my greatest darkness in a most shocking manner. Once a year the oncology department at Oakland Children’s Hospital in California has a memorial for the children under their care who have died that year or any previous year. The parents and staff gather in a large room and share stories and pictures.
This was my second time playing harp for this gathering, and although I’d found it emotionally challenging before, I thought I was strong enough to handle it once more. But this time, looking out at the sea of devastated parents, many of whom I recognized from the year before and looked as grief stricken as ever, combined with watching the heartbreaking slideshow of little children smiling in their hospital beds while hooked up to huge machines — some covered in bandages, many bald — catapulted me straight into the darkness I’d tried to avoid for so long.
A tidal wave of grief poured over me, and although I was able to keep playing, I was crying almost uncontrollably. Life appeared a carnage of lost hope and meaninglessness. It was all I could do to get myself to the car, and shaking all the way home, I spent the next three days in a full-blown crisis. I couldn’t eat, drink, or sleep, and I trembled in literal mortal terror. Picturing all those sweet children gone forever, I felt I was teetering on a void of nothingness. I fought and fought the looming darkness, desperately pulling out my books by everyone from Thich Nhat Hanh to Starhawk to Hildegard, finding no comfort and no relief. I felt I was losing my mind.
After three long days, exhausted on every level and at the end of my rope, I surrendered my fight. And there I lay, staring into the darkness of death with no fear. No fear, because I had nothing left to fight with. I entered the darkness and accepted that in all honesty perhaps there really is nothing. We live, we die, that’s it.
And right at that moment I felt it! A little flame lit up inside my chest, merrily burning away. I leaped upright in the bed in one bound, laughing and crying and filling up with the bright energy of my little flame. I felt my soul shining within me, as it had always been doing. I felt my soul without a shadow of a doubt, and I knew it beyond any debates or rationales. In an instant I realized that all my fears were in fact the very things that had disconnected me from knowing my soul, my true self. When I finally let go, when I let the darkness — the infinite unknown — in, my greatest connection illuminated immediately. My fears evaporated. I feel this same flame connection today, and it is one of the reasons I know that when we face the unknown, we will be liberated by it.
My fears had disconnected me from knowing my soul, my true self.
I have learned through hard-won experience that if we can dwell in the unknown, sit with uncertainty, if we can face our pain, then healing and transformation can happen. Light and dark, like yin and yang, do not compete with each other. Rather, they complete each other. In fact, they amplify each other as beloved collaborators that exist along a spectrum. The spark of initiation is received by fertile grounds, and blossoming into form, sparks further inspiration in turn.
Fear — the very fear that was blocking me from knowing my true self — is both a symptom and a cause of disconnection. Further, living in fear attracts greater fear. Living in fear constricts our lives as it paces around us, imprisoning us in ever-tighter circles.
Darkness does the opposite: it provides the rich intuitive ground for life to take root in and flourish. Darkness facilitates life affirmation of unfathomable depth. Imagination blooms.
Yet facing darkness is not without its challenges. This is why I created the Bright Way: as a path to guide you through the cycles of light and dark that is this creative life. Cycling between intuition and rationality, action and receptivity, the known and unknown, light and dark, individuality and community, you will become a creative alchemist transmuting lead into gold. You will turn the leaden weight of disconnection into the shining gold of your internal flame.
Let’s not fear the darkness. Instead, let’s face it together. You are not alone on this path.
The Bright Way is a path to choosing love over fear.
Connection is what we crave as humans. True connection — connection based in Sacred Reciprocity — is, in a word, love. And that is what this Bright Way has gifted me: a path to choosing love over fear, connection over disconnection, collaboration over competition. We light our flames together, shining bright against a velvet background of deep mystery and all potential.
Shining Light on the Shadows
On all epic journeys, there is a moment of hesitation. Let’s face that uncertainty, knowing now that it is an ally we have much to learn from. This darkness is an invitation to go deeper. This darkness is an initiation.
Perhaps something like this is surfacing for you: “Since creativity reflects our true selves back to us, what will I see?” This notion can set nerve-racking expectations that your creations instantly be amazing, given that they reflect your very core. Or maybe we worry that there is no real creativity inside us and we will produce nothing pleasing, even to ourselves. Or we might fear that reflections of our anger, worries, and other “negative” emotions look unflattering, resulting in deprivation of love and connection. Indeed, there are many things we might feel anxious about.
The important thing to remember as you go through this process is that the products of your creativity reflect only part of you. They are not actually you.
I remember back when my whole identity was wrapped up in being a musician. Whatever state my music was in, that’s how I felt about myself as a person. If things were going well musically, I felt great. If they were going badly, I felt worthless.
The products of your creativity reflect only part of you. They are not actually you.
What I didn’t realize at the time was that my musical output wasn’t me, any more than your reflection in the mirror is actually you. Your work is a snapshot in time. A very important snapshot, true, but not your actual soul. Even your creative journey is not you; rather, your creativity is a way back to your true self.
My Bright Way Vision for You
My vision for you is that your creativity shall be your life ally from now on. My dream is for you to engage wholeheartedly with your life, know personal fulfillment, and shine your light back on our world. My hope is that your dreams guide you again — as they once did back in your golden age, no matter how briefly — and that you live your desires out loud from now on. This path is a way to manifest it. Whatever your chosen form of expression, it is your birthright to be creative and live your truth. You can live a connected, engaged life, whatever your current and ever-changing circumstances.
I’m here to assure you: your creativity is alive and wants to emerge in all its glory. . .for you. Yes, others may enjoy, admire, and benefit from your work, but it’s by keeping a firm focus on your creative purpose for yourself that you’ll thrive and stay true to your path. If I had to boil down everything we’re focusing on here to one message, it is this: creativity is a way of life, not merely a goal.
You can live a connected, engaged life, whatever your current and ever-changing circumstances.
BRIGHT WAY ACTIVITY
Creativity Is a Lifestyle
Write “Creativity is a way of life, not merely a goal” on several sticky notes and place them in your planner, on your bathroom mirror, in your car, and anywhere else you visit often. Notice how the layers of this message’s meaning unfold for you. They’re still unfolding for me, even after
