and mediators continue to play an important role in private as well as business affairs. Korean businesspeople especially prefer to use mediation to settle disputes that arise in their international relations and are upset when foreigners bring in lawyers, or threaten to bring them in, and resort to court action.
The best way for foreign companies to protect their own interests in Korea is to have ready access to the services of a Korean chungjaein who is senior enough in age to be genuinely respected by the other side; who has had a distinguished career in business, in diplomacy, or as a high-ranking government official; who was educated abroad or had extensive experience in acting as a go-between in international situations; and who is known to be objective and fair-minded.
Generally there is no lack of such individuals in Korea. Korean culture influences people to become philosophical as they age, and for most this means becoming logical, objective, and fair in their judgments—all things that were often denied to them during their youth and younger years.
Naturally, the better educated, the more experienced, and the more successful Koreans are in their primary careers, the more likely they are to mature into sages who think and see beyond the confines of their own culture and become true internationalists.
Chung Mae 충매 Chuung May
Arranged Marriages
Until Korea’s feudal family system was abolished in 1945 following World War II, virtually all marriages were arranged and were subject to a number of government regulations and social customs, some of which extended back to the first appearance of Koreans as a distinctive group of people.
By the unified Shilla period (669-935), marriages between people with the same family name, between blood relatives, and between different classes were prohibited. During the Koryo period (935-1392) young men and women could not marry if either any of their parents or grandparents were serving prison terms or if it was during the official period of mourning for a deceased parent or spouse. Also in earlier times, there was a form of serial monogamy in which the two parties getting married were already related to each other through marriage that was known by the interesting name of tae bagu (tay bah-guu), which is translated colloquially as “substitute sex partner” and figuratively refers to a surrogate husband.
During the latter years of the Koryo dynasty (918-1392) the gradual encroachment of Confucian influence in the government resulted in measures being taken to prevent widows who had married a second time from marrying a third time. Anyone who married a third time was blacklisted in an official book called chanyoan (chah-n’yoh-ahn), which was tantamount to being labeled a prostitute. In 1485 the Choson government totally banned widows from remarrying in an edict called Kyong Guk Taejon (K’yohng Guuk Tay-joan), which means “Great Book of Honorable Nation.” To add force to this edict, the sons and grandsons of upper-class women who disobeyed the law and remarried anyway were permanently prohibited from taking the civil service exams that were a prelude to government positions. The only males that this law did not apply to were sons-in-law of kings.
The Kyong Guk Taejon edict resulted in the development of so-called “kidnap marriages” among commoners and those below them. Men arranged with their male friends to steal widows from their homes. Once they had slept with the stolen brides, the marriage was recognized by society and the law as legitimate. In many cases, widows, usually with the help of friends, arranged for their own kidnapping since that was the only way they could remarry.
During the Choson dynasty (1392-1910) there was a ban on marriages among the upper class when the court was looking for brides or husbands for royal princes and princesses. Most upper-class families did not want their children to marry into the royal family because they became virtual prisoners in the court, were in special danger during factional uprisings, and could end the family line if their sons or daughters who were wed to royal spouses died childless.
In addition to being kept isolated in their court quarters, the women of the court, including the queen and princesses, were required to do various kinds of work. All, including the queen, had to tend silkworms because this particular activity was considered to be training in moral thought and virtuous conduct. Another reason why most women did not like being selected to serve in court as ladies-in-waiting was that after they were released they were officially prohibited from getting married.
Early in the Choson period all marriages were prohibited during mourning for the death of members of the royal family. It was eventually made law that all betrothed couples had to wait for two years if a death occurred in either of the two families concerned prior to a planned marriage. Punishment for violating this law was a hundred lashes with a bamboo staff, which was usually disfiguring and could be fatal.
The legal age for marriage during the Choson era was fourteen for girls and fifteen for boys, but it was common for girls to be married earlier, especially when a parent was ill with an incurable disease or was over the age of fifty.
Upper-class Choson men could have as many secondary wives (concubines) as they wanted and could afford to support. Secondary wives from the commoner class were called yang chop (yahng chope). Those from the “lowly class” (butchers, entertainers, slaves) were called chon chop (chohn chope). When a man took a commoner as a second wife, there was a simplified ceremony. No ceremony was required when the woman was from the lowly class. Secondary wives had no legal position, and their children were regarded as illegitimate. Their sons were prohibited from taking the exams for government service, the highest form of employment in the society.
Until recent times in rural areas, immediately following a wedding the bride was presented to her new in-laws and other members of her husband’s family in a ceremony that was called pyebaek (peh-bahk). Another old practice that has fallen by the wayside was the custom for members of the wedding party to escort the new bride and groom to the room where they were to spend their first night together. There their relatives, mostly drunk by that time, would poke peep-holes in the paper doors to watch the couple. But once the couple had started ceremoniously removing their wedding robes, the groom extinguished the candle lighting the room (by squeezing the flame between sticks rather than blowing it out so as not to breathe out good luck), thereby preventing the peepers from seeing anything.
The chung mae (chuung may), or “arranged marriages,” that occur in Korea today are more likely to be among the upper class, whose members are more concerned about social and economic standing, and among common people in rural areas, where the old traditions persist. Arranged marriages that do occur generally follow centuries-old customs. The first of these customs is careful scrutiny of the so-called “four pillars” of the prospective couple, which refers to an astrological study of the year, month, day, and hour of their birth.
Predictions based on the “four pillars” concern the health, life span, and material success of the two individuals—not the relationship itself. Whether or not the couple can be expected to live together in harmony is revealed by their kung hap (kuung hahp), or “harmony quotient,” which is usually determined by a fortune-teller. The results of the kung hap generally take precedence over the “four pillars.” If the harmony quotient of the couple is low, the proceedings are usually called off, and the search for potential partners begins anew.
If both the kung hap and “four pillars” are positive, the next step is an engagement ceremony at the girl’s home, at a restaurant, or at a hotel. At the meeting the young couple exchange gifts, and the young man’s parents ceremoniously present the girl’s parents with a piece of handmade white paper on which his “four pillars” have been written. The two families then decide on the wedding date. The first private meeting between prospects for an arranged marriage is called the matson (maht-sohn).
From this point on, the customs for yon-ae (yohn-aae), or “love marriages,” and chung mae marriages are similar. A day or so before the wedding is scheduled to take place, the young man’s
