The Divorce Hacker's Guide to Untying the Knot. Ann E. Grant

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The Divorce Hacker's Guide to Untying the Knot - Ann E. Grant

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to Hire a Divorce Financial Planner

       Check Alternative Housing Options in Your Area

       Seek Help

       Chapter 3: Setting the Tone

       Notifying Your Husband and Serving the Divorce Papers

       Divorcing a Narcissist

       Establishing the Marital Standard of Living

       Consider Working Remotely

       Be the Grown-Up — Protect Your Children from Conflict

       Understanding the Family Home as a Marital Asset

       Essentials v. Nonessentials — Identify Priorities and Eliminate Nonessentials

       Chapter 4: Digging In

       Preparing Your Financial Disclosures

       Handling a Bullying Partner During Your Divorce

       How to Handle the Suddenly Income-Deficient Spouse (SIDS)

       Vocational Examination — What It Is and When to Use It

       Deciding What to Do about the Family Home

       How to Handle Children Who Act Out

       Moving Through the Grieving Process During Divorce

       Chapter 5: Getting What You Need

       Temporary Support — How to Get What You Need

       Attorney Fees — Getting an Order for Your Husband to Pay

       Launch Your Own Business

       Parenting Plan — Making a Parenting Plan That Works for You and Your Kids

       Handling Your Emotions When Selling Your Home

       Cultivate the Healing Power of Gratitude

       Chapter 6: Settlement

       Negotiate from a Position of Strength

       Mediation — How to Get What You Want

       How a Forensic Accountant Can Help

       Get to Work — How Your Job Affects a Settlement

       How to Negotiate an Effective Parenting Plan

       Get Appraised

       Radical Acceptance — Accept What Is Within Your Power to Change

       Chapter 7: Taking Charge

       Preparation of the Final Divorce Decree

       Dividing Retirement Benefits

       Take Control of Your Finances

       Crank Up the Income — Insist on What You’re Worth

       How to Handle the New Girlfriend

       Downsizing — When Less Is More

       Grit — Essential for Success

       Chapter 8: Moving Forward

       Finalize the Paperwork and Organize Your Affairs

       How to Avoid Ending Up Back in Court

       How to Use Social Media to Increase Your Business

       Effective Coparenting

       At Home in Your Home

       Be Better, Not Bitter

       My Hope for Readers

       Acknowledgments

       Index

       DivorceHacker: An Invitation

       About the Author

       Introduction

      Not long ago, I was in your shoes. I experienced the demise of my marriage, and it felt as though my life was over. Everything that I had dreamed of came to an abrupt end, and on the worst days, I literally didn’t know how I was going to make it through. I was sick, scared, and felt constantly under attack from my soon-to-be ex-husband and overwhelmed by the divorce proceedings as our marriage unraveled. I didn’t know where to turn.

      In time, I learned that life could be better — much, much better. By combining my practical skills as a lawyer and an empowering healing practice, I found a way out of the chaos to take back my power and create a new and better life. In this book, I share what I learned with you, so that you, too, can create the life of your dreams. Divorce does not have to be the end of your life, and it does not have to be an endless, complicated undertaking. It is an opportunity for a new and better life, and I am here to show you how to make that a reality.

       The First Essential Truth

      Let’s start first with an essential truth: You cannot depend on your husband anymore to look out for your best interests. It is astounding how many women walk through the doors of my legal practice believing that, even as they are going through divorce, their husband can be trusted to “do the right thing” for them. These women assume that, since they are trying to “do the right thing,” their husband will do so as well. Every woman I have represented has experienced that “aha” moment of awareness — that he’s no longer looking out for you. This isn’t “man-bashing.” There are plenty of good and honest fellows out there. But it is a fact that, during a divorce, the man who once promised to put you first is no longer doing that. The sooner you accept this inconvenient truth, the sooner

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