into one semester. But here's the good news: You can transfer your skills from one career to another. I'm a trained reporter; I'm always asking questions. And now, I'm asking questions of my students. What happened to that assignment? Why not take a risk? What is it that you really want to accomplish?”
Am I Dating . . . or Not?
“Not.
“At this point, if I have a free night, I'd rather spend it at home watching an episode of This Is Us rather than sitting across from a man in a restaurant and having to stroke yet another male ego! As my friend Mary Les Casto (Founder of Casto Travel—a global company) says: ‘There's no man good enough for me. I'm good enough for me.’ Here! Here!
“Did I mention that I redesigned my ring after my divorce? I decided that I deserved every karat of that diamond ring from my second husband, and I really wanted to wear it every day. But I didn't want the ring to be the same as when he gave it to me—too many unpleasant memories and bad karma too! I redesigned it and wear it on my right finger rather proudly every day.
“I may be alone, but I'm not lonely. Life is full. And I purposefully keep it that way. I continue to serve on the boards of Kristi Yamaguchi's Always Dream Foundation and the San Francisco-Osaka Sister City Association. I just went to Osaka to celebrate the sixtieth anniversary of the two cities' partnership. I also completed six years of service as chair of the Representation Project, whose mission is gender equality, and six years of service on the US-Japan Council. And after ten and a half years, I stepped down from the corporate board of the Bank of Marin.
“Last year, Deborah asked me to come to Indianapolis for her Indiana Conference for Women to interview Oscar-winning actress and author Diane Keaton. Interview Annie Hall? Yes, count me in! In reading Keaton's books, I learned that she is self-conscious about her thinning hair, that she refuses to get a face lift, and that she adopted her children when she was fifty and fifty-five. She told us on stage she is soon to be seventy-two. Bravo, Diane!
“At a recent dinner party, I was seated next to LeRoy Morishita, President of the California State University, East Bay, who told me there are no Asian-Americans on the Board of Trustees for the California State University system. I was appalled. I graduated from California State University, Fresno, so I have a particular interest. Hmmmm, I thought, I should toss my name into the pot as a potential Trustee. Women, we can't be shy; we must find a way to have a seat at the table. Stay tuned! I feel as if I'm just getting started!”
5
LEARN THE SECRETS OF THE BLUE-HAIRED LADY.
I was so far from the seat of power, but my naïveté worked to my advantage. When I was told that the studio passed on my first pilot, I thought that was a good thing—you know, like “passed” in college.
LINDA BLOODWORTH-THOMASON, TV PRODUCER AND WRITER (1947–)
Blue Hair on Fridays
“I wondered if he noticed her blue hair? He showed no reaction to the fact that the elderly woman sitting across from him in his opulent banker's office had just about the bluest hair he had ever seen. I am Deborah Stephens and that blue-haired lady was my grandmother.
“Her blue hair, combined with a matter-of-fact demeanor, penetrating eyes, and down-home hospitality, left no doubt that he, Mr. Banker, was just a minor obstacle standing between her and what she wanted—a loan. It never occurred to her that there were reasons she might not succeed: her lack of collateral (her home wasn't in her name), no credit rating, and the fact that, in those days (a mere thirty-some years ago), a woman could not even have a credit card in her own name. Nonetheless, I knew Mr. Banker was no match for the blue-haired lady.
“Her silver mop of hair was always tinted blue on Fridays—a tint, a curl, and a comb-out every Friday morning, no matter what. The whole process left her feeling beautiful, powerful, and bold. And so I came to love the blue hair almost as much as I loved her. I also grew up believing that all confident women of a certain age tinted their hair blue!
“That day was a defining moment for me. Yes, my grandmother received the loan—a college student loan, for me. Her negotiation skills could blow the doors open in any corporate boardroom. Yet she was uneducated and poor. Her wealth was comprised of deep religious beliefs and unconditional kindness. She also possessed the tenacity of a bulldog, as she never let the word ‘no’ stand in her way.
“What my grandmother lacked in cash, she made up for in an abundance of dreams. She had an unrelenting belief in me, greater than any belief I held about myself. No matter the circumstances or challenges, she was determined that I would go places in life that she and my mother had only dreamed about. Every woman should have a blue-haired lady like my grandmother in her life. She is the woman who thinks you are terrific even when you don't feel terrific—the woman who always believes that anything is possible, no matter the odds.
“Thanks to her, I attended college, landed an exciting corporate job, and made more money in a year than my mother had made in ten. Years later, I co-founded a management consulting firm, wrote six books, and gave speeches all over the world. Consulting with leaders (including a US President), I had the opportunity to work with some of America's most powerful people in a world that had been closed to my grandmother. Yet she was my inspiration.”
Obstacles and Possibilities
“Obstacles and possibilities often meld together to form defining moments in life, sometimes appearing just when we think we have life figured out. Unfortunately, smartly compartmentalized lives can be turned upside down in a matter of moments. One such moment involved my husband, Mike. After playing a round of golf, he experienced waves of pain that made him unable to walk as muscles spasmed throughout his body. After six months and numerous trips to the University of California-San Francisco Medical Center, doctors began to unravel the illness that was ravaging his body, which, by that time, had destroyed over half his lung capacity. His diagnosis began with the term “pulmonary fibrosis, caused by dermatomyositis and polymyositis”—words I could neither pronounce nor understand. We were told that he had five to six years to live. Our children were ages six and ten. The doctors suggested a lung transplant.
“Writing on Memorial Day, a time when we honor those who have served and died in wars, I realize that my husband was a veteran of a very different kind of war—a war on a rare disease. It is twelve years since his diagnosis and three and a half years since his death. Mike outlived his doctors' prognosis by so many years that he was among the longest living patients ever treated for pulmonary fibrosis. When he died, Jackie remembered this warrior by having the American flag flown at half staff on the nation's capital in his honor.
“Mike and I and our children spent over half our lives fighting this terrible disease while trying to live a normal life. There were times of fear and sadness and many times of happiness. There were battles with insurance companies over experimental drugs, prior authorizations, and responsible parties. There were hospitalizations and ambulance rides in the middle of the night. There was a move from our home in San Francisco to a small Midwestern town—a move that brought us closer to Mike's family and acknowledged the reality that the lung transplant list in that region was shorter.
Many women have stories like mine. The difference? I am blessed with friends like Jackie, Jan, and Michealene, and I am supported by the wisdom of other women that helped prepare me for a future I didn't want.
“Moving
