comparatively safe gym environment. But instead of talking to him about my fear midway through our climb, I clenched my teeth and continued to belay for him.
As it turned out, the climb was fine, and I started to relax when our two friends, AR and JS, caught up to us at a ledge, where we took a break to eat. Once we reached the top and started our long walk to the car, my boyfriend announced that he was going to run back. I’m not sure why he was in such a hurry, but I had a nice chat with AR on the walk back, and I realized I didn’t mind my boyfriend’s absence.
The next day, we climbed some more, and on the third day, AR and I had to fly back early to return to work, while my boyfriend and JS stayed on to climb for another day. On that day, they had an epic: On their rappel down the cliff, they encountered a pair of climbers whose rope had gotten stuck. As they traversed to retrieve it, one of the climbers fell right near JS, who initially thought the climber had fallen to his death. Fortunately, he suffered only a broken ankle, but JS was so shaken by the sight of him falling that she clung to the anchor point to regain her composure.
When they finally got down from the climb, it was 1 or 2 in the morning, and my boyfriend and JS were so full of adrenaline that they decided to make the long drive home. When he told me the story later that night, he complained to me about JS holding onto the anchors. Recalling my own fear and inclination to grab the anchor after my first pitch, I told him I would have done the same thing.
Then he lost it. He started telling me I was irrational and that holding the anchors was stupid, and he finally concluded that he would never be able to climb with me again. We had been out plenty of times, but it wasn’t until we had an outdoor challenge together that I saw his true colors, and we broke up that night.
The happy ending to this story is that I also saw the true colors of another guy on that trip, and AR and I have been together ever since. He is my favorite partner for climbing and skiing and all of life’s challenges.
—ED
Creating a Sketchy Memory
“ I have a little sketching kit that I bring along on every camping trip. It has my pencils and sharpeners and paper. To me, it’s like a history of my outdoor experiences. I’ll write little notes on the bottom saying where I was, and what time of year—maybe even a note on what colors things were. But it’s mostly my impressions of the places we’ve been, and I keep them all in a box at home. My husband doesn’t sketch, so I do it while he has a little rest. He’s very big on scheduling sleeping times at least once per day while we’re camping. It all works out well for us, except that I don’t end up getting as many naps! ”
—HT
Sometimes even having the same hobby can pose challenges. Lana and her husband both like to take pictures, so they’re always fighting over the camera. “Not serious fighting, of course,” Lana explains. “But we did have to go buy an extra memory card, because on longer trips we’d actually fill up our camera’s memory, and neither of us ever wanted to delete any of our beautiful pictures.” Lana’s solution to their camera woes was simple: “Actually, my husband doesn’t know this, but I’m getting him his own camera for his birthday so I can stop sharing mine.”
Try to find some way to incorporate what you both like to do into the trip. If you’re going to stop and sketch, plan to do it somewhere with a side trail for your partner to explore, or on a beach where your partner can go for a swim. If your partner feels the need to stop and identify every bird in the treetops, you can take those moments to check the map, have a drink, or take a few pictures. Standing around getting bored and angry won’t help anything, so go out of your way to enjoy yourself. If your partner has indulged one of your hobbies, be sure to say thanks—either with words or, better yet, with actions.
Making sure you both get to do what you love involves planning. Don’t set tight timelines if you need photography or bird-watching breaks 10 times a day. If you need to go for a swim every day to be happy, make sure your campsites will all be on the water’s edge. Making all of the “extra” activities part of your plan also lets your partner know what to expect. If he or she knows from the start that you want to spend half a day rock climbing in a specific spot, then you won’t be arguing about it when you get there. Your partner can plan for it ahead of time by either joining the climb, or having something else to do, like reading a book or going for a hike.
Share Your Dreams—and Your Concerns
Obviously, communication is the key to planning a trip that will make both of you happy. One of the great things about camping together is the chance to share your dreams. If you’ve always wanted to see the aurora borealis, or stand on top of Mt. Rainier, then it becomes all the more special to do it with the one person in the world who means the most to you. Talk about the things you’d like to see and do, and find out which ones you both share. If you have a lot of dreams in common, make a list and every time you take a camping vacation together, you can cross something off.
If you’re just getting to know someone, communication is even more important. You may be excited about your new partner who loves going on canoe trips as much as you do. But on your first trip together, you may discover that the serene weekend on a lake you had in mind is not a match with the whitewater adventure she had in mind. Clearly, more discussion was needed before the trip.
By deciding ahead of time what you each hope to get out of the trip, you’re much more likely to actually accomplish those things. Surprises are fun, but they can also lead to disappointment if your partner doesn’t react the way you had hoped.
The dreams you share can take on many forms. They can include places you’d like to see, activities you’d like to learn, or even new additions to your love life. If you’re bringing camping into your relationship in hopes of spicing up your sex life, that’s something your partner should understand before you head out. If you have outdoor sexual fantasies, for instance, it’s a great idea to share those ahead of time so your partner will understand what you have in mind. You can even bring along helpful props or costumes. Have you always wanted to play Adam and Eve? You won’t need much for that one, except maybe an apple. What about “seduced by a mermaid” or ”captured by a pirate”? All you really need is an isolated spot and your imagination. But if it would help to bring along an eye patch, well, why not!
Sharing your dreams and goals is a great step toward making your trip memorable, but it’s also important to share any concerns you may have before you go. If you think the route you are looking at is beyond your skills, speak up before you get too far into your preparations. It might be your partner’s dream to kayak down the Colorado River, but if you aren’t ready to handle the rapids, then maybe that dream will have to be put on hold until you have enough experience. It’s tempting to agree to what your partner wants, just to make him or her happy. But if you are in the middle of the trip unable to continue, or angry with your partner for putting you in this uncomfortable situation, then you’ll have nobody to blame but yourself.
How to Even Things Out
We all like to think that we’ve got a good balance in our relationships. But for a lot of couples, there is an imbalance of some kind that comes into play when you’re outdoors together, and it has nothing to do with a bad relationship. Maybe one of you has been camping forever, and the other is a beginner. Or one is significantly taller than the other, or stronger or more fit. All of these things can get in the way of enjoying the same trip, but there are ways to help even things out.
The previous chapter covered a number of ways to help out a beginner. Generally, it’s up to the more experienced person to make sure the less experienced person will be comfortable with what’s going on. But there are some ways to
