help to create a sense of belonging.
Every day, as the lunch bell would sound, my friends and I would pack up our books, grab our food from our lockers and head to the school yard where we would all meet. Every friendship group would have their own usual meeting spot and to the fifteen of us, ours was prime real estate. We would all sit in a circle, eating our lunch and catch each other up on the latest stories and events that happened during class that morning. Despite the occasional disagreement between a few of us – something that was bound to happen when you’re talking about fifteen teenage girls – we all got along and I was lucky to have such great friends throughout school.
It was only when I started my second-last year of school that all of a sudden I felt as though I lost interest in the daily chit chat at lunch and started to retreat into my shell. I became more quiet than usual and didn’t feel as though I had much to contribute to the conversations that everyone was having… It all began shortly after a few of the girls in my friendship circle moved to another school, resulting in a change in the dynamics of the group. A lot of my friends started hanging out with other students in my year at lunch and shifted friendship circles. I was still close with a lot of them, but I didn’t know their new friends and so I didn’t follow to sit with them at lunch. At first, I felt upset and resisted the social changes that were happening around me. I missed having a tight-knit friendship group. Although I could have continued to allow myself to stay focused on the fact that I didn’t feel as though I belonged to any one particular group, I decided instead on changing my outlook. I became grateful for all of the close friends I did have – even if I didn’t happen to share the same social circle with many of them anymore. I used my situation as an opportunity to get to know the other students in my year that they were friends with and alternated between sitting with one group of people one day, and another the next. Not feeling as though I ‘belonged’ to a particular group was actually quite liberating because I felt as though I could hang out with whomever I wanted on any given day. I ended up befriending a lot of the people that my friends would sit with and over time, some became close friends of mine whom I still keep in touch with today.
By the time I started my final year at school, many of the social barriers that I perceived had come down. No one really had a ‘group’ anymore and everyone was friendly with one another. In fact, we would spend much of our time with the people who were studying the same subjects as us, as the common goal of succeeding in our final year brought many of us closer together.
Building A Support System
Making friends and socializing is an important part of your high school experience. Your friends are probably going to be the ones who can relate most to what you are going through and will be there to support and encourage you along the way. Not only are you each other’s emotional support systems; bringing light to challenging or stressful situations, you are also there to help each other reach your academic goals. I most certainly would not have done as well as I did in school and university if it wasn’t for the help of my friends and the hours we spent in the library reviewing and teaching each other the material for our final exams! One thing when making friends at school that I would advise is not to get caught up in numbers. Remember, quality over quantity! It’s always better to have a handful of close friends who you feel comfortable around and can trust in, as opposed to surrounding yourself with people who leave you feeling uncomfortable, fail to include you or make you feel bad about yourself. True friends should build you up. They should not tear you down!
Making Friends
Whether you’ve moved to a new school or want to get to know the rest of the students in your grade, making new friends can sometimes be daunting. Even though getting outside of your comfort zone can make you feel uneasy – that is why it’s called your comfort zone after all – it’s important that you put yourself out there and make an effort. What’s the worst thing that can happen? You approach someone and they don’t reciprocate? If someone isn’t going to be nice back to you, then chances are you don’t want to be friends with him or her anyway!
If you’re trying to expand your social horizons then make sure you are putting yourself out there and creating new opportunities for you to meet others. As I already mentioned earlier, getting involved in a range of activities, events or clubs that your school offers is an excellent way to make new friends as you explore your common interests together. If you’re also looking to get to know your classmates better, then try sitting next to different students each day. You’re not going to make new friends by sitting next to your ‘bestie’ time and time again! Changing up your seating arrangements in class will also give you the chance to partner with new students in group assignments and projects. Teachers often allocate students to groups based on who they are seated next to, so use this as an opportunity to get to know your peers.
Now, when it comes to breaking the ice and striking up a conversation, a good way to start is by giving someone a compliment. I don’t mean that you should throw around empty compliments, such as telling everyone that you like their hair, clothes or jewelry. Instead, try and think of something personal that you truly value about them. If you are genuinely impressed by a piece of art they made in class, an interesting point they raised in a group discussion or the way you saw them treat someone, make sure to let them know. I honestly believe that we don’t compliment or give each other recognition enough, so I always try to see the good in others and let them know!
Once you’ve started talking to them, take it as an opportunity to get to know more about them. Ask them questions about themselves and show that you are genuinely interested in what they have to say. Try finding out what they thought of the topic you are learning in class, what they did on the weekend or what they are doing after school. What person doesn’t like being given the chance to talk about themselves?
As useful as these tips may be, when it comes to making real and lasting friendships, the best piece of advice I can give you is to be yourself. There’s no point trying to impress people by pretending you share the exact same interests if you don’t. Besides, pretending to be someone you’re not will get tiring after a while and you’ll soon realize that your friendship is only skin deep. Real friends will accept you for who you are, quirky traits and all!
Fitting In
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but things may not always go smoothly. It’s all part of life and sometimes you and your friends won’t see eye to eye. Other times, you might experience challenges with other students in your school that can leave you feeling uncomfortable, upset or even doubting in yourself. It’s important to remember your support systems and surround yourself with people who have your best interests at heart. Never feel embarrassed or be too proud to reach out for help and speak up. Most importantly, always know that you are never alone.
Everyone wants to feel as though they belong and are accepted. No one likes to be kept out of the loop or made to feel like an outcast. Unfortunately, trying to fit in can sometimes mean feeling as though you need to act a certain way or do something you wouldn’t normally do. Whether it’s feeling like you need to be in a relationship, drink alcohol at parties, dress differently, or be mean to someone else, just because your friends are doing it, doesn’t mean you should, too. Of course, it’s okay to want to fit in, however when it means compromising your morals and values, I strongly advise that you think twice! Remember, it’s okay to be that black sheep and not follow the rest of the herd.
Dealing
