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How parents and professionals can help
spectrum kids become successful adults.
Temple Grandin, Ph.D.
Professor of Animal Sciences, Colorado State University
Debra Moore, Ph.D.
Psychologist, Sacramento, CA
The Loving Push: What’s Holding ASD Kids Back & How to Change It
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© 2015 Temple Grandin and Debra Moore
Cover design by Robert Morrow
Cover illustration courtesy of iStock/Getty Images
Interior design by John Yacio III
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Printed in the United States of America.
Photo of Temple Grandin © Rosalie Winard.
No part of this product may be reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission of Future Horizons, Inc, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in reviews.
ISBN: 9781941765203
eISBN: 9781941765296
To our mothers, Eustacia Cutler and Alma Rebecca Moore, who invariably provided loving pushes, some appreciated at the time, others not so much. In retrospect, we are extremely grateful.
In memory of Oliver Sacks, M.D. (1933 - 2015)
CONTENTS
PART I: THE PATH TO SUCCESS STARTS HERE: RESTORING HOPE
Chapter 1: Real Stories, Real Successes: 8 Inspiring Profiles
Chapter 2: The Three Necessary Components of Your Child’s Success
Chapter 3: How to Break Your Child’s Bad Habits—A Necessary Step So Your Child Keeps Moving Forward
PART II: STRETCHING YOUR CHILD & AVOIDING PITFALLS
Chapter 4: Stretching Your Child Just Outside Their Comfort Zone
Chapter 5: What to Do When Your Kid Doesn’t Seem to Care or Is Chronically Anxious
Chapter 6: DANGER AHEAD: Compulsive Gaming and Media Recluses
PART III: PREPARING YOUR CHILD FOR ADULTHOOD
Chapter 7: Teaching Vital Life Skills Needed for Success
FINAL THOUGHTS
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
REFERENCES
Mother knew that she had to “stretch” and lovingly push me just outside my comfort zone so I could develop to my fullest. She was always urging me to try new things but she made sure there were no surprises, because a sudden introduction of something new was scary. I was lucky to get into a good speech therapy program at age 2½ and after I learned to talk, she always gave me many opportunities to use my speaking skills. In our family, all the children had to do the job of party hostess and host. At age seven or eight, I had to put on my best clothes and greet the guests who had been invited over for dinner. This taught important skills such as shaking hands and greeting people. My two younger sisters and brother also had to greet all the guests and help serve the snacks. In the 1950’s, all children were taught social skills in a much more structured manner. My brother hated being a party host, but later in life, he admitted that it helped him talk to older men. This helped him become a senior vice president of a large bank. Even the normal kids benefitted from practicing learning to greet and talk to new people.
Debra Moore and I decided to collaborate on this book because we are both seeing more instances where fully verbal older children and young adults with ASD (autistic spectrum disorder) are not learning crucial basic skills for socializing and employment. We are both very worried about these youth, because without these skills, they are unlikely to be able to lead successful, independent, satisfying adult lives. If parents, teachers, and therapists of all sorts recognize the danger zones for these children, however, we can turn this around. That is our intent in writing this book.
At many different conferences, I am seeing a pattern of four things that are preventing smart children and adults with ASD from making a successful transition to full independence. Debra has seen these same concerns in the youth and families she worked with. These four things are a result of changes happening in our families, schools, and the world of technology.
1. ASD youth are being overprotected and not given enough opportunities to learn how to do things on their own. Too frequently, parents, teachers, or aides do things for the child that deprive him or her of the opportunity to make mistakes and thereby learn to solve problems on their own. For example, when I give talks, I meet teenagers with good speaking skills, but their parent does all the talking for the child. One time a mom started to ask a question for her child, and I said, “Your child needs to ask the question.” In this and most cases, I have been able to coax the child to talk, even in front of many people. They are then happy that they were able to do it. To help the child keep his nerve, I will warn the audience to hold applause until after the child has responded. Many kids with ASD just need additional time to get their words out.
I think moms often run interference
