Conversely, should you fail in a negotiation and not get what you want, it is very likely that you have violated one or more of the commandments to cause the negotiation to fail.
Commandment #1: Get What You Want and Get Out
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Commandment #1: Get What
You Want and Get Out
“Do not go past the mark you aimed for;
in victory know when to stop.”
—Robert Greene
T
here once was an American lawyer who took his wife to Mexico for a hot tropical beach vacation. The lawyer and his wife found a sunny spot on the beach. It was a bright clear day, and the sun
made the sand very hot to touch. The lawyer’s wife noticed a Mexican vendor with beautiful Mexican blankets for sale, and she told her husband that she would like one because the sand was too hot to lie down on.
The man approached the Mexican vendor and proclaimed, “That’s a beautiful blanket you have there! How much for the blanket!”
“$20 American dollars, Señor,” replied the street vendor.
“I’ll give you $5 cash right now,” replied the lawyer.
“No, Señor, I cannot give away my blankets for $5, but I can sell you one for $15.”
“$15 is too much!” replied the lawyer and he walked back to his wife to tell her that he was going to “get a deal” on the Mexican blanket that she wanted.
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As time passed and the couple sat on the hot sand, the Mexican vendor walked by again and the American lawyer offered $8 to the Mexican vendor who countered now at $14. The lawyer, too full of pride, felt that $14 was too much money for the blanket, and he and his wife scorched on the hot sand for a few more hours.
For the rest of the morning and into the afternoon both the lawyer’s position and the Mexican vendor’s position inched toward each other, and finally the lawyer met his maximum price at $11.25 and the Mexican vendor hit his minimum at $12.50. Neither side would budge, and egos were flaring. The Mexican would not yield, and the lawyer would not give in. Finally the sun went down, and the American lawyer and his wife went home without the Mexican blanket, badly burned and uncomfortable from sitting on the hot sand all day. $1.25 had ruined the beach experience for the lawyer’s wife, and the rest of the trip was very uncomfortable for him.
The number one rule in negotiating is to get what you want and get out. Negotiating for negotiation’s sake often times doesn’t make sense, and in the story of the Mexican blanket vendor, the lawyer showed us a perfect example of winning the battle but losing the war. In the big picture, $1.25 is not a big deal to an American lawyer who is taking his wife on a hot beach vacation and as they say, a happy wife is a happy life, but unfortunatley pride, egos, and competitive nature took over and suddenly the lawyer was negotiating out of ego rather than getting what he really wanted—a blanket and a nice beach experience for his wife. Even though the lawyer had successfully negotiated the blanket down to $12.50 from $20 and essentialy a 37.5 percent discount from the asking price, he failed to get what he really wanted—a happy wife with a nice beach experience and a blanket. Pride is the worst sin of all because it fools us to believe that we are better than others and our surroundings. In all religions of the world, sins are a waste of energy, and pride is the biggest waste of energy of all.
When negotiating remain in control and know when to stop. To be in control of something is to be able to start, change, and stop it. Get what you want and get out is the most important commandment in negotiation. Old Jewish wisdom says, “Count your money; don’t count their money.”
Commandment #2: Have a Pleasing Personality
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Commandment #2: Have a
Pleasing Personality
“All wealth is of the heart and mind and not of the pocket.”
—Pharrel Williams
A
pleasing personality that is magnetic and able to capture the hearts and minds of others is one of the most important tools to a skilled negotiator. We typically do business with those whom
we like and trust, and in order to have likeability and trust we must have a pleasing personality. Deals, concessions, money, opportunity, big breaks, and so on are always available to likeable, pleasing personalities and are hardly ever available to people with unpleasent personalities.
Ten Ways to Transform into a Pleasing Personality:
1.) Smile—Smiling is one of the most powerful and influential things you can do to become pleasing. For one, the act of phsyically smiling influences the brain to think that it is happier than it is and others who see you smiling will typically smile back. Smiling is also a display of power, and it shows that you are not troubled by your situation, no matter how difficult it may be.
2.) Always agree—“Yes and”—There are three words that must be removed from your vocabulary today if you wish to have a pleasing personality. These words are killers of agreement that is the basis of all relationships and the momentum that fuels all human transactions. The words that must be eliminated are (1) no, (2) but, and (3) however. These three
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