style="font-size:15px;"> I trust in a plan much higher than meTo bring us together in time
So ’til you appear, I’ll picture you here
Remove all the doubt and let go of the fear
And know that the future is fine
You’re already there
Waiting for me
So in a funny way
You’re already mine
©David Friedman/Midder Music
A number of years ago, I found myself suddenly and shockingly single after having been in a fifteen-year relationship. Over the next six months, I went through all the normal stages that people tend to go through after this kind of loss; I traveled, told my story to everyone I could think of, renewed old friendships, threw myself into my work, stepped up my therapy, and slowly, with very little success or satisfaction, began to date.
About six weeks after the breakup, I was lying in bed one night feeling sorry for myself, wondering how I would ever have a life, when a very encouraging thought came to me. Being a songwriter, I put that thought into words, and the result was a song, the lyric to which is written above.
As time went by, I began to remember what I had known fifteen years before and forgotten over the years of steady committed relationship—that meeting the right person is something that is, in many ways, very much out of our hands. People had all sorts of advice for me: “Go out and meet everyone you can; Just sit still and it will happen; You’ve got to be aggressive; Don’t be too pushy; When you see a quality you don’t want in someone, stop dating them immediately; Be open; Be cautious; Give it time; Get yourself in good shape; Don’t change a thing; You have to change something inside you to allow yourself to meet the right person,” etc., etc., ad nauseam. But no matter what I did, it seemed to me that it was going to happen when it was going to happen, and the best I could do was be open and take whatever opportunities were being offered to me, whether or not they seemed to have to do with finding the next love of my life. It felt like a pretty helpless position to be in.
Over the months, just for the fun of it, I began asking people who were married or were in longstanding relationships how they met. In each case, there was some element of serendipity or surprise, and I found the stories encouraging, supporting the notion that it would happen for me if I could just live my life and let go. Also encouraging was the fact that meeting the love of one’s life did not seem to depend on one’s being in particularly good shape, looking good, being successful, being happy at the time, planning, targeting, doing the right thing, or anything else for that matter that one could put one’s finger on. In fact, people often met the love of their lives while dressed in dirty old clothes, or while in the middle of a deep depression, or at a time when they absolutely were not looking.
As I listened to story after story, gradually the feeling that I was helpless and that it would never happen for me changed to a sense of wonder and excitement as to when, where, and how it would happen for me. The words of my own song, “And that will be our story, I can’t wait to live our story” ran through my head over and over.
I thought it would be therapeutic for me, during this time, to collect and write down these stories, and then realized that perhaps a book of them would be encouraging for the millions of people who find themselves in similar situations, in love or in anything else that they desire but don’t know how to make happen.
Some of these stories were told to me directly by the people who lived them. Others were told to me secondhand. In those cases, I have either changed or omitted the names to protect people’s privacy.
Straight, gay, young, old, longtime single, divorced, widowed, looking, not looking—these are stories about ordinary people like you and me, and the ordinary yet extraordinary events that brought them together with their life partner. I hope you enjoy them, find inspiration and encouragement, and perhaps even recognize your own circumstances in them. And whatever you’re searching for, be it love, success, healing, money, work, a new home, or a new direction, know that it’s entirely possible, no matter what the present circumstances, that you will soon have a new story of your own to tell.
Joe was out walking his dog in New York City, and he realized he’d forgotten to bring his pooper scooper. He went to the corner garbage can and picked up a newspaper someone had thrown out, intending to use it to clean up after his dog. The paper was open to the Personals section, and as he picked it up, a particular ad caught his eye. He ripped the ad out of the paper, used the rest for his dog, went home, called the woman who’d placed the ad, and they’re married today.
Sarah took a look around her house one Saturday and decided it definitely needed cleaning very badly. She put on some old, dirty work clothes and a bandanna and got to work, but soon realized that this was going to be a bigger job than she thought. She pulled out the phonebook, called a temp agency, and asked them to send somebody over to her house to clean it. A short while later, the doorbell rang and a gorgeous man was standing there. He was so good-looking, in fact, that she was sorry she was dressed in such a sloppy cleaning outfit. As it happened, that didn’t matter a bit. It turned out that the man at the door was a doctor newly arrived from Africa who hadn’t yet gotten his license to practice in the US, and was taking cleaning jobs to make ends meet until his license came through. They are married today.
She Listened to the Fortune Teller
Pat was nineteen years old and in college, but dating a guy from home she liked well enough. Even though there was no real magic or excitement in the relationship, she was actually thinking of getting engaged to him. Just for kicks, she went to a fortune teller. The fortune teller told her that she would meet the man she would marry within the year. She told Pat that his first initial would be either J or G (somehow she seemed to see both), that he was a doctor, and that the first thing she would notice about him would be his laugh. Pat brushed this off as fun but ridiculous, and soon forgot about it. A year later, she was sitting in her dorm suite at college and heard a group of her suitemates and some other friends having a rather raucous conversation across the room. She looked up and noticed that there was one guy who had a really infectious laugh and seemed to be laughing all the time. “Now that’s an attractive guy,” she thought. Turns out his name was Gerald (with a G), but he usually used the nickname Jerry (with a J). Today, over forty-five years later, he’s a doctor and he and Pat have been married for over forty years.
A Foolhardy Trip and a Missed Train
Steve
