to interact with each other (http://dictionary.reference.com/). These skills are the context for all learning, a prerequisite for positive adult outcomes and a deeply important part of being a person. Furthermore, impairments in social communication that are part of the diagnostic criteria for ASD include social-emotional reciprocity, nonverbal communication behaviors, and developing, maintaining, and understanding relationships (American Psychiatric Association, 2013). Those of us working with individuals with ASD must continue to develop our abilities to assess and teach these critical skills.
How did you learn the complex understanding we define as social skills? When you walk into a restaurant, office cubicle, movie theater, or public restroom, how do you know how close to be to another person, when you should or should not make eye contact, how much you can talk, or what is the appropriate tone of voice or topic of conversation? Indeed, it is a wonder that we ever know how to be! However, we act “intuitively,” based on years of observation and corrective feedback that might have been very direct, especially when we were children, or quite subtle as we note another person’s response to our own behavior. For individuals with ASD, and others who struggle to develop social skills, these skills need to be well assessed and taught directly. Think about something that is hard for you to do, maybe writing or spelling, packing the car, or reading a map. While others may find these tasks natural and proceed without thought, you have to understand your own area of weakness and develop strategies to compensate for a lack of skill. We all have areas in which we need to work harder than other people to succeed at something that is important to us. Remembering this can help us empathize with the incredibly hard work it is for many individuals with ASD to operate in a social world.
For all of us, and especially school-age children, learning happens through social experiences that are defined by unwritten rules and an expectation that certain ways of being together are inherently understood (Endow, 2012; Winner, 2007). For example, even very young students in a classroom are expected to stay together and make transitions as a group. They need to understand that they are “one of many”; that is, when a direction is given to the group they are expected to follow it and, conversely, they cannot interact with the teacher as if there is no one else in the room (Gray, 2000). In addition, key areas of academic development require social understanding. Consider, for example, that the ability to comprehend a story necessitates discernment of character relationships and motivations as well as the ability to infer and predict social behavior. Clearly, social skills, which allow us to share space and experience with other people, are not just for making friends. We need our social skills to function well in everyday life (Winner, 2005).
Social skills are also paramount in considering outcomes for adults with ASD. Difficulties with social communication have been cited as roadblocks for adults with ASD in both higher education and places of employment (Barnhill, 2007; Thierfeld Brown, Wolf, Kind, & Bork, 2012; Tincani & Bondy, 2015; Endow, Mayfield, & Myles, 2012). Clearly, the development of academic skills, while obviously important, does not ensure success for individuals with ASD in post-secondary school settings or in the workplace. Rather, social skills (such as the ability to maintain calm, exchange important pieces of information, understand a common goal, be flexible and collaborative, understand hierarchy, and consistently follow the myriad of social rules that govern behavior) are essential (Myles, 2016). Undoubtedly, any director of human resources, working with people with or without disabilities, would say the same.
Equally important to the development of appropriate school and workplace skills is the ability to develop satisfying personal relationships that enrich each person’s quality of life. In the past, we have sometimes made the mistake of misinterpreting a lack of social skill as a lack of interest when trying to understand the lives of individuals with ASD. What we now understand is that everyone, including those who struggle to learn social skills, desires connection with other people and seeks comfort, safety, and a sense of belonging as part of a social community.
A strong premise for this model is that social skills and related strategies must be taught directly and with deep respect to individuals with ASD. Consequently, the development of these skills will not be supported by simply having the person who is struggling with “being social” spend time with others who have well-developed social skills. The analogy of teaching reading to a person with dyslexia is instructive; one would not seat a struggling reader with a group of strong readers and expect significant or meaningful improvement in the struggling reader’s skills. Rather, assessment must inform instruction, and each pre-requisite skill must be taught in a structured manner before that skill can be integrated for use. The same holds true for teaching social skills to individuals with ASD.
As we plan for direct teaching of these essential skills, we consider who will provide this instruction as a social communication partner. Initially, we learn to be engaged with a skilled partner (SP), often a family member or professional who has high motivation for interaction and proficiency with the skills being learned. We see that as we move up the steps to being social, trained peers (TPs), who are a similar age to the learner and are taught skills to facilitate specific aspects of “being social,” are key. Like the skilled partner, the trained peer is also motivated to be a part of the social interaction and has already mastered the skills he or she is helping to teach. In addition, while trained peers understand their role as teacher, they are also a true participant in age-appropriate activities and need frequent encouragement to understand their role in the success of the learner. Over time, learners increase their competence and confidence to use skills with the people they encounter in their day-to-day lives.
Finally, it is crucial to understand that all communication is social. While children may learn to talk or use alternative forms of communication, these have little value if social skills are not developed to provide opportunities to use communication for meaningful interaction (Frea & Vittimberga, 1999; W.D. Frea, personal communication, December 3, 2015). In fact, in the most recent revision of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), social and communication impairments were combined into one domain reflecting that social skills are inextricably linked to the development of communication skills (American Psychiatric Association, 2013; Schreibman et al., 2015). As you will see in the next chapter, ENGAGEMENT, which we define as that remarkable ability to be self-regulated and share space, focus, and pleasure with another person, is where we begin our journey to “being social.”
What does it mean to be “engaged” with another person? No matter what age or level of social development, certain key components define the moments that we are actively involved in connection with someone else. Consider an infant who uses her limited motor skills to signal that she is ready to begin or end a face-to-face interaction. Or the toddler who throws food off the high chair tray with delight at watching an adult pick it up, only to begin the game again. These are the early moments of ENGAGEMENT that become the foundation of a lifetime of “being social.” Current research is helping us understand that very young children who are later diagnosed with ASD show a marked lack of orientation to the faces of their important people, while at the same time a heightened orientation to objects. This difference creates a change in early relationships as caregivers find a little one who does not respond to them in the ways that they expect; in turn, this often results in fewer opportunities to engage in and practice social interaction (Rogers & Dawson, 2010; Fuhrmeister, Lozott, & Stapel-Wax, 2015; Klin, 2014).
Self-regulation and shared space, focus, and pleasure are defined as the components of ENGAGMENT. The interactions designed to support ENGAGEMENT are usually facilitated by a skilled partner, often a family member in collaboration with a teacher or therapist. Similar-age peers can also be highly motivating and provide models for targeted behavior at this
