of a suitable space, everything was either too expensive, too small, or needed too much construction. I searched online and in newspapers, called real estate agents, and drove up and down the streets with my kids in the back seat, looking high and low. But the right space didn’t appear.
Then one afternoon, I was walking into my favorite Mexican restaurant downtown when I noticed a space across the street with brown paper over the windows. A little handwritten sign in the window said “For Lease” with a phone number.
I called and the landlord met me there. I walked into the tiny space, and my heart sank. It was too small. But my partner Jason, an architectural designer, kept insisting that we could make it work. When I realized I wasn’t having any luck finding something bigger, I decided that for a year, we could make the small space work. I signed the lease, we got ready, secured our occupancy permit, and managed to move in just one day past our sixty-day goal. That “too small” space has now been in use for more than five years, and it is one of Barre & Soul’s most successful locations.
In order to make the down payment on the space and get it ready to open, I had to scrape up some start-up money. I was approved for a business credit card and was fortunately able to take out small loans from my partner and my mom, who were willing to dip into their savings to help me get started. If that hadn’t been an option, maybe I would have begged other friends and family, held a fundraiser event, made a crowdfunding page, or sold my stuff. No matter what, I was on a mission to make it happen.
A few years after that initial success, after having opened a second studio thanks to the success of the first, it was time for yet another risk. With Barre & Soul growing rapidly, I wanted to open a third studio location. But this time, it was a much bigger studio in a much pricier neighborhood—the heart of Harvard Square in Cambridge, Massachusetts. My stomach did somersaults when I saw the monthly rent. It was so much higher than anything I’d paid before. But once again, that inner voice told me, “This is the next step. This is the next risk you need to take.”
I signed my name on the dotted line at ten o’clock on a weekday morning, then I walked into the vast, empty space and jumped around, leaping for joy (and nervousness!), yet unable to fathom that this was really mine. It felt like the kind of moment you celebrate with a glass of champagne, but since it wasn’t even lunchtime yet, not many places were open. Somehow, Jason and I ended up at a dim sum restaurant, toasting this new chapter over Mai Tais and egg rolls. Once again, I was embracing a new risk. Once again, I knew, “This is terrifying. And I’m in just the right place.”
If You’re Unwilling to Take Risks, Then You Will Not Move Forward
I’ve learned that no matter what kind of goal you’re pursuing, in order to achieve it, you have to be willing to take a series of risks.
You have to take emotional risks—like making a request and potentially hearing “No,” or trying a new teaching style that flops, or sharing an uncomfortable truth with your partner, colleague, or boss.
Sometimes, you have to take creative risks—like publishing a blog post and then getting a negative comment or no comments at all, or doing a dance class even when you’re the klutziest person in the room.
And sometimes, you have to take financial risks—like investing in a training program or a new degree, paying for the tools or help that you need, or leasing a new office or studio space.
If you’re unwilling to take risks, then you won’t move forward in life. However, this doesn’t mean you need to take every single risk today. You don’t have to go from “zero” to “signing an epic commercial lease” overnight. You can take small risks, then slightly bigger risks, and then even bigger ones. You can get your high school diploma in risk-taking, then your BA, then your MA, and then your PhD. You can graduate upwards into bigger and bigger risks over time.
Take the biggest risk you can stomach today, even if it’s “declaring a goal to one other person” or “sending one text or email to get a conversation started.” If that’s what it is, then that’s what it is…for today. Get on it.
What’s the Biggest Risk You Can Stand Taking Today?
Take it. Inch forward.
What is the next (appropriate) risk you feel capable of taking after that? Take it. That’s one more inch forward. One inch closer than you were yesterday. With each successive risk that you take, your confidence will build. Over time, you’ll be able to tolerate bigger, scarier risks. It’s just like yoga, barre, running, or weight lifting. Over time, you get stronger. Months go by, and suddenly you’re swinging a forty-pound kettle bell like it’s no big deal.
If you keep inching forward, taking increasingly bigger risks, your capacity to tolerate risk will expand. Before long, you’ll be amazed by what you can do.
Write & Discuss: What Level of Risk Can You Tolerate Right Now?
Your brain is a fascinating machine. When you’re considering something that feels risky—like buying a raffle ticket, or buying a house, or going on a first date—your brain processes all the information in a split second. Different parts of your brain light up in response to the need to make a risky decision. Sometimes, the section of your brain that’s associated with excitement might light up (“Yes! This will be fun!”); at other times, the section of your brain that’s associated with anxiety may light up (“No way. Too scary”).
Scientists still don’t fully understand why certain people happily seek out risks, while other people avoid taking risks as much as possible. It may have something to do with your genetics, your upbringing, natural changes to the brain that occur throughout life, or all of the above.
But most scientists agree that your brain can be trained and strengthened—just like any other part of your body. It’s possible to train yourself to embrace risk, and even to enjoy it instead of running away from it. You can train yourself to tolerate increasingly bigger risks over time.
Here are some questions to help you explore your goals and ambitions as well as how you react to certain types of risks. Try answering these questions in writing here in this book, or make a dinner date with a friend and discuss these questions face to face:
Describe one of your number one goals. It can be big or small, personal or professional—anything that feels important to you. (I once led a goal-coaching workshop where one participant passionately exclaimed, “I want to rock a hat!”) Describe what it is and how amazing it’s going to feel once it’s happening or when you achieve it.
What are some things you need to do in order to achieve that goal? Make a list of action steps. Write down a number next to each step. (10 = Feels incredibly risky, OMG, I’m going to throw up. 1 = No problem, piece of cake.)
I tested out my barre classes at existing studios with a built-in clientele (small risk) before taking over someone else’s studio (bigger risk). After running that first studio for a while, I felt ready to open a second location (even bigger risk), and then a third, fourth, and fifth. Each of these was the biggest risk I could stomach at the time, until I felt ready to graduate to bigger risks. What about you? What are some smaller risks you could take in pursuit of your goal? You may have written down a few options in your response to the previous question. Can you think of anything else? Any other micro-risks you could take to inch forward?
Let’s say that one day you discover that you feel ready to take a bigger type of risk—whether that’s taking out a bank loan, making a change to a new career, or having an emotionally vulnerable conversation with your boss, your best friend, or your partner. If you take that big risk, what is the absolute worst
