into a strong, flexible, or more slowly moving pretzel in order to reduce stress.
The word yoga also comes from Sanskrit, and it actually means “to yoke together.” In yoga, we’re in a state of complete connectedness with an object of focus, without distraction. In all other states that aren’t yoga, distraction exists, as witnessed in the chattering of the mind that is present. In order for us to truly connect with anything, the noise must be silenced. We must achieve presence.
This search for soul is part of the yoga journey, whatever your version of yoga is. For example, right now, you are doing the yoga of book reading.
Cultivating Your Psychospiritual State
How many times have you heard of a woman who tried to get pregnant for a long time undergoing all sorts of invasive medical procedures for years; possibly beginning to search for alternative ways of baby making, such as surrogacy or egg donation; starting to look into adoption; or relinquishing the idea altogether — and then someday, when she’s given up completely, she magically conceives a child? What a ride. When I see this, it always makes me wonder: Was all this necessary? If she had done things differently, could she have still gotten to the same place?
Your state of mind is important for this journey, as is your sense of connectedness with spirit. Remember, getting too narrowly focused on the goal of having a baby will not help you, because you will lose sight of what it takes to make a baby. If you are already stuck obsessing about this goal, it’s time to explore the deep places inside you and ask bigger questions about the nature of life and the universe — so that you actually become open to new possibilities. Everything exists as possibility before it becomes reality.
Presence is also important for this journey. That means not being stuck in the past or thinking about the future. You might be lucky and unexpectedly get pregnant after a night of wining and dining on a hot date with the one you love. I say this is lucky, because the moment your mind becomes engaged in thinking about pregnancy, it can actually end up getting in the way, because it distracts from presence. Once you start planning, analyzing, scenario building, or scheming, this is often where the process becomes stressful and you have probably gotten off track from the cosmic, creative magic of it.
Natural pregnancy occurs in a way that is part predictable and part mysterious. When you are in a place where things seem a bit like they don’t make sense, you are probably on the right track. Having a sense of wonder is important. However, if you start trying to make everything happen the way you want it to, you may become frustrated. This would be a fruitless effort if you’ve never been pregnant before, because you really have no clue how it will happen, even if you are a healthcare practitioner or biomedical scientist and have lots of intellectual knowledge of biological reproduction.
Conception involves two people and the universe, and all three have to be on board for it to occur. Women have shared countless stories with me of undergoing painful medical procedures to become pregnant, and some without any luck for years. Imagine: chasing pregnancy as a goal, and it doesn’t happen when you want it to — for years? The women I’ve worked with in this situation are angry, frustrated, and devastated. Not getting what you want can be so soul crushing that some women begin to question everything.
I myself had to drop to my knees and weep a few times in my journey. However, it was in these painful moments, too, that I discovered a type of magic. I’m telling you — this journey may look messy and frustrating at times, but it will also bring some unexpected gifts.
The Primal vs. Intellectual Self
The modern woman has two minds. If these two minds are not on the same page, then they can wreak havoc on her life, but when they are in harmony, they can create magic, poetry, and little people. The two minds are the intellectual and the primal. You could call them the conscious and the subconscious. One of the dimensions is conscious mental activity, intellect, and thought. This mind likes ideas, stories, and information. The other is subconscious, in charge of about 95 percent of the body’s operations, with all its sensations, emotions, drives, and urges. These two minds coexist, but sometimes it feels like they are not in accord. Moreover, the dimension that you have less awareness of is the one running most of the show. Take a guess about which one you think will win if there is a conflict between the two.
You are both an intellectual and animal creature. Your intellect has the ability to understand what is good and bad, make decisions, strategize, and so forth. You can learn quickly in school, get the gold star for your homework, and later get that great internship or job. You can also make the decision to work late and overachieve, go to the gym, go home and cook dinner, or go on a date. All this is the job of your intellect.
Your primal self is ancient. It was passed down to you from generations long ago, and then it’s been iterated based on your life experiences and choices. It’s been influenced by your intellectual self. The primal wants to synchronize with the primordial rhythm of nature, and it does so whenever your choices and actions within an environment allow it to. However, the primal is also the space where emotions are felt, and if you are not used to listening to your emotions and letting them inform your decisions, then you will become misaligned and be unable to connect with the rhythm of nature.
You are smart but not perfect. You get hurt, and sometimes you even make mistakes. And you have blind spots. You are an emotional being — not a computer. This is what makes you human.
Women today need a pathway to explore their inner animals because our day-to-day lives are now spent in structures and systems that were originally designed by men, for men. And the wellness practices and teachings that many of us use to undo the effects of being caught up in this man’s world — modern yoga practices, for instance, or mindfulness — remain mostly focused on the mind, muscles, and bones, which are the areas of thoughts, will, and structure. Women today need practices and teachings that bring them into the more rooted realm of the emotions and urges.
The word buddha means one who has achieved enlightenment, but a female buddha will figure out how to simultaneously listen to the deep and ancient, unconscious spaces in her body, learning how to read the psychophysical experiences of her emotions, and translate these into wise actions. Since the primal animal is such a huge part of a woman, the mindful woman gets to know it more closely — especially when she’s contemplating having a baby. Getting pregnant, being pregnant, giving birth, and raising a child can be the most embodied experiences a female buddha can have in this modern life.
A woman who places too much value on her thoughts, ideas, will, and structure and does not balance that out with the exploration of her inner animal — her emotions, gut, heart, and reproductive functioning, including the 95 percent of her programming that isn’t conscious — will experience mental stress and bodily imbalance. A stressed-out woman can spend years and years reprogramming her mind via all sorts of training or therapies, but if she does not get into the experience of her body, and the emotions experienced inside, then she cannot make the changes necessary to realign her life back with nature, and she will get caught in a never-ending battle between the two selves. If she doesn’t learn to talk with her body, then that body will always seem to fail her.
So here’s the question: Can you let go of what you know to be your mind, the intellectual part, and tap into your primal dimension?
I’m not insinuating that the mind is not important. It is just as important as the animal self. A state of health comes from making good decisions, and most of the maladies we face in life are the result of the intellect being misused somewhere along the way. For the modern woman, one of the greatest misuses is not getting to know her animal self better, and instead aligning with meaningless pursuits until she wakes up. If she gets to know the animal self deeply, then her intellect can actually arrive at better-informed decisions, which will make her life more efficient, her body healthier, and her spirit more alive.
