continue to use these proven techniques. Some even decide their anxiety symptoms are meant to be, and never try making progress again.
When people quit based on fear, they miss the chance to discover that this fear barrier is not as difficult to conquer as they think. Why? Because the steps provided in this book can be taken very gradually. You can set the pace. If feeling afraid or even terrified, you can go as slow as you need. It’s always best to start where you are. Wherever you are is your beginning. Don’t judge yourself or accept some false belief that you’re weak and should be further along. By using the scientifically proven tools in this book, you can make steady progress, no matter your degree of fear—if you allow it. If you accept the help and choose to help yourself. If you commit. Your choice.
A Caution and Word of Encouragement to All Reading This Book
See your anxiety symptom reduction through to the end. You must do this if you want the relief and freedom you deserve. As you learn the techniques in this book and begin to apply them, you’ll make progress. Reject anxious suffering as your lot in life and keep pushing forward. No one needs to live with anxiety symptoms. You deserve much more! Why accept suffering that is unnecessary? Life offers enough challenges that are fully out of our control. Don’t give up the fight. This is a fight you can absolutely win.
Clichés for transcending fear and taking the necessary steps abound. You’ve heard many, such as “Journey of a thousand miles…,” “No risk, no reward,” “Every bit of forward movement is progress,” “Just keep moving the ball down the field,” and more. That’s because they’re all true. So just take the steps… Commit to the journey… Keep putting one foot in front of the other… And be brave. You’ll discover you’re stronger than you ever knew as you walk the path of becoming a fear-facing warrior.
“Of all the liars in the world, sometimes the worst are our own fears.”
—Rudyard Kipling
“High anxiety, it’s always the same.”
—Mel Brooks, as sung in the film High Anxiety
Anxiety is most easily defined by its emotional, mental, and physical symptoms. On the emotional end, most of my patients over the years have described their anxiety as a bad feeling, one of impending doom, unease, tension, or restlessness. On the mental side, thoughts of losing control, intense worry, or “what if?” wreak havoc. And on the physical front, anxiety can manifest in a myriad of symptoms, from flop sweat to rapid heartbeat, with a full range of degrees and freak-out reactions.
Those that suffer with anxiety know these symptoms well. And their family members, spouses, romantic partners and friends are familiar with them, too, having seen their loved one’s struggle. However, much to the exasperation of the anxiety sufferer, their seeing does not often mean believing. And, certainly not often understanding. In fact, this can be a huge frustration for the anxiety sufferer, one that those who have never struggled with anxiety just don’t get.
Casey, a former patient of mine, was infuriated with her husband for not understanding the abject terror of her panic attacks. “He just gives me this look like I’m weak. Like he doesn’t know what to do with me or for me. Like I’m a child. It feels so judgmental and condescending. He must think I’m making up my panic on purpose. Some need for attention. Or drama. He doesn’t understand because he can be like a robot. His emotions are always steady. I don’t wish my anxiety on anybody, but if he could just have it for a day, then he’d get it.”
Casey’s desire for her husband’s understanding became an unnecessary focus and created conflict in her marriage. It also exacerbated her anxiety symptoms. She was finally able to give up her pointless, five-year “make my husband get it” quest by adopting these two reality-based beliefs.
Reality-Based Belief #1
For those that don’t struggle with anxiety, trying to understand the experience is like a man trying to understand what it’s like to be pregnant. Sure, a man can see that the extra weight has the potential to hurt a woman’s back. He can also appreciate, intellectually, that pregnancy can involve morning sickness. But men will never truly understand the pregnant experience because it’s one of those experiences in life that, to truly understand it, you must go through it firsthand. Same goes for an anxiety syndrome.
Reality-Based Belief #2
Your anxiety struggle and the process of overcoming it is yours to own. After all, it is your anxiety. By all means, try to receive understanding. Seek support from your loved ones. Get hugs. But if they don’t understand, it really doesn’t matter, because no loved one can assist you in resolving your anxiety symptoms. If understanding and support from family and friends is offered and available, great. That said, though nice, support from family and friends is not needed. What is needed are scientifically proven anxiety treatment strategies to point you to freedom’s path. But no one can walk the path for you. And you’ll be amazed at the empowerment you can feel by walking it yourself. Progress made by you, and yours to keep.
Whether on your own or with your loved ones’ support, no matter if anybody in your life actually “gets it,” to make your anxiety getaway, it must first be made clear that…
Anxiety Is Fear
They are one and the same. You can’t have anxiety without fear. Anxiety means you are afraid. In considering the hundreds and hundreds of anxiety-ridden patients I’ve treated over twenty years, there was never a person whose anxiety did not represent fear.
But do you know specifically what you fear?
To beat your anxiety, you need to identify the road block. How can you resolve your symptoms if it’s unclear what you fear (potential song lyric?)?
I worked with a young woman in her late twenties named Sadie who, in her first session, described her debilitating anxiety while both standing in line at the grocery store and shopping at Target in the back aisles. Complicating matters, she was unaware of what she feared. To cope, she simply avoided these errands. This led to a scarcity of essentials in the house, one of which being toilet paper. Sadie started to lean on friends and her sister to bring her these items. I doubt any of them ever expected to be her Charmin supplier!
Through some exploration, we identified that while in line at the grocery store, Sadie felt unable to leave with a full cart. She felt trapped. And when shopping deep in the back aisles of Target, she felt like she was on a deserted island. With a mix of fear and frustration, Sadie proclaimed, “I can’t even see the exit!”
It’s not always easy to identify a fear because the extreme nature of some anxiety symptoms can pull focus, masking the fear itself. But attempting to resolve anxiety symptoms without addressing one’s actual fear would be like treating a broken arm without addressing the fracture. If unaware of the break, one might simply ice the swelling, when successful treatment actually calls for a cast. This works against creating the correct fear-focused plan to truly break free. And you waste a lot of time.
So, the first step in making your anxiety getaway is identifying what you fear. That said, let’s begin to turn the tables on your anxiety by looking it in the eye.
How to Determine What You Fear
1.Mentally recreate the image or experience of what triggers your anxiety symptoms.
