Dear Woman. Michael E. Reid

       “Third Part of Life…”

      “If you’re engaged, turn the page.”

      How old do you want to be when you get married? Twenty-eight, thirty, thirty-three? Yesterday? Why? Because somebody told you that’s what you’re “supposed” to do at that age? I’m telling you right now, don’t fall for it! Yes, marriage is cool, but you know what else sounds cool? Living your damn life. I know some people mature faster than others, and sometimes life puts us in situations where we need to do what’s best for our situations, not ourselves. So, if you’ve got one of those high school sweethearts that never turned sour, I get that. If you get pregnant (please, be careful) and you decide that it’s in the best interest of the child for the two of you to start a family, think about it again, and if you do decide to go through with it, I get that.

      Right now, I’m talking to the woman who’s tired of getting wedding invitations and having to buy new dresses to go watch other women commit the rest of their lives to somebody. I’m talking to the woman who wants to hop on the next man with a nice smile and half a brain and ride him into the sunset of “marriage” because you’re tired of trying to find a guy who can text you back in a decent amount of time when you’re talking about something other than hooking up. This is for you.

      Before you think about giving the rest of your life to someone else, ask yourself a couple questions. How many years have you given to you? How many years have you worked for yourself, on yourself, by yourself, with yourself? Let’s do some quick math here: As a woman, you spend roughly the first seventeen to eighteen years working for your parent(s), right? Everything including “wash this, clean that, move that, bring me this, don’t do that, be home at this time, you can’t wear that, you can’t go there, who is this and why are they at my door step,” plus a whole bunch of other rules, right?

      Then your eighteenth birthday comes along and you are finally free —well, sort of. Many of you will go to college; some will enter the work force, and some will do a little of both. Either way, you’re going to finally begin to start making some of your own decisions and living your own life. Keep going.

      These next few years, from eighteen to twenty-five, are crucial. This is when you start becoming your own woman. You’ll start figuring out what you like, what you don’t, who you like, and who you don’t. The good thing is, you’re well on your way. The not so good thing is your life isn’t really all yours yet. In college, you might not have your parents breathing down your neck, but college life isn’t a joke. You’ll have papers to write, homework to do, and parties to crash (not too many, though), and will probably be the most dating freedom you’ve had your whole life, especially if you had one of those moms that just had to meet every guy that wanted to take you to the movies or the dad who asks twenty-one questions to guys that even you don’t know the answers to yet. College is your first taste of freedom. Enjoy it.

      If you decide to go straight into working from high school, your focus should be on saving up enough money to move as far away from your parents’ house as you can, but close enough to still be able to sleep in your old room if the weather is going to be bad or if you’re out of food. You’ll realize that you were probably better off staying there a little longer, because leaving the lights on all the time isn’t a big deal until YOU are the one paying the electric bill.

      Once you’re out, enjoy it! This is your first taste of a little freedom; don’t let it go to your head or your heart. If you’ve just moved out of your parents’ house, don’t let only forty-five minutes go by until all of a sudden, you’re moving someone into yours. Your focus should be on your career, because either you’re at an entry level in your job or just getting started in your own business—either way, you’re in competition with people who are much older than you and much more experienced than you, and you have a lot to learn about yourself and your business. There aren’t enough hours in a day to be a student of school, a student of life, and a student of love all at the same time. You’re well on your way though, don’t stop now. Keep going.

      “Your teenage years and early twenties should be dedicated to you figuring out how the world works, not you trying to give the world to someone else.”

      Twenty-five to thirty. Okay, so if you’re on track, these should be some of the best years of your life. The only aisle you should be worrying about walking down is the one that has your diploma at the other end. You worked so hard these last four to six years. (Some people think college is so dope that they decide to stick around a little longer. No judgment here.)

      Now it’s time to enjoy the fruits of your labor and GET A JOB. (I’m just trying to warn you before your parents do.) This is when life starts to get a little easier—though not easy enough for you to think you can find a good job and a good man the week after graduation. It might be easier like, “I can get a job that pays me enough money to afford my rent, eating, and shopping—all with the same check…and still have money for gas.” (lol, but seriously) If you’ve been a working woman these last couple of years, let this be the time that you take working on your life and career to another level. It’s time to get a raise; it’s time to get a promotion; it’s time to apply for a different position, maybe even a new job. There are so many ways you can grow that have nothing to do with love. Try a few of them.