and believe, and when others believe in your goals, it emboldens you and solidifies your belief in yourself. Second, sharing your intentions creates accountability; it lights a fire under you to deliver the things you said you’d do—it would be a bit embarrassing if you did not do them!
It’s easy to stay stuck in the same old patterns (like the 92 percent of people who never follow through on their New Year’s resolutions) if you keep your goals inside, let negative self-talk win, and use your failure as evidence that you can never really have what you want. Sharing your goals with others really can feel like blowing your own cover, though, because you can no longer hide out. You’re exposed. It can feel incredibly risky, but the rewards are huge. Speak your goal out loud. Declare what you want and what you’re going to do about it. Own it.
Write & Discuss:
Challenging Negative Thoughts
Here are several statements that lots of people say out loud—or think privately—all the time. Circle any that feel familiar to you.
If you’re hanging out with a friend, read these statements aloud and see which ones sound familiar.
“I don’t have what it takes.”
“I’m not strong enough.”
“I’m not smart enough.”
“I’m not disciplined enough.”
“I’m not creative enough.”
“If I can’t do it perfectly, then what’s the point?”
“It will take way too long.”
“I’m not ready yet.”
“I’m not qualified to voice an opinion on that.”
“Other people are experts on that, but not me.”
“I’m just not the type of person who could ever do that.”
“I don’t have enough time.”
“I have plenty of time. I can do it later.”
Choose one of the statements that you circled. Then, come up with a new statement where you’re challenging the original statement and arguing that the opposite is true. If possible, come up with some evidence to prove your point.
Here’s an example:
“I’m not smart enough.”
New statement:
“Uh, no. Actually, I’m very smart! If there’s something I want to learn, I can figure it out. I’ve done this many times. Here’s some evidence: I taught myself how to use Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. I taught myself how to change a flat tire. I got myself through school even though it was tough. I’ve learned all kinds of new things, all throughout my life. I can do it again. And I will.”
Here’s another example:
“If I can’t do it perfectly, then what’s the point?”
New statement:
“There’s no such thing as perfection. If I wait for perfection, then I’ll be waiting forever. I’m not a perfect mom, but I’m a great mom. I’m not a perfect athlete, but at least I’m in the game! I won’t be a perfect business owner / politician / writer / activist either, but I won’t let that hold me back.”
Every time you challenge a negative thought and replace it with an empowering new statement, you start to lay down a foundation of new, positive beliefs about what’s possible. You can change the quality of your thoughts, just like you can change your clothes or your hair color. Every time you notice a negative thought creeping into your mind, stop, challenge that thought, and change the conversation.
Still Struggling to Move Forward with Your Goals? Try This: Turn “But” into “And”
I once attended a course where the instructor encouraged us to think of a statement that includes the word “but.” For instance:
“I want to spend the summer traveling through Europe, but I have three kids.”
“I want to have more free time, but my job is so demanding.”
“I want to feel confident and sexy, but I’m overweight.”
Then the instructor told us to cross out the word “but” and replace it with “and.”
“I want to spend the summer traveling through Europe, and I have three kids.”
“I want to have more free time, and my job is so demanding.”
“I want to feel confident and sexy, and I’m overweight.”
Switching that one word gives the statement an entirely new feeling. Pretty amazing, right?
When you say “but,” it’s like hitting the delete key on your dream. The word “but” immediately creates a trapped, inflexible feeling. You’re shutting out possibilities and creating barriers instead. The moment you turn “but” into “and,” it changes the conversation. With that one switch, it’s easier for your mind to shift into a curious, exploratory state. Instead of scoffing and saying “No way!” you start asking, “What if?” Sure, it’s possible to travel with kids. People do it all the time. You can too. Yes, it’s possible to change your work schedule and create more free time. And absolutely, it’s possible to weigh more than you’d like and still love yourself and feel totally sexy. It’s possible to do all of those things and more.
When I find myself slipping into a negative mood, or when I’m wrestling with a problem that I can’t figure out how to solve, I try to insert “and” into whatever I’m saying. It’s like flipping a light switch inside my mind. Try it and see for yourself.
Big, Sexy Goals = Thousands of Small, Unsexy Steps
I was once interviewed on a podcast called Real Talk Radio hosted by a woman named Nicole Antoinette. It’s a show dedicated to honest conversations about real life—especially the difficult, messy parts that most people don’t want to discuss publicly.
I immediately liked Nicole. She’s a total badass—an athlete who has completed all kinds of incredible physical feats, including running two marathons back to back and solo hiking through the wilderness with a backpack, a tent, dehydrated beans, and not much else. She recently completed an 800-mile solo hike through Arizona and Utah.
One thing that Nicole always says on her show is, “Every big, sexy goal is the culmination of thousands of small, unsexy steps.”
It’s so true. One of the biggest goals of my life was becoming an entrepreneur and opening my fitness studio, Barre & Soul. But I didn’t achieve that goal overnight. It was a gradual process filled with thousands of small, unsexy steps. And it was a process that required me to take a lot of risks—emotional risks, creative risks, and financial risks, too.
One of the first risks was signing up for a training program to become a certified barre instructor. That might seem like no big deal to some people, but for me at that point in my life, it felt like a major
