that gives self-doubt to even the most confident and competent woman.
For those who came from more humble beginnings, the challenges have been even more daunting. But, what is so obvious is that it is some of these challenges, themselves, that have pushed the particular woman to set her intention and strengthen herself by whatever means she could, to rise to the challenges and move forward despite setbacks.
Flexibility is the ability to change course or tolerate changes in plans, even setbacks, without losing faith or ambition. It is also the ability to entertain new ideas without being threatened by them. It was obvious that this flexibility was essential in each of the stories of success. These women learned to take risks that are unimaginable to the average person from the dominant culture. They adjusted to changes in living arrangements, jobs, and personal relationships. They let go of entire careers and security when other possibilities arose, or the necessity of moving on became apparent. They tolerated disappointments and failures without giving in or giving up. They simply changed course, gathered their energy and kept on.
In addition to the core values that shaped these women, seven character strengths seemed to describe them and appeared to characterize African American women, in general. Each of the following chapters features one of these character strengths, and brings forward the stories of distinct women who exemplify this particular strength. The individual stories are meant to affirm and honor the contributions of the particular woman featured, as well as inspire the reader to adopt and nurture the particular strength personified.
What became clear about the thirty women interviewed for this book is that each woman could actually fit into every one of the categories I had identified. Each of them had some degree of each of the strengths, as you will see. At the same time, some aspect of their individual stories exemplifies the strength recognized and helps it come alive.
In addition to honoring these amazing women, this book is meant to support you, the reader, in your pursuit of your life’s work and your destiny. When you are in need of one of the strengths identified in these pages, go to that chapter and read several of the stories for inspiration. See if you can find the support you are looking for in the stories of these thirty women. Then make a plan and take action!
CHAPTER 2
The Survivors
We are survivors and not victims, and we have to take a stand or take a step or make a statement that allows us to move from being the victim of other people’s decisions to the architect of our own well being and that of our community and country.
—Lani Guinier
African American women, despite their social or economic status, have been called upon to survive and make their way in a Euro-centric culture that is frequently unwelcoming and often downright disdainful of them. Given the fact that their ancestors survived the Middle Passage, then slavery, with its unspeakable hardships, as well as the intervening years from emancipation through the Civil Rights movement of the 60’s, and beyond, it is no surprise that endurance is part of their shared cultural history.
The women represented in this chapter have amazing stories of surviving in the face of obstacles, and perseverance despite roadblocks of every sort. They have moved through the challenges they encountered to live enviable lives of success and service, each in her own way and according to her own gifts. When one considers the challenges that African American women in the United States have faced in previous generations, it becomes obvious that the ability to set one’s jaw and push through whatever obstacles are in her path is a birthright, and has become inherent in her character.
Being a Survivor does not mean that a woman should simply endure hardships and endlessly “take it.” But, it does mean that this strength can be called upon to move through difficulties a day at a time, with perseverance and determination. She can rely on the memory of her ancestors and their dogged strength and resolve when she falters or feels disheartened.
During the “midnight hour,” when it feels as though it is time to give up, this strength can carry a woman through. The question becomes, how to illuminate that darkest hour and follow the light.
In this chapter, you will have an opportunity to meet four women whose life stories illustrate this valuable character strength. They demonstrate endurance, persistence, and grit, and have survived in the face of many challenges to achieve their goals. They demonstrate a wonderful blend of courage, ingenuity, and stamina.
Sekyiwa Shakur
“When a person is depressed, there is just a feeling of nowhere to go. This is a worldwide problem that needs to be addressed. So, my best advice is to do something to improve your mental health.”
Of all the women featured in this book, I have known Sekyiwa Shakur the longest, and so it is appropriate to begin these chronicles with her story. Had it not been for her inspiration, this book would probably not have been written.
Set, as she is known to her friends, reached out to me on the recommendation of Sierra Tucson Hospital in Tucson, AZ, where she had been treated for depression and trauma. When she left Sierra Tucson, she decided to move onto a houseboat in Sausalito, CA. She had her two young children with her, and she told me that she had come to Sausalito to learn about gentleness. That was the word she used. Here she would begin the process of creating a new life for herself and continue her recovery from the depression and post-traumatic stress disorder that had stalked her.
Set’s courage and determination were amazing to me! She knew only a handful of people in the area and was essentially alone. She was only twenty-four years old.
I was changed by Set. She was inspirational and challenging all at once. I think she was relieved as well as surprised to learn that I had little knowledge of her famous brother, Tupac, and therefore no judgments or preconceived ideas, and no awe about his fame. Hers was a world largely unknown to me. At the time, I thought this might be a problem, but Set was quite clear in her intention to take time out, albeit temporarily, from the life she had known, to expand her worldview and reinvent herself.
Set is enormously funny and she made me laugh all the time. In addition to her amazing courage and forthrightness, she was completely willing to learn everything she could. If I made a suggestion, whether it was about how to think about something differently or how to approach a particular situation or challenge, she was willing to try it out. At the same time, she was not afraid to tell me when she thought I was off base or simply did not understand her or her situation. And, I often did not. But, I was open to learning, too.
Several years later, when Set told me she was getting ready to return home to Atlanta, I was very sad. We had shared many deep experiences. We were both in very different places from where we had begun. Each of our worldviews had been expanded.
Some time later, it was a joy to attend her wedding and to come to know her family. My life has certainly been blessed by knowing Set.
Sekyiwa is an African name, which means “determined.” It is a perfect name for the baby girl born to Dr. Mutulu and Afeni Shakur in New York City, NY. Set says that she does not remember her parents being together, but she imagines that they were a cute couple. She is told that when she came into the family, they had a hand-made crib and a rocking chair waiting for her. Her brother, Tupac, was four years old by then and happy to have a baby sister. She says that her mother was “big on babies” and sang lullabies to her at night.
Set’s parents were part of the Black Panther Party, an African American organization established in the 1960’s, to promote Black
