into my future. Then, the universe started conspiring to make me a mother.
Your Fertility Journey
I’ve often wondered what determines whether a woman will become a mother. Obviously there are physical factors — like the condition of the body due to circumstances of birth, behavior, and environment — and there are mental factors having to do with confidence, vulnerability, and sexual and emotional intimacy. We might also suspect there is a third dimension completely outside of our control, the spiritual element. Is it simply written in the stars when we are born, or do we have any control over it whatsoever? Must we become obsessed to make it happen? Likely, the truth is somewhere in the middle of all this.
I’ve worked with women who wanted kids and didn’t have them, and I’ve worked with those who didn’t want them but had them anyway. It turns out that what we want isn’t nearly as important as what happens. That is a difficult pill for a woman with a biological clock to swallow. However, it’s not as if you should just say it’s all out of your control. So much is within your power. This is the inspiration for this book: focus on what you can control, and leave the rest up to nature.
If you’ve picked up this book because you are considering becoming a mother, then welcome to the most insane ride of your life. Thankfully, there are billions of women who have been in your shoes before. Someone, somewhere, will understand your story.
If there are fears, blockages, or conflicts holding you back from having a child — well, it’s time to face them. Not having children will not make these things go away. If you do not face them, they will remain and simply take on a new guise, in the form of wondering if you made the right decision once you hit perimenopause, and they will likely show up in other areas of your life, too. It’s good to get your feelings about motherhood sorted out as early as possible, preferably while you are young, because the longer you wait, the more difficult the journey can become. Whatever you feel about motherhood now, it has nothing to do with how you will actually be as a mother. It has to do with your past. You really have no clue how you will be as a mother if you’ve never had a child.
Maybe you have already decided you want a child. This is wonderful, because now you can get started on your work. You are here to activate a channel that has been dormant or blocked for a long time. In doing this work, you will influence the course of your reproductive health, how you experience the world around you, and your overall life. The outcome is not clear, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t start the journey. At a minimum, you will learn far more about yourself than you’ve ever imagined.
How to Get the Most Out of the Book
In writing this book, I intend not so much to tell you how to become pregnant but rather to help you be your healthiest self on both an emotional and physical level before you become pregnant. I share tools and methods for you to achieve your best reproductive health through your day-to-day and seasonal practices — diet, lifestyle, sleep habits, work, and exercise routines, as well as yoga. By the end of this book, I want you to understand how you can best take care of yourself, and I hope that what you learn also helps you become a better mother, whatever you end up mothering in your life — whether it’s a child, a furry little pet, or a passion project.
This book is here to inspire you and teach you about yourself and how your body works. We are going to cover some topics that are a little esoteric and spiritual and others that are very tangible and physical, like period blood and the excretions of your body. You are going to feel different dimensions of your being. We are also going to evaluate how you’ve been living your life. In some cases, you may feel a little confused from reading this book. That is a good sign.
You must prepare to ditch that which you are comfortable with. I want to show you how you’ve been limiting yourself. I want to show you how other people have been limiting you, too. I want to tell you that the grass is greener on the other side, but that the other side actually resides within you, not in another country, not with some other guy, not with some other job or that promotion, not with some medical test, and not even with the baby. The solution is right inside that sexy meat suit called you. Right now.
I haven’t told you what I think is the worst part about this book: it offers no guarantee that you can have children even if you want them. It might not be in the cards for you. Just because you are reading this book doesn’t mean you will definitely be able to have kids. It doesn’t happen for everyone. The prize you are seeking isn’t always the one you get at the end of your journey. However, there is always a prize, and in time only you will find out what that is. You simply have to keep putting one foot in front of the other.
If you are longing for a guarantee of what will happen at the end of this journey or for a shiny little pill you can take and magically have everything you want, then you will need to sit with that discomfort. I’ve been there myself, and I can tell you that some discomfort is always a part of a true spiritual journey.
And now, we take the next step.
Do not kill the instinct of the body for the glory of the pose.
— VANDA SCARAVELLI, Awakening the Spine
Becoming a mother is the ultimate yoga practice. My sisters, we are the torchbearers of one of the freakiest and most wonderful experiences a human can have — opening up and sharing the inside space of our bodies with another person and directly sharing a bloodstream, cells, energy, and nourishment. The problem is: we’ve gotten so good at not getting pregnant for most of our lives that we have all sorts of issues when we actually want to get pregnant!
When a woman wants to have a child — whether it’s now or in the future — oftentimes a little thought crosses her mind: When is the right time for me to get pregnant? And if a woman has actually tried to get pregnant and is having difficulty, this thought shifts to: Why can’t I get pregnant? How can I get pregnant? Women these days seem to have a lot of fear and insecurity around conception, as evidenced by the increase in measures taken by women today to try to control the outcome. Women are confused about what is best for their fertility and are grasping for help.
Even big corporate employers these days have picked up on this collective fertility insecurity. Many of the most competitive companies are now offering egg-freezing benefits to women in the workplace — women who dedicate their time, energy, love, and attention during the most fertile years of their lives to their jobs, rather than to starting a family.
But, over history, many women have had children and never planned it. They never thought much about how it would interfere with their lives, how they would continue building their careers or maintain a deep connection with their partners. They just had sex and rolled the dice. However, women today don’t do anything by rolling the dice. Do we?
Modern women want to make sure everything is right when we do it. We love to strive. We love to make progress. We get a good degree, a good job, and a good performance review at work. When it comes to preparing for conception, we make no exception. We want to know if we’re fertile ahead of time. We go get our Pap smears, pee on ovulation strips, check our hormones, do yoga, undergo acupuncture treatments, and expect conception to happen immediately because we’re doing everything the way we were told to do it.
At the same time, as I mentioned, now women
