tells the student that the problem was a tough one and that you are showing empathy and admiration.)
Figure 3.2: Respond to student problems.
Visit go.SolutionTree.com/instruction for a free reproducible version of this figure.
Judging a student’s situation gets in the way. Stop telling him or her how to fix it. That comes later, much later. Even if you’re in a lousy mood (it happens), you’re likely to find that saying one of these triggers your own empathy, so start there. Likewise, regularly engaging counselors by telling them about students who need extra support is also a tremendous way to help students feel cared about. Counselors can build stronger relationships and help students navigate life and the system. When your school adds just one counselor, it increases college attendance by 10 percent (Bouffard, 2014).
This applies to less extreme situations as well. Remember the first of Stephen R. Covey’s (2013) seven habits: seek first to understand. Listen more, and talk less. The next time a student doesn’t complete an assignment, say, “I’m sorry it didn’t get done. Tell me what happened?” The next time a student is late for class, say, “Hey Eric, good to see you. Go ahead and join your teammates. They’ll get you caught up.” You can talk to him or her privately a bit later. When you do, and before anything else (like a reprimand for tardiness), check for safety. Ask the student, “Usually you’re good about being on time. What happened today? Are you OK?”
Knowing this, would you change your approach to any of the questions in figure 3.2? If so, visit go.SolutionTree.com/instruction to access and print out a clean version of the figure. Keep refining your approach until you feel like you’ve got a toolbox of responses that show genuine empathy.
Use Quick-Connect Tools
On day one, students want to know who you are you and whether you care for and respect them, so don’t wait until you have friction in your classroom to begin showing empathy. As I detailed in chapter 1 (page 9), using student names is a great start to building the class. Many teachers fall short at this. Use the following quick, easy tools to fast-track your relationships with students in your classroom. These are as simple as 1–2–3.
• One and Done: In the first thirty days of school, do one favor, make one connection, or show empathy that is so powerful that an individual or whole class remembers it. For example, a student shares a hobby he or she has with you. Let’s say it is video games. You go home and search the internet for the nearest gaming convention dates and discuss with them what you found. Use figure 3.3 (page 30) to track your progress.
• Two for Ten: Identify one to two students who most need a connection early on. For ten consecutive days, invest two minutes a day in connecting time to talk about anything. This could be right before class, during seatwork time, or when the student comes up to you for something else. This gives you the relational foundation for the whole semester or year. Use figure 3.4 to track your progress.
• Three in Thirty: Ask just enough questions, through any conversation, to discover three things (other than a name) about every student you have in the first thirty days. For example, do you know who else is at home in the family? Do you know what interests the student has outside school? Do you know what the student wants to do when he or she gets older? Use figure 3.5 to track your progress.
Figure 3.3: One and Done tracking sheet.
Visit go.SolutionTree.com/instruction for a free reproducible version of this figure.
Figure 3.4: Two for Ten tracking sheet.
Visit go.SolutionTree.com/instruction for a free reproducible version of this figure.
Figure 3.5: Three in Thirty tracking sheet.
Visit go.SolutionTree.com/instruction for a free reproducible version of this figure.
Consider the three preceding strategies as a quick start. Additionally, use the following three quick strategies as add-ons to show you care: (1) connect early, (2) connect late, and (3) connect with students’ home lives.
Connect Early
During the first few minutes of class (or before it starts), make the rounds with students. Assess how students are doing on the opening activity, and take a moment to check in with them emotionally. You can build rapport, connect, and show empathy even with brief conversations. This is also a great way to complete your Three in Thirty worksheet (refer to figure 3.4). Use figure 3.6 as a list of common conversation starters; use the empty spaces in the reproducible version to add some of your own ideas based on what you know about your students individually and as a class.
Figure 3.6: Conversation starters.
Visit go.SolutionTree.com/instruction for a free reproducible version of this figure.
Some teachers will engage in friendly small talk with students (for example, about their favorite sports team and if that team lost or won). You may politely compliment a student on his or her new hair style or new shoes or ask about an upcoming community event or a family activity. Use the first three to seven minutes to see if anyone is struggling academically and needs extra help.
Connect Late
When students are leaving class, check their body language. Often their nonverbal signals will indicate their emotional state without you even needing to ask. See figure 3.7 (page 32) for a feelings poster for students. You can laminate the poster and have students circle the face that represents how they feel. Students can use this poster upon entering and exiting the class and during instruction.
Figure 3.7: Feelings poster.
For example, if a student is dragging himself out of class, maybe he or she does not want to go to his next class, maybe the student does not understand how to do homework, or maybe he or she is sorting out a big emotional issue. On his feelings poster, the teacher notices he circled frustrated all class period. This is the time to check in. Ask, as a student leaves, “Have you got a second?” Then say, “You know I’m always here for you, right? If something’s going on, maybe I can help things move along a little
