to to the district police officer, and the rank remained from the army service.
He liked the English detective Poirot and therefore he smoked a pipe like Holmes, he just confused them. He wore a hat and mustache, like Elkyl’s, only Georgian. Even a cane bought a similar one and a tailcoat from workers at the Mariinsky Opera and Ballet Theater for a box of moonshine. The shoes were made to order by a neighbor who was serving as a shoemaker in the zone. He even knocked them out with pins and when he walked, especially on asphalt, he clicked like a horse or a girl from Broadway. His nose was like that of an eagle, and his big eyes were like that of a lemur.
“So,” said Ottila, and sat down on a special chair. Izya slammed the door and entered the office. On a tray he carried fried scrambled eggs with fish and his favorite freshly squeezed garlic juice. – come on faster, otherwise the python is already rumbling.
– Fuuuu! – grimaced Incephalopath, – how do you drink it? You can relax…
– What would you understand in exquisite gourmet? Do not drink. I personally like it. – ulk.. – took a sip of Ottila and.., – Uhhh, – burped it to the side. He jumped up and ran into the far corner of the office. A gulp of foggy-shaped tubers left the precinct’s throat and instantly, like tear gas, flooded the entire room. Arutuna was seized with an asthmatic spasm and when he coughed, he was not up to skill.
– Would be ashamed or something?! I’m suitable for your fathers.
– Or maybe a mother? – Ottila was experiencing scrambled eggs and, with a mouthful, spitting out crumbs, strictly barked: – everyone has their own taste, said the Hindu, getting down from the monkey and wiping his cock with a banana leaf. Do you want an eye?
– Oh! Sorry, patron, I forgot something … – Arutun Karapetovich was embarrassed and sat down in a chair.
Suddenly a street entrance door creaked and an old woman of about a hundred years old entered the office.
– Who did not close the door??? I’m busy, grandma!!! – Bug Klop and choked…
The wife heard the cough and ran to him with a sheet and a pen, so that he would write a will. But seeing his uselessness, swung and slapped her husband on bony shoulder blades. Ottila harked and spat out the yolk.
– Uh, Harutun, an old cartilage, why didn’t you lock the door behind you when you came? And you, granny, come out, we have a meeting.
– As? asked the deaf grandmother.
– Grunt! come over after dinner!! – said Klop loudly.
– Eat, eat, sweetheart with a marigold… I’ll wait. – the grandmother smiled and squatted down, as there were no more chairs, and it was not customary to give up space here, and no one from the audience came to mind.
– What kind of lunch? BUT? I’m having breakfast… And then on the agenda: work with subordinates. – Ottila waved his hand and, holding a spoon with a piece of egg, pulled the bruise directly into Harutun’s eye, – and you? – jumped into a chair, – not grateful mediocrity, – then jumped onto the table, – you can only eat moonshine, and beat faces to each other. I’m not going to walk like a coyote.. – and like an acrobat, using a somersault, I jumped from the table to the floor, – and put up with you.. Write a statement and that’s it!
– What statement? What are you yelling? “Isolde Fifovna interrupted him with a cry of King Kong.”
– BUT? – the dwarf began with a start.
– What are you yelling? – she asked more calmly and quietly, – don’t you see, she has been sleeping for a long time.
– So, here, now, an overnight stay? Incifalatus, take this pensioner out. – Ottila recovered into a bag and climbed onto a chair to have dinner further.
– I am an Incephalopath, a patron, not Incifalate. – corrected the Corporal and went to the sleeping old woman. Lightly poked her with a cane, like Poirot or Watson. – Dear, alle?! – turned to the Boss, who was already seated at the table and at a champ.
– Boss, she, in my opinion, grunted.
