then there were two sizes of cloth diapers, long ones and square ones. I took pride in getting my baby’s diapers as white a possible by bleaching them and adding “blueing” to make sure that when I hung them on the clothesline they would be perfectly white and without stains. Every garment had to be straight. All the long ones, then the square ones together, his sleepers and night gowns, tiny shirts, facecloths, and socks all had to be in order. When I brought everything in from the clothesline, I ironed everything. Even the hems of my bed sheets and flannel pyjamas. I could hear my mother and all the women I’d worked for in Cartwright echoing in my brain: “If you’re gonna do a job, do it right.”
Aside from caring for my newborn, I took pride in keeping my house clean. After scrubbing my floors on my hands and knees, I then added paste wax and polished the linoleum until it shone. We didn’t have much furniture, only what came with the house. I was grateful for that, because we certainly couldn’t afford to buy any. I grew up very poor, literally living from the American military dump, so that didn’t bother me too much.
The only source of heat we had was a stove that burned wood and/or oil. When the temperature during winter dipped way below zero we had to bundle up. I tried my best to keep the baby warm. However, when it got below minus twenty-five and minus thirty I worried about him freezing to death. It got so cold during the night that when I got up to check on him and pulled the covers down, his warm, wet body would meet with the cold air and the steam would billow up into my face.
Mrs. Penny would drop by every day to see how I was doing and to give me advice. She tried to show me how to care for my house and my baby. She didn’t know that I grew up caring for my many siblings. I didn’t want to be disrespectful to her; after all, she was my mother-in-law. I had to bite my tongue many times to stop from saying something I might later regret.
What had just happened to me? Where did my hopes and dreams of marrying a tall, dark, and handsome man go? Where did my freedom from responsibility go? Thankfully I was too busy to give it much thought. I never had a friend in the place and had to rely on my sisters-in-law for a lot of my needs. Sal went back home to Cartwright shortly after my wedding. My Aunt Winnie was a great help. I adored her. She had soft brown eyes that seemed to reach into her very soul.
Though I’m not sure to what degree, Aunt Winnie was living with a drinking man who occasionally abused her. I’d become too busy trying to adapt to my own situation, trying to cope with so many new things at once, to give it much thought. Now I was discovering the indifference of my husband. It was very unsettling.
Chapter 10
My First Job
Keith was working as a civilian for the Canadian Armed Forces when we got married. Therefore, we did have an income, but it wasn’t enough to support us. There was so much to learn about finances. I hadn’t yet experienced that aspect of my life. Aside from the two years as a cook at the mission school in Cartwright, the only thing I’d ever done was domestic work at ten dollars a month. I gave some of it to my mom for the children. Or to buy them candy. Keith came home from work one day and suggested I should find a job. I was awestruck. I had a job caring for our newborn and our home! Why would he even suggest it? A week or so later he came bounding through the door.
“I was talking to somebody today and he mentioned that there was an opening for a cashier at the PX on the American base.”
“Whass a PX?”
“It’s a store where the Americans shop,” he said flippantly. As if I was supposed to know!
“So? What do you want me to do about it?” I asked, confused.
“Would you like to try it?”
“I don’t know. I never did anything like that before. What will I have to do?”
“Just stack shelves and work the cash register and stuff,” he replied.
I didn’t know anything about cash registers, or store clerks, or stocking shelves. I didn’t know how to express myself and was always fearful of ridicule. I was, however, taught to obey. Then fear engulfed me. I didn’t want to leave my baby with strangers.
“Who will care for our baby?” I asked.
“We’ll get somebody to come in,” he said. “The money will come in handy for our new addition I want to build.”
“What new addition? I like it just as it is,” I argued.
“No, it’ll be too small for us in a few years.” Keith said.
I lost the argument and I hadn’t any choice but to get someone to care for my three-month-old baby.
The very next day Keith drove me to the PX and I was hired on the spot. I can’t recall how and I don’t remember anything about an application or an interview. What was I to do? I didn’t get much sleep that night. I had no decent clothes to wear and I had no idea what was in fashion. When I was younger my sisters and I would squabble over garments from the rag-bag of clothes mom got as payment for her sewing. When I was eleven years old I earned ten dollars a month as a domestic, and I was then able to order my own clothing from the Eaton’s and the Simpsons-Sears catalogues. I prided myself in being one of best-dressed adolescents in my hometown. This was an entirely different situation. It required appropriate clothing and I was fearful my wardrobe would not measure up.
The next thing I remember, I was working in a huge department store for the American military. I didn’t start cash right away. They put me to work stocking and reorganizing shelves. I was quite comfortable there because I knew I was a good worker and organizer. Also, I was very intrigued about all the different things the Americans had available to them; there were hundreds of products I had never seen before! I thought they were all millionaires. I had no concept of lifestyles, culture, hobbies, or theatre. I hadn’t any concept of distance or space or anything about worldly goods and services that other human beings did. I was ignorant about everything.
They taught me how to count back change and I caught on quickly. I actually liked the challenge of it. I was then moved to the cashier’s cage and enjoyed it very much. I had been conditioned from early childhood to always do a good job. So it didn’t matter what I did, from that time on, my work ethics were hard-wired into my brain. It’s not surprising then that I did well on the job. My superiors praised me for my work, and my chest filled with pride with the kind words they bestowed on me. I was enjoying this experience. Life was pretty good to this point.
I thought of my wee baby at home and felt terribly guilty for leaving him. He was such a good boy and easy to care for. My babysitter seemed to be doing well with him, which gave me a little relief.
The first New Year’s Eve we experienced as a couple was a memorable one because I was too young to be permitted into the New Year’s party. Here I was, married with a child, a home, and all the responsibilities that go along with that, yet not permitted to attend the Grand New Year’s Eve Ball! I’d been hearing throughout the Christmas season that it was quite an occasion. Keith was so upset, and decided to do something about it. He went and visited the base commander. As a result, I got a special permit to attend.
I had never seen such hoopla in my entire life! There were fancy paper hats for everyone, lots of noisemakers, and in the ceiling there were hundreds of balloons tied into a mesh net. We had so much fun! Then at midnight all the balloons came floating down and everyone started hugging and kissing each other to the age-old song “Auld Lang Syne.” I thoroughly enjoyed myself. I loved to dance, and by the end of the night I was exhausted, but happy to be a part of the adult
