in favor of a private ceremony in Vegas.
Before this morning, they had not talked about marriage. They had not fantasized about what it would like to achieve that level of trust and commitment. They were doing what made them happy. And at that moment they wanted their relationship to become a marriage. They wanted a lifetime together, not a single day.
Dressed and ready, they made their way through the hotel casino to the outdoors. It was a scorching hot day, but the Las Vegas heat did not burn them nearly as the fires burning in their hearts.
A cab waiting was a welcomed sight, saving time and energy.
The Clark County Courthouse issued marriage licenses anytime of the day or night except for three short scattered breaks.
After a short wait, the clerk was ready. Mary swore that she was eighteen or over. Adam swore that he was at least twenty-one. Adam put up five dollars for the license. There was nothing else required.
The Little White Chapel was a block and a half up the street. With no reservations they placed them on a waiting list with an expected wait time of one hour. To pass the time they nestled in a booth at a nearby coffee shop for coffees and the sharing of a cinnamon scone.
“This reminds me of that first day we talked just the two of us,” Adam reminiscing.
“Me too, I recall the conversation, the feeling you gave. You didn’t know it, but that day you saved me.” Mary confessed.
“What I know is we became inseparable and though not married yet, we were one from that day on.” Adam holding Mary’s hand; her eyes sparkled.
Mary remembering her childhood, the family, and the rose garden, “Adam, marriage is something beautiful. It’s like an opening rose, always with radiant petals left to unfurl to a warm sun.”
“I think of it as a blessing to give to one another.” Adam paused then with astonishment stated, “Mary, we have no wedding rings.”
“That’s okay.” Staring at the floral shop next door with buckets of roses sitting out front, “What we need are two roses, a rosebud for your boutonniere and a long stem rose for my bridal bouquet.” They settled it: two roses.
Back at the chapel, the primary purpose of the wedding was to unite these two people that wanted to spend the rest of their lives together. It was not a promise to love one another until ‘death do them part.’
The hour arrived. With no mother present, no family in attendance, the chapel provided a witness. Adam in his impeccable business suit with a red rosebud boutonniere and Mary wearing one of her silk creations holding a long stem red rose, symbolizing romantic love, married.
At this moment Mary thought I wanted and needed a change; she turned to face Adam, the only man she felt ever loved her as tears flooded her eyes. She looked at him and smiled. He placed his arm around her waist and pulled her in.
Sweet, caring people created a beautiful memory for Adam and Mary. Wedding music played throughout the civil ceremony. A photographer captured the entire event.
At the close, they toasted with stems of pink champagne. Mary began to cry, “it was so nice,’ she sobbed, ‘as I hoped and dreamed it would be.”
Mary thought I realize that sometimes you must do the “selfish” thing because, for the moments that count, it is worth it to put yourself first. I always get what I want.
As they left the chapel, Adam stopped at an Italian wine and cheese shop, perused the wine selections, and made his choice of wine, breads, crackers, cheeses, and meats with garnishes of olives, tomatoes, and peppers.
Relaxing together in the comfort of their Luxor hotel room, Adam and Mary sipped wine, fed each other the antipasto goodies, and listened to music.
Picking up the photo album, she took a long look and then a few deep breaths. Silently, she gave words of thanks. All was well. She was ready to take a rest for the night, preparing herself for all the challenges of tomorrow. Their first night as a married couple came and went.
When Adam awakened the morning after, he had a unique feeling and thought about the path that lies ahead.
Then Mary piped up with, “Adam, this is the real deal. Our life together has begun and there’s no turning back now.”
“Moving in together makes me happy but I also find it frightening.” Adam revealed his honest feeling. Mary giggled and gave him a good morning kiss.
Adam shared, “It’s time we shift our focus from our wedding to the fast approaching moving in together. We must take a complete inventory of our joint possessions. I suggest each of us make a list of our household items, we’ll compare the two lists and get rid of all duplicate items.”
“That’s easy; I have only my clothes, a sewing machine, a bicycle and a piece of art.” Mary declared.
“That simplifies things so, we move you into my place.” Adam and Mary packed for their trip home.
From their fifteenth-floor hotel room, they stood, arms hugging, to take one last look at the most distinctive architectural designs, magnificent buildings, and countless dazzling skyscrapers, astonishingly tall and eye-catching. As they stared speechless, Adam whispered, “It would be easy to feel overwhelmed by people walking and talking in scores of different languages. We were not. This is the place where we tied the knot with no hiccups.”
As Mary snuggled closer, “I will remember it as my happy place.”
They left Vegas for home and the move.
The days and weeks came and went. It was a busy time in the lives of Adam and Mary, caring for their individual responsibilities. Since Adam traveled, he appointed Mary as financial manager of their shared budget.
Over time, they realized their wedding was a breeze, the moving in together was easy but there were big commitments. They never considered that one of their greatest difficulties would be each other.
Learning to live well with each other was challenging. Neither one had a toolbox with all the tools needed for success, nor did they have a guidebook or a roadmap to make their journey easier. They hit the ground running, and despite their good intentions and optimism, like most of us, they were flat-out unprepared.
Now they were sharing the living space. After traveling all week, Adam had moments where he felt suffocated. Mary had sewing projects spread around that were annoying, so he gave an exasperated sigh. Seeing the exasperated sigh, Mary rolled her eyes and stared into space.
Why did these behaviors make them see red? Did Adam think Mary taking up much of the space meant she did not care, was inconsiderate, or untidy? Did his sigh or her eye-roll leave her/him wondering whether she/he was worthy of her/his love? When distracted, do you assume that the other is tuning you out?
It was easy for Adam to be open and honest about how he felt. Mary felt he was blunt and uncaring. His bluntness gave her feelings of rejection like: Is he mad? Is he tired of me? Does he not love me anymore?
Adam and Mary needed someone to tell them, “Not everything your partner does is about you even though it may seem that way. Also, one’s emotional reaction is about your stuff from the past. The stuff you carried with you from childhood, the stuff that only you can resolve.”
Mary
