Alexander the Great was another one of history’s great negotiators and great military leaders. By age thirty, Alexander had conquered the entire
Reason to Study Negotiation #4: All Is Fair in Love and War
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known world and he did most of it through negotiation rather than gory bloodshed and mutilation. Many of the cities that Alexander sacked and brought under his rule were done through peaceful negotiation where Alexander would march his superior army up to the walls of an enemy city and would demand tribute. Alexander had the reputation for being a fearless general and had inherited the best army in the world from his father. He would also brutally massacre anyone who stood up to his demands to make examples of them. By using intimidation and later diplomacy, Alexander was able to assemble the largest empire in the world at the time, and he didn’t just build the empire; he was also able to keep the empire together through negotiating with the conquered people. Alexander understood the need to be cooperative with the cities, towns, and kingdoms that he brought under his rule. He would assimilate conquered armies into his army and treat the conquered people well because he knew that he only had enough power to stop small uprisings, and thus he had to negoiate. Alexander knew that he could get what he wanted by giving his people what they wanted, and he was successful up until his early death.
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Reason to Study Negotiation #5:
Win-Win Negotiation Is Dead
“If you don’t focus on yourself, your interests
and your situation, then no one else will!”
—Stefan Aarnio
T
here is an idealisitc concept of negotiation called “win-win” negotiation in which both sides attempt to help the other side get what he or she truly wants. In many ways “win-win” sounds like a great
concept, and if both sides can meet their needs, that is ideal. However, in the world of reality, “win-win” negotiation is dead. You have a position and something you want. In contrast, the other side has a position and something they want. You are not responsible for the other side achieving their goals, being satisfied, or meeting their needs. This may sound harsh or insensitive to you, but conversely, they are not responsible for your needs, success, or happiness either. What is most important when negotiating is to get what you want and then end the negotiation by getting out! If you can help the other side, great! If you don’t want to help the other side, then fine. What is more important than the other side is focusing on what you want and your interests. If you do not focus on yourself, your interests and your situation, then no one else will!
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Reason to Study Negotiation #6: Every Human Interaction Is a Negotiation
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Reason to Study Negotiation #6:
Every Human Interaction Is a
Negotiation
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egotiation begins the second you come into contact with another human being.
Negotiation is like riding a bike.
When was the last time you did not get what you wanted? And why is it that we don’t get what we want?
—In North America we live in a society that is conditioned to accept what we are given. We are not taught to ask for what we want. We are born, grow up, and go to school while serving the system and filling the demands of our teachers, parents, and employers. Nowhere in the system of conditioning are we asked about what we want. We are not taught to think about what we want or assert our positions. This failure to identify and go after what we want is a downfall of North American culture and makes us less competitive in business around the world.
In Canada and the United States, we are worried about being polite and not offending the other side. Unfortunately, our success is directly correlated to our ability to have hard conversations. We must become comfortable with being uncomfortable and asserting our position to get what we want.
We pay the highest prices for everything in Canada and the United States
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relative to the rest of the world, and we pay high prices because we are conditioned to accept what we are given. When we go shopping at Walmart, we pay the sticker price for every item in the store; we don’t bother negotiating or asking for a better price because of conditioning. In other countries around the world like Mexico, China, and India, goods and services are negotiated, and it’s an accepted part of the culture. Ironically, China, Mexico, and India are becoming some of the most competitive players in the global business arena right now while the United States and Canada fall behind.
To become competitive and get what we want, we must negotiate. Everything we want is currently in the hands of someone else, and the only way to get it is to negotiate.
Most people have problems asking for what we want and getting what we want. We typically get what people give us.
Why?
When you were born you were a good negotiator. When you cried for your mother’s milk, she gave it to you. That is why you are alive and able to read this; if you didn’t win your first negotiation, you wouldn’t be here today. Children and babies understand how to negotiate, they point at something they want and cry and scream until they get it. Somehow in the process of growing up and going through social conditioning we lose our innate ability to negotiate and get what we want.
Why is that?
Every human interaction is negotiation, whether it’s dating or trying to get your wife to agree to buying a new house or deciding on a restaurant. If you’re trying to get your boss to give you the hot new project or a raise, you will have to negotiate. Everyone wants something.
Every human interaction is a negotiation: every look, every touch, and every sound you make is the beginning, middle, or end of a live negotiation. Positions change over time and may become stronger or weaker depending on the circumstances. For example, it may be impossible to get a date with the prom queen when she’s on stage wearing a tiara and a sash surrounded by friends, allies, and admirers. However, it would
