The Business of Busy •
Time is like a Ponzi scheme; most of us feel we never get a good return on the investments we’ve made. Technology has had a profound impact on the illusion of time. Most of us habitually use loads of gadgets, thinking they aid us in freeing up time and space but in reality, they provide a steady stream of distractions. We can Facebook all our “friends” with a few strokes of the keyboard; we can text a conversation and avoid the time-absorbing niceties that are expected in a phone call. We Instagram our daily moments as if we’re in a professional photo shoot, with age-enhancing filters and hashtags galore to let the world know that we’re important and that we’re busy!
Many of us who once considered the implications of our biological clocks are now surrounded by the constant reminders of the clocks on our laptops, tablets, smartphones, and automobiles. The reminders of time are constant and everywhere. Technology and its tantalizing time-saving gadgets have turned us into time wizards, like Willy Wonka conveyor belts, pumping out numerous tasks, appointments, errands, meetings, and chores. And thanks to these techy innovations, we can order food any time of the day and have it dashed to our doors; we can date, via the internet, while eating a bowl of ice cream in our PJs at 2:00 PM on a Sunday; heck, we can even file for divorce, pay taxes, and find a relative living in a cave somewhere in South America without ever leaving our backyard chaise lounge. We can have almost anything we want whenever we want it — and therein lies the problem. Busyness has no boundaries, with its unlimited self-imposed demands steeped in a myriad of expectations.
Busy goes far beyond the use of technology and our addictive draw to it. The feeling of being rushed and out of time has become embedded in our get-it-done culture. As economies grow and incomes rise, we have attached a financial value on time — it’s worth more. We negotiate with ourselves over the use of our time, as though we have to ask permission to spend time the way we want. The less time we have, the more we want, and so go the hands around the clock — ticktock, ticktock, until we can’t keep up with our own pace.
We forge ahead at breakneck speed, fueled by the perception that we are running out of time. That perception, along with the cultural acceptance that busyness implies importance and value, drives us to exceed any reasonable list of daily to-dos. We can’t remember what we’re supposed to be doing, or what we’ve already done, without a download or an update because we’re so distracted when we’re doing-what-we’re-doing. Our preoccupied mind-set lets busyness settle into our lives like an overbearing backseat driver; it’s always a little bit out of view, but you know it’s there because it never stops directing what you do, even though you’re (in theory, anyway) in the driver’s seat.
Slowing your pace can unclutter your thinking, boost your energy, revive your spirit, and awaken your passions.
• Busy and Relationships •
As mentioned above, our behavior ripples out. As parents, we are teaching our children how to be busy. We feel that by overscheduling them, setting high standards, and providing them with the newest technology we are helping them get ahead of the pack and ready for a nitty-gritty, competitive world. And although we may be well-intentioned, our continuous quest to get more done in less time, and our efforts to teach our children to do the same, ends up incubating us from one another.
When busy pushes its way into our significant relationships, little room is left for intimacy. Emotional intimacy occurs when we allow ourselves to be present, vulnerable, and aware of our needs and the needs of our partners. When we are distracted by our pursuits, shifting our priorities so that our significant relationships fall in line behind those pursuits, we become disconnected from our partners. It’s unlikely that we will be raised up and invigorated by our relationships if we feel tired, stressed, or unsupported, and it’s doubtful that our partners will feel inspired to support us if they don’t feel they are a priority.
In our professional lives, it might seem counter-intuitive that doing less and connecting more could be an effective formula for success. Yet when organizations value the importance of professional interpersonal relationships, they experience long-term benefits, such as better employee health, fewer absences, and decreased worry and anxiety. Cultivating relationships takes time and effort, and unfortunately, when doing so is not considered an important part of an organization’s tenet, opportunities are missed and personal health and well-being are sacrificed. Imagine if we all slowed down enough to get to know the other people we are spending 50 percent of our waking hours with? Building professional relationships doesn’t need to involve inviting our coworkers to dinner. We just need to slow down, be present, and get to know another person. Doing so builds camaraderie and communication and mutually focuses efforts.
• What’s the Price of Your Pace? •
What’s the price of your pace? Your health? Your relationships? Your career?
Now that you’ve determined the signs that it’s time for you to break up with busy, you can begin to advance that awareness and discover what motivates your busyness and the importance it represents in your life. The three questions below will help you begin your exploration of both.
1. What motivates you to continue your busy pace?
2. What value does your busy pace provide you?
3. What do you want, and what do you need, to make it happen?
Take a few minutes for each question and consider each with thoughtful consideration; it’s a significant step that will help you gain clarity around your motivations so that you can begin your break from busy. These questions may not be easy to answer. Perhaps you’ve never thought about what motivates you or considered the concept that busy is a choice, a culture, a behavior, one that entices you to feel important and valued. Just by exploring these questions, you’ve expanded your awareness, and awareness allows you to recognize your blind spots and build on your strengths. So, congratulations! You’re on your way to breaking up with busy and starting to live your life instead of just running the race. Understanding exactly what strategies you have in place that are keeping you busy and overscheduled is your next step.
The busy habit is just like any other habit — breaking it takes practice. You may be accustomed to rushing from place to place, saying yes when you really need and want to say no, or being the go-to person all the time, and it’s exhausting! I’m sure you know far too well what that feels like and are ready to change for good. Merely scratching the surface of a habit provides only temporary feel-good solutions.
As we learned in the last chapter, you’ve got to dig down to get at the root of what motivates you and the value you derive from the habit. Motivation is the bridge between desire and action, and to make change stick, especially when changing deeply ingrained habits, it is your motivation that helps you remain focused on your goals, even when setbacks occur. Your motivation determines how likely you will be to accomplish your intended outcome. Knowing what value you’ve attached to that outcome is key in formulating your decisions associated with achieving your goals. Motivation aligns your efforts with your goals, and the value you place on that goal greatly influences your success in meeting it.
The next step is to understand how your motivations and the value of a habit play significant roles in your thought processes when setting up your strategies. As
