1. Somewhat old-fashioned: the activities that occur when people are developing a romantic relationship that could lead to marriage or the period of time when such activities occur
Source: Merriam-Webster’s Learner’s Dictionary
When you met a man, if the year was around, say, 1930 to 1940, the courting process would begin. This would carry all the way through until marriage. It was sort of like a man’s audition to be your co-star. This courtship has evolved to what we now all know as dating. The problem is, the dating doesn’t last as long as the courtship. The next stop isn’t wife any more, it’s girlfriend. This changes what a man does for you from being an option to being an obligation. This makes it more like work, and less like play. Where it messes things up is that a woman can’t tell if the act is coming from the kindness of his heart or because he feels like this is what he has to do, because of his title. No boyfriend, no problem.
Why?
So the million-dollar question is, why do I want to write a book that cautions women against ever having a boyfriend? The first reason is parents. I believe it’s your parents’ job to protect you from the world as best they can, for as long as they can, until you’re smart enough, strong enough, and equipped with enough to deal with this world on your own. Your parents are either going to be your strongest asset or your most frustrating liability, depending upon how supportive your family is or isn’t. Without ignoring all of the other ways that a family can let you down, I want to focus specifically on the relationship aspect.
I wish that every parent would be as honest as possible with their children about love, and tell them not what they want their children to believe about it, but the truth. I feel like if more parents told their children the truth about love, then a lot more people would be set up for relationship success, especially women. I am not a parent. but I often ask myself what I would tell my daughter about men and about boyfriends.
Hopefully, my daughter will witness what true love looks like at first hand, in the home. She will use this as the basis for what she looks for in love. She will not need to turn to television, movies, social media, or other people, because true love does not live in a vacuum. She will need to experience firsthand the day-to-day sacrifices and arguments that love requires. Second, my daughter will understand that the love she witnesses her parents giving each other was the result of effort. She will understand how this effort was a two-part process. More importantly, she will understand that this love is the fruit of that labor.
The labor was not “making it work” with somebody, but being patient enough to wait for the person who makes it not even feel like work.
One day, my daughter is going to want to date. So, what do I tell her? Most parents are fearful of this day. Most parents aren’t sure if they have equipped their daughters with the knowledge and skills needed to interact with men. So they treat the dating process like it’s a phase, hoping that she will eventually find someone, so that they as parents no longer have to worry about their daughter and her safety.
Most parents don’t have the courage to tell their daughter to never have a boyfriend. There’s too much at risk. So, they encourage boyfriends because they see them as the lesser of two evils. Parents would rather see you with one boy than to have different ones popping up at their front door every weekend. So they encourage this pre-marriage monogamy because it puts their hearts at ease. This is a mistake. All you can do is prepare your daughter for the world; eventually you must let her live in it.
The first man a woman loves sets the tone for her life. Therefore, it is my job as a parent to make sure that my daughter will not be held up by my rules or by my desire to have her end this process any earlier than the moment she finds a good man. What most parents fail to realize is that these days, this search has become a lot harder. I would rather my daughter spend her late teens and much of her twenties dating as many men as possible than tell her she cannot date at all or that she is supposed to only date one person.
I will not be fearful of the choices she will make, because she will have had sixteen to seventeen years’ worth of parenting to protect her from peer pressure. I will tell her that any effort she puts in before marriage should not be put into one person. The effort should be put into the process of finding the one person. To some this may seem strange, but you have to ask yourself, can a woman do both?
Can a woman be a good woman to a man, and at the same time, find the best possible man to be good to? If not, then which one will you choose?
You Must Be Ready
When a real man comes for you
When the sex is just the icing
on the cake of what
he wants from you.
When loving you is what he wants to do.
If your goal is to one day be mother and wife,
You must first remove
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