and you are not paying attention.”
When headman Zhou heard this, he said, “First of all, you two should not be so ready with your talk. If you two want to pull the monk up and along, we are willing to let you do it.”
Tian Laibao said, “If I cannot pull the monk up, I will drop the family name of Tian.”
Wan Hengshan said, “If I am unable to get the monk up and going, I will no longer eat my meals in the six-family village. Now, if you will just step aside…”
The others stepped back. They saw the two hitch up their pants, tighten their belts, and straighten their hats and clothing. Then the two stepped forward a few paces and fell on their knees before the monk, saying, “Respected sir, please stop distressing these people. Just look at them. If you will not go, the prime minister will be angry with them. He will talk to our boss, who will have to do something. We will then all be disciplined and discharged. The old and young in our homes will go hungry. I beg you, respected sir, to show compassion.”
Hearing this, the monk smiled coldly and replied, “If you two had asked in this way before, I would have gone long ago. Headman Tian, what is your honorable name?”
When Headman Tian heard this question, he said, “You know my name is Tian. Why do you ask?”
The monk said, “Your name was not mentioned before.”
Headman Tian said, “My personal name is Laibao.”
Again the monk spoke: “Headman Wan, what is your honorable name?”
Wan Hengshan said, “Teacher, do not be annoyed with us. Have mercy, have mercy upon us. Let us go with them.”
The monk said, “Go then. Go!”
Then Tian Laibao said, “Headman Zhou, now that the worst of this business is over, I beg to leave you.”
“You can go now,” said Headman Zhou, coming over to take Tian’s place.
By this time they had led the monk out of the Monastery of the Soul’s Retreat and had covered two li (roughly two-thirds of a mile) along the shore of the West Lake and the Su Embankment. In this area there were many wine shops. The monk stopped in front of the gate of one wine shop, sat down on the ground, and would not go on.
Headman Zhou asked, “Teacher, why don’t we go on? Do you want a drink?”
The monk replied, “Perhaps I do not want a drink, but I want to ask you something. In this sort of business you adapt yourself. If you are on a mountain, you eat what is on the mountain. If you are near water, you drink the water. If you are among yellow trees, you wear yellow clothing. If there be not many, there may be few. If it be not large, it may be small. Now, if there are friends of mine who see me being taken to the prime minister’s residence, how will you handle that? In this business I feel that you must spend a few cash on the monk. If not, I cannot calmly and peacefully go along with you.”
When Headman Zhou heard this, he thought to himself, “I have been in this business for so many years, but this is the first time that anyone involved in a court action has asked me for money.” Headman Zhou then said, “Teacher, you are a person who has left the world. What do you want to do with the money you are asking for?”
The monk replied, “I must drink wine. If I am not befuddled, I cannot go on.”
Headman Zhou said, “It is possible to drink wine. How many pots of wine does Teacher usually drink?” The monk asked for twenty pots. The wine shop sent out the wine. The monk pretended that his neck was that of a bottle and declaimed as he drank:
Restraint!
In drinking keeps the temper mild,
From lechery, brings long life.
Property thus accumulates,
And families are kept from strife.
In the twinkling of an eye, the monk had finished the wine. Headman Zhou had just the number of cash in his pocket needed to pay for the wine, not one more and not one less. As he noticed this, he said, “Teacher, if you had drunk another pot, my money would not have been enough, and if you had drunk one pot less, I would have had a few cash left over.”
The monk said, “Headman Zhou, when you got up this morning, wasn’t it your wife who gave you that money?”
“That is so,” he replied.
The monk said, “That is the money that I gave your wife last night.”
Headman Zhou said, “Teacher, do not joke. Let us go on quickly.” And he led the monk on for about two li more.
The monk said, “Headman Zhou, you change over and let someone else lead me.”
Headman Zhou asked, “What for?”
The monk replied, “You do not have enough money. Change to another man.”
Headman Zhou called upon Headman Wang to lead. As he started off with the monk he said, “Teacher, keep going.”
The monk said, “I will not go. Do you know why Headman Zhou is not leading me?” Headman Wang did not know, so Ji Gong continued: “In order to lead this monk, he had to spend some money on him.”
Headman Wang said, “What does the teacher want to do with money?”
The monk said, “Drink wine!”
Headman Wang said, “Drink then, Teacher.”
The monk said, “Give me ten pots of wine.”
“Right!” said Headman Wang. “I brought only four hundred cash, just enough. I have no more.”
Ji Gong drank the ten pots of wine. He wanted to be drunk when he reached the prime minister’s estate. Wang led the monk for another two li.
The monk then said, “Headman Wang, you, too, must change places with someone else. Another person must lead me.”
Headman Wang said, “Teacher, you are not being reasonable. When Headman Wang led you from the Monastery of the Soul’s Retreat, that was two li, and then you drank wine. When you finished drinking, you again went two li. After four li you changed leaders. Then you would not go. Before you would move another step, you had to drink some wine. Now you have gone only two li. Why do you want to change leaders again?”
The monk explained, “Headman Zhou gave me twenty pots of wine. You are worth ten pots of wine.”
“I will not argue with you,” said Headman Wang. “Headman Zhang, you come and lead.”
Headman Zhang said, “Teacher, if you want to drink, just go ahead and drink. Here we are in front of the Inn of the Drunken Immortal. I have credit here—drink your fill.”
The monk said, “Give me thirty pots of wine.”
When Zhang the third heard this, he opened his mouth, sticking out his tongue in astonishment, and said: “Teacher, old man, how much wine do you drink in one day?”
The
